My husband and I got married 13 months ago and we are having our first baby at the end of November. He was 18 and I was 19. We are both very excited to have the baby and I have no doubt in my mind that I wanted him to be the father of my children. He is the most loving person I have ever met in my entire life. He loves me. More than anything. He would do anything for me and never even think about cheating. I trust him so much. The Problem? I am the most mature 20 year old that I know. I am a home body. I don't go out, drink, or party. I am a marketing Manager and make 72k a year. I'm saving 4 a house. I am very commited to my job and am very responsible......now my husband? He is the complete opposite. He plays video games, watches Anime, wears Nintendo sweatchirts, and makes $10.00 an hr. He doesn't know how to save money or even what a FICO score is. I know that opposites attract, but I just think I married too young. I think I was ready and he wasn't. How do I mature him????
2006-09-25 01:41:03 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You need to count your blessings. If a little immaturity is the only problem you have with your husband,then you are extremely lucky.If you're having such a hard time dealing with this minor issue,how in the world are you going to handle the bigger problems that you will face in the future? I don't mean to sound harsh. I have been in your shoes,so I know how you feel. I was 19 and my husband 20 when we married,and he was immature,and I was the mature one.We've been married for 20 years now,and he STILL acts immaturely at times,and it still gets on my nerves sometimes.But I have learned to get passed that,because there are so many other,more important issues that can destroy a marriage if you let it.If you are as mature as you say you are,you will realize this,and just be happy that he loves and adores you,and most importantly,you trust him.Trust is priceless in a marriage.You don't want to cause problems this soon in your marriage by bringing up maturity issues to him,especially since you had to have known he was this way before you married him. Try to loosen up and just have fun when you're with him.You can be a responsible,mature person and still have fun.People grow up as they get older.As a married couple,you want to grow together and not apart.
2006-09-25 03:12:23 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You can't "mature" him. And he probably won't be "mature" for another 7,8,9 years or maybe he'll never be "mature" enough for you. He's loving, caring and you know he'd never cheat on you. He actually sounds pretty mature for a 19 year old guy. He's excited to have a baby with you? Do you know how many 19 year old guys would NOT be ready for that kind of commitment to a girl at that age? You're blessed to have him. Give him a break. You obviously loved him enough before to want to have a baby and get married....did he play video games then? Wear nintendo sweatshirts? Watch Anime? Did you think an 18 year old guy would get married and "magically" stop doing that stuff?And the fact that he only makes $10/hour doesn't make him "immature." How old is he? 19? Well, you're sure lucky to be making 72k a year at 20, but that's not the norm for most kids your age! You're lucky, honey. Give him a break! Just let him do his thing and maybe sometime you could show some interest in what he likes and who knows, you may like anime, too! Then you can tell him, "ok, now you do this for me: let me help you to budget and learn how to save." Honestly, you may have married to young. But, you can work it out if you love each other.
2006-09-25 09:45:32 · answer #2 · answered by gidget 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boys and their toys. 18 and 19 is too young to get married but here you are and you sound like you're good for each other. As long as the arguing over his toys doesn't become an occupation and financially disastrous, hang in there. He's a little immature for his age, but not much. Think of all the 18-24 year old boys in the campus Frat houses having contests to see which dorm can pile beer cases the highest on game day. You sound a lot more mature than you should be. Keep your focus, but lighten up a little and have some fun once in a while. Men who treat you like he does are hard to find and for some reason, he sounds like he will be a good father while not being a financially responsible one for a while. It may be 10 years before he starts to grow up and his toys will get more expensive. This is not abnormal. You are growing up way too soon. Have fun with your baby and your loving, trustworthy husband. How lucky you are.
Don't go to counseling. Most of these people need counseling.
2006-09-25 08:59:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What made you fall in love with him in the first place? What does it hurt if he plays games and wears goofy sweatshirts if he is in love with you. He may never wear the cloths you like even when he is older and more mature. He may always play games and watch Anime. He may even never make as much money as you do. Do you have other things in common? Do you have fun together? You can't mature him. Can you live with who he is? He is who he is. You can't change him. Maybe you need a little fun in your life. Try sitting down and playing a Nintendo game with him once. It might just make his day. Sounds like maybe you are just not comfortable in your own skin yet. You said in your post that you are the most mature 20 year old you know. Thats not a bad thing. There are others like you that don't go out and drink and party. Maybe your just a little jelous that he has fun and you are working so hard towards your future. Maybe you should take some time for yourself before you burn yourself out on work. Have a little fun. Do something for yourself whatever it may be. Your husband may be the best dad in the world once the baby comes. He already knows how to play games. Just take a look at yourself and be happy with who you are. Don't try to change your husband it won't work and probably hurt you both in the process. If he doesn't give you enough one on one time then sit down and talk with him and make plans together. Good Luck
2006-09-25 10:52:24 · answer #4 · answered by smile4u 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you don't and never will mature him... That will come with time, experience and age, and men mature much slower then women! He may not mature till' he's in his 30's or 40's, But there is good news! The problems you have with your husband can change very easiely, You buy him clothing that you would like him to wear and put his clothing that you don't like in a Saturday or Sunday drawer, replace the clothing little by little and he'll be looking more mature. Ask him to limit his time that he is playing his video games, make a list of chores for him to do around the house and sugess to him that he take a class on a trade even if it is a two week program or some type of vocational training. (You were aware of his job and your job and it wasn't a problem before you married so it shouldn't be a problem now, at least he is holding on to it unlike a lot of men that can't hold on to jobs.)
