When I first started dating my wife, she was a real sweetheart. She had a kind heart and a gentle spirit. I never saw her get angry and she was a very quiet person. These qualities are what attracted me to her and made me fall in love with her.
We got married and everything was going along pretty well for several years. We had our occational disagreements, but on the whole I'd say we were happily married.
Then she got pregnant.. since then, everything has been changing.. we got along fairly well during the pregnancy, but I could tell things were going downhill.. I tried very hard to play the role of the supportive husband, but it was really tough for me.. I felt like it took everything I had to put up with her during the pregnancy..
Since the baby was born, everything has been going to hell.. she is a completely different person than the woman I fell in love with.. she's pushy, loud, angry, and selfish..
more below...
2006-09-25 02:21:24 · 23 answers · asked by Byakuya 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I’ll give an example. Last night, she was feeding the baby while we were watching a movie we had rented. All throughout the movie, she was asking me to bring her one thing after another. She had me waiting on her hand and foot. I didn’t complain once, I just kept bringing stuff for her. I made her dinner, I got her dessert, I brought her pillows when she needed them, etc..
Toward the end of the movie, she told me to take the baby from her and go change him. The movie was almost over, so I said I’d do it as soon as the movie was over. This caused her to explode in a fit of rage! She was screaming at me like some sort of psychopath!
I can’t stand being around her anymore. I am utterly disgusted when she acts like that! I don’t feel any sort of attraction to her like I used to. I have changed many more diapers than she has, but she is acting like I never do anything. All I did was not jump the second she ordered me to and she blows up like a crazy person.
2006-09-25 02:22:27 · update #1
I’ve tried talking with her about this, but she just shrugs it off and says “at least I’m better than most new moms” I’m thinking “yeah right! quit deluding yourself!” I don’t know what to do. I feel like having a baby has completely ruined my life. I’m never happy anymore. I’ve always been miserable at work, but I could look forward to coming home. Now I’m miserable when I come home too. This is eating away at me and making me feel awful all the time. I miss the way my wife used to be. I can’t stand this crazy psychotic person she’s become.
What should I do? Should I just suck it up and take it like a man? Is this normal? Will she always be like this or will she turn back into the sweet woman I married someday?
2006-09-25 02:22:42 · update #2
When my son was born, I morphed from a normal, average every day kinda of woman into a shrieking, controlling, mean, emotional mess, and I knew it, but couldn't have told you why, or control it. You've heard it a thousand times, and will probably hear it a thousand more, but pregnancy and birth make your hormones go CRAZY. Not to mention all of the sudden *poof* you're a mommy and there's diapers and poop and bottles and throw up and some more poop, and some more throw up, and you blame youself because d a mnit, you're just not ENJOYING life the way you used to, but you know you're supposed to enjoy this whole motherhood thing, and it just isn't happening that way. So then you feel guilty. And THEN you look at your husband, who has the "luxury" (I'm being completely facetious here) of leaving the house every day and going to work and spending usually at least 8 hours away from poopy baby, whom you love, but don't really know what to do with at this point. So then you get mad. But eventually, poopy baby begins to sleep through the night, and requires a little less "hold me constantly" time, and then maybe mommy gets to go back to work, and she gets some of herself back too. The moral to this story? Don't be afraid to call your wife out on her crazy behavior, but for your sake, please do so tactfully, because eventually she'll mellow out and your sweetheart will return. But if you're mean to her now, it'll just egg her on. Good luck, and happy diaper duty!
2006-09-25 02:54:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is about time YOU BURIED this relationship, which is totally dead from your side (IS IT?). Make sure your husband knows everything, so that nothing comes as a surprise to him. He has assured you of his support, so why don't you trust him? If you spend that much time, making your home and husband happy, the amount you are spending on this useless dead past, you'd be much much happier as a person. If nothing else think of all the harm your attitude will do to your unborn child. Babies pick up tension as well, even in the stomach. You say you are well rid of your old life and are happy in the new one, so why are you still harping back to the old life. You are the only one who is making big thing out of something when there is no reason. Sure he is drinking, he is probably realizing what he threw away and that is making him crazy, but it is not your fault is it, and YOU are not responsible, at least not totally! If he decides to behave in this manner it is his own fault. The only thing that I can tell you is that not to let him or the memories of him come in between your happiness now! This will affect not only you but your new family, so unless you put it where it belongs, in the past, it will not leave you alone. Keep yourself busy, get busy with hobbies and classes, and other societies, that army wives get into. Get a good circle of friends with whom you can plan outings togather. Don't go where you might run into him, and even if you do, be casual, do not panic, that way you won't give him any power over you. Just treat him as casuly as you would any aquiantance, you don't have to ignore or snub him, or be overely friendly. See if you let him see he affects you, he will try to be even more nasty, so just treat him as no more important than anyone else around you, and stand your ground. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN LET HIM OVER POWER YOU, IF YOU WANT, OR TOTALLY REDUCE ANY AFFECT HE MAY HAVE ON YOU, BY TREATING HIM JUST AS A CASUAL FRIEND, YOU MEET ON THE STREET. When you say I really doubt it if he will try anything, then believe in that, as you said, you stopped talking to him anyways so what is the problem. Just avoid and ignore! GET OUT OF THE PAST, IT NEVER DOES ANY GOOD TO STAY THERE, AND IT IS HARDER TO MOVE TOWARDS THE FUTURE WITH A POSITIVE ATTITUDE!
