am i going mad?

Question

1st of me and my partner started as an affair (no lecture please) he came to live with me and after a couple of moths he went back to wife and then bk to me 3 times this happened. i spoke to his wife and she said was doing all these things behind my back like going out,having sex etc. he denies it and i believed him coz a women scorned and all that you know. Anyway suspicion all the time he hides his phone dsnt tell me everything little secrets! and he goes and sees the kids there! he says av got a problem cause am always qing him! what to do? dont want to get rid if it is all in my head

Answer 1

he is a cheat

Answer 2

I am not going to lecture you, but instead, I am going to tell you a fact that is well known. Once a man is a cheater, they are always a cheater. If he is leaving his wife for you, and then going back to her, and she is telling you that he is doing it behind BOTH your backs (which is how I understood what you had said) then chances are, she is telling the truth. As sad as it is. I know that you want to believe that he is the ONE. I know that you want to believe that after you, there will be more no more. And I know that you want to believe that he will settle down and take care of you and fulfill all the promises that he made when you guys first got together. But here is the thing....the secretive phone calls, the defensive attitude when he is questioned, the fact that he has come and gone three seperate times, and most of all the fact that you aren't involved with kids, that should tell you something. You aren't a permaneant fixture in his life. If he was serious about you, because as much as I hate to say it, there ARE exceptions to the rule, you wouldn't be feeling like this. And, I would like to point out to you that this is probably the same way that his wife felt when it was you. No one likes to feel like **** about themselves or the relationships that we choose to have. And no one likes to be judged. Which is why I am NOT judging you, but I am telling you this....you are a woman. You have the power to make a man weak at the knees. You also have a woman's intuition which was instilled in you from day one. And if you didn't believe that there was a reason for you to be asking this, then you wouldn't. Go with your gut honey. Chances are if you feel strongly enough to get online and post to a bunch of strangers, it is telling you that it is time to move on. Spend some time alone because any break up, no matter what the situation is, is difficult. You are better than to be someone's sloppy seconds, or thirds, and if you keep letting him come back, all you are doing is reaffirming the fact to him that you think less of yourself than he does. Because if he loved you the way I am sure he promised you he does, you wouldn't have these feelings to begin with, and your relationship would have been one of those exceptions to the rule. Good luck, and God bless. Remember, you aren't alone.

Answer 3

This is not a lecture. He may be telling you the truth hating you checking up on him. He may well be cheating on you with his ex. The most SANE thiing you can do is to stop checking up on him and give him complete freedom, without kicking him out. If he is not sure what he wants he then needs time to get his head sorted (this is if your suspiciouns are correct). Because you have crossed the line of the no-cheating policy you are better off waiting to see what happens. If he, having no pressure whatsoever now, will stay with you, then he is yours. if this uncertainty is going on for too long, he is somehwere you don't know where, then you know is the time to break up.

Answer 4

The way he goes back and forth tells you he cannot cut the ties with his wife and he obviously is having his cake and eating it. Finish it with him, if he really wants to be with you, he will but he's secretive and not forthcoming with the truth. If he genuinely wanted to sever connection with the wife he would meet the kids elsewhere or beep from the kerb while they come out to him. He's not sincere and Im sorry if this sounds harsh but you need to be clean from this. I hope you find the strength to do the right thing for you. I know its easier said than done but what you will gain from feeling clean inside and jealousy free will make it worthwhile. Good luck.

Answer 5

OK, IM NOT PROUD OF THIS BUT I CHEATED ON MY LONG EX PARTNER.

BELIEVE ME IF SOMEONE IS HIDING THERE PHONE THERE IS ONLY ONE REASON! I CANT STRESS THAT ENOUGH! IF HE HAS NOTHING TO HIDE WHATS THE PROBLEM

I USED TO USE THE EXCUSE THAT I WANTED MY PRIVACY BUT I WAS LIEING I DIDNT WANT HIM TO CATCH ME I WANTED TO HAVE MY CAKE AND EAT IT!!

IN THE END I STOPPED THE AFFAIR AND I TRIED TO MAKE AGO OF THINGS WITH MY PARTNER WHICH IN THE END DIDNT WORK AS I COULDNT LIVE KNOWING WHAT I HAD DONE.

I THINK YOU SHOULD LEAVE AND HAVE A CLEAN BREAK THIS BLOKE IS OBVIOUSLY A T***ER THE SAME AS I WAS A B**CH!!

Why cant you see the kids 2gether if your surposed to be a couple now??

why does he go there?

why does he hide his phone?

why is he keeping things from you?

= ANSWER- CHEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Answer 6

If he has done it with you then the chances are he could be doing it with his ex. He sounds like he has something to hide if he is keeping things from you. It may not be what you think but try to have a serious chat if he refuses then yes he is hiding stuff from you and get rid!

Answer 7

once a cheat always a cheat,my married lover left his wife for me we eventually got married and in the 9 years we were together he had 7 affairs,i divorced him and looking back he made my life a total misery,an affair is exciting and having what's not yours makes you want it even more,if you dont trust him end it,he done it to his wife theres nothing stopping him doing it to you.

Answer 8

Yes, you're mad. Mad to think that a guy that started off by cheating on someone else would be loyal to you. It's exciting to be on one side of the cheating fence, and it makes sex electric, but the flip-side to that is pain pain pain. Good luck though, but move on!

Answer 9

He's done it once yada yada. If he is hiding phone etc he's up to something and it ain't with you this time. You'd be better off out of it. This is not a lecture, just common sense, easier for me to see than you.

Answer 10

sounds like you are just his bit on the side and for some reason his wife still wants him and he can't make up his mind, if he keeps going back to her he's not sure enough about you and if he did ever leave her he might resent you for having to give his wife up. drop the skank.

Answer 11

No, I won't lecture you. But, I will say this, how would you feel it the situation was the other way around??? Think about it!!! He is not really your man. Kick him out!!! What do you think that this is doing to his children???