These problems you and he are having are very minor you really can't look down on him for his job at least he has one and you can't look down on him for his clothing b/c those are prbably the same clothes his mamma' bought him when he lived at home, are they not? All of these things that you are worried about here are temporary - they will change even if you have to make them.
Marriage again is for the mature, honest and communicative. Theres is no room for jealousy. The better communicate skills you both have the better the marriage will be. be honest and communicate about everything!!!! & I mean everything be best friends.
It is a young age for both of you but now that you have done it and you are parents now you need to be respnsible for your actions. Do what it takes as parents but keep your marriage a happy one if you are not happy then it is your own fault and someone in the marriage is not giving it their all. Have unconditional love for your husband. If your marriage is happy your family will be.
Fear not just look to the future. I think these also may be excuses for your irritability with your husband you say you feel you were too young to be married and you list these things but are you certain there is not more underneath it all? Your husband is a year younger then you think of how he must feel, I highly doubt you are the only one feeling this way even if he isn't saying it or showing it. It's already done now what is left is to make the best of it the best you can give it your all.... Best of luck to you and your family.
2006-09-25 09:14:00 · answer #5 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think you can. You can talk to him about it, but dont start by saying "stop acting like a baby and be an adult now!" Understand that you both are 20, and hes basically acting like a normal 20 yr old guy. Just say to him that you want to talk about you, and your relationship, and point out all the responsibility that is coming towards your way when the babys born, and that you just want to make sure he knows and is prepared for it. Make sure you tell him you need him and will be needing him for a while, as things will be stressing emotionally, physically and finacially. Im sure then he will try to be a bit more mature, or when the babys born he will start acting like an adult. Just dont let him sacrifice everything because it will come back to bite you guys in the future when he realizes hes never really had a normal life and he had to be responsible too fast too soon. Little by little things should get better. Just make sure when he does do something more mature than usual, praise him. I know it sounds stupid but it works, you point out that you do see change and you appreciate him taking you seriously, and it will make him realiize that you are watching and he will do it more. Some times you have to treat him like a kid so he will act like a man lol
2006-09-25 08:55:03 · answer #6 · answered by Jenn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is behaving in an age appropriate manner, you have assumed the position of adult. I also married at 18 and was the grown-up, even thought my husband (at the time) was 25. It didn't work out because for him age and maturity never did come together. I think now, looking back on it that he married me with the hope that I would always take care of him so he wouldn't have to grow up. I just became more and more disillusioned with my Peter Pan and we did divorce and I remarried someone my own age and we have had a 28-year- long mature and happy relationship. I don't think its his chronological age that makes the difference, I think its his childish attitude that are making you wonder what kind of future you have with him. If you've spoken to him and you've let him know of your concerns and hes comeback with "whatever", then keep your finances separate and make sure you have your life set up so you can go on without him. You may be in for having a beautiful baby in November and a not so cute much bigger one for ever. Unless you like the dependent male who makes you feel like the one with the power. If you do then you have to live your life without caring how it looks to the outside world. It wasn't my cuppa tea, but maybe it works for you on some level.
2006-09-25 09:00:43 · answer #7 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems like all the really important qualities are there. He loves you and cares about you and wants to be the best husband and father he can, right? No one is going to be exactly like us. He might have quirks and annoying habits but we're always growing and changing. I'm a couple years older than your husband and I've learned so much about saving money and being responsible these past 2 years and I'm sure your husband will get there soon too. I didn't even have a baby or anything like that so he'll be plenty motivated to start "growing up" when he holds that baby in his arms. He seems like a really good catch. Maybe he's not as mature as you but give him time, love him, and be patient. Congratulations!!
2006-09-25 08:49:18 · answer #8 · answered by Clare 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well now you and him are both adults and you guys now whats right and wrong he is just different then you it doesn't matter what he wears or nothing as long it makes you and your baby happy me and my husband got married when we where 20 and we love each other allot i love him so much as he loves me it takes time for him to be a mature man i think that at least he is working and not being lazy you now give him a chance all things are possible if you just believe a little.
2006-09-25 10:52:25 · answer #9 · answered by ~My 1st. Girl~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not take this the wrong way but he probably won't mature for a while because he sees it as you make the good money and that he can rely on you if he has to. I pretty much guarantee that he will mature once he sees that he has brought a human life into the world, HOPEFULLY. Then and only then will you be able to see how much deeply in love you both are with each other.
2006-09-25 08:46:37 · answer #10 · answered by devildog75 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