2016-03-18 01:05:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's really sad. Did you and your wife plan to have the baby or did it just happen? Sometimes women feel trapped if they got pregnant when they weren't ready yet. It happened to me, but I love my children very much. They are the best and only good part of my marriage, really.
Counseling will definitely be the answer or at least the beginning of finding out what's going on...it sounds like you've lost the ability to communicate with each other. Don't let that continue, it's what ruined my marriage.
Try asking her if she wants you to leave? Maybe she'll change her point of view. Then bring up the counseling idea. Tell her you're willing to try that but that you don't feel you can deal with the negativity that's been going on. It's definitely not a good atmosphere for the baby to grow up in! Babies feel all that and will internalize it as they grow. I KNOW!
Please IM me if you want to hear more. It's not going to be easy, and will only get worse as time goes on. Try to nip this thing in the bud now, before it's too late.
2006-09-25 02:33:20 · answer #3 · answered by Evil Wordmonger, LTD LOL 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Depending on how long ago she had the baby...she may be experiencing "hormone rages", some SERIOUS mood swings. My wife did as well and your situation sounds similar to what I endured. If you do love her...you've got to sit her down immediately when she flies off the handle and ask her if that's how she'd like to be treated. I bet she wouldn't. If all she's got to offer in defense of her behavior is "At least I"m better than most new Moms"...that's pretty weak. . The old saying is true..."If Momma ain't happy, NO ONE'S HAPPY!" You both need to remember that it all started with both of you...now baby makes 3. That child is the focus of you both at this early stage.
The role of supportive husband is okay for some...Just remmeber that they are only babies for a short time They grow up fast and the more you take them places on your own (just w/Dad) the more attached they will be to you as they grow up.
Bottom line is: if your family is important to you, suck it up. Tell her when she's out of line right when she does it...not two days later. Stick up for yourself, but also make sure you do the things above and beyond a "supportive husband". You may find she appreciates you taking the baby while she goes shopping for the afternoon. You and your wife have a choice...that child doesn't. I hope this helps.
2006-09-25 02:44:07 · answer #4 · answered by Lando 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How old is the baby? Did she have a c-section? With c-sections it takes weeks to be able to do normal activities.
About the movie and diaper change incident- it probably pissed her off that you'd rather watch the movie instead of getting the baby out of it's waste!! But she could've changed it (if she's physically able)
The first few months with a new baby are miserable! That's just the way it is. You may think you are getting the worst of it but I assure you it's no picnic for her either. Hormones are important and right now hers are all screwed up.
2006-09-25 03:04:35 · answer #5 · answered by Alison 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, for the amount of people on this site, I can't believe that no one has posted to this question!! Your wife needs to go to the doctors, and you need to go with her. She sounds as if she is suffering from Post Partum Depression. That could explain the reason for her sudden change in personality, emotion, mentality, all of it. If you let it go, it will be bad, and even it isn't PPD, then it could be something else, any number of things. Whatever it is, this ISN'T normal, you are correct. It is truly difficult after you have just had a child, but the thing is, for most of us new moms, we are experiencing the wonderment of having this tiny person around. It is supposed to be joyful, and not just to the new moms, also the new dads. You role is very important, and if you TRULY are being as supportive as you say, you have done what you are supposed to do. I have three children, my sister suffered from PPD, and it isn't anything to ignore. If she will not go to the doctor on your suggestion, make sure you accompany her to the next appointment and ask the doctor your questions there. Make her aware that you are going to do it so that she doesn't feel that you are attacking her. That is the biggest thing. The feelings that she is having, which are causing the huge change, she has no control over them if it is a chemical disorder. The only way to fix it is with medication, and chances are, with therapy, understanding, guidance, and love, your wife will start to feel better herself with time. I hope that this helped. You can also go online to webmd.com, and input your wife's symptoms, and it can bring up a list of possibilities for you. You are the one that knows her best, besides herself, and right now she is lost. Good for you for seeking help for her. I hope that everything works out. Good luck and God bless.
2006-09-25 02:36:40 · answer #6 · answered by pamalamadingdong_1 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I believe she will be back but not right away. Women go through alot having kids emotionally & physically. It does not excuse her behavior. But you married for love so don't give up just yet. Having a baby is a big step for both of you. You guys really need to talk things out if possible. How do you feel about your baby not your wife but the baby? you think she may want you to bond with the baby as well?
2006-09-25 02:29:08 · answer #7 · answered by "karma" 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's hormones. She can't help it. You sound like you are being as understanding as you can be right now. It will take some time, but her hormones should regulate within the first year. She's probably exhausted, too and that will make her quick tempered as well. Maybe you can get a babysitter one night and take her out. She's probably feeling like the baby is taking up her life as well and you both could use the time alone together to reconnect.
2006-09-25 02:30:18 · answer #8 · answered by luvmysoldier 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My Nasty Wife
2016-10-01 09:00:08 · answer #9 · answered by thorvald 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Women change when we have babies, sometimes for the good - sometimes for the worst......I have no idea as to how long this will last.....Sounds to me like it may be post pardom(sp?) We don't have a period for 9 months then after having a baby we have on that ends in about 12 weeks.....All the hormones are messed up.
Make a doctors appointment and you should go with her and tell the doctor the TRUTH!!!!!!
Sounds like she is depressed. Be patient with her as she learns her new role in life......Being a mom is scary.
By the way a doctor will tell you that it takes about a year for your body to get back to where it used to be......Sorry!
2006-09-25 02:30:54 · answer #10 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