I Have a friend who no matter how hard she tries cant get over her first boyfriend,He was the first person she slept with and they were friends for 4 years before they got together,they were together on an off for roughly 3 years but things didint work out.He moved away and she hasnt seen him for 2 years but every guy shes with she cant help but compare them and she tells me over and over again that shel never love anyone as much as him. Do you think she should move on and forget about him and like i keep telling her they split up for a reason.Or should i help her to find him?But for all i know he could be married, please help a confused friend thank xxxx
2006-09-25 01:37:41 · 35 answers · asked by cheekychimp 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
If they do - then is wasn't really love.
2006-09-25 01:39:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
First love is a very special thing, some people can never get over it completely. You move on though, as you say the relationship didn't work out for whatever reason and I believe you should never go back. If she found him and they tried again the relationship would not be the same and the chances are the old problems would come back. I wouldn't advise helping her find him. Instead help her find someone else. She will eventually find someone who is different but equilly as agood as that first love. She may never forget her first love but she will find love again and those feelings with the new person will overshadow the old ones.
2006-09-25 01:44:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The fact that your friend can't get over her 1st, is a choice that she's made. She can just as easily make a choice to get over him. It's tragic that she's wasting her time pining away for a relationship that has been dead in the ground for over 2 yrs.
He's obviously moved on, & she would be better off if she did the same.
You aren't going to help your friend by supporting the faint hope that she will one day be together with him again.
She may be stuck in the past because the only part she remembers are the good times. Get her to tell you about all of the times he treated her like crap. (Even if you've heard the story so many times your could wretch) If you do that often enough she will eventually replace those happy memories with the less than pleasant ones & maybe then she will find it easier to forget him.
2006-09-25 01:53:47 · answer #3 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a very good question. I first started dating at 20. I'm 40 next month. And although in that time i have only ever been in for relationships. No one night stands. And i have been married for the last ten years. Never had an affair. I still remember the first girl that i went out with. I even got engage to her. Then she riuned my life completly. By seeing some one else behind my back. Then inviting him back while i was there to tell me about it all. May b thats why i remember her so well.
2006-09-25 01:44:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is long time to be with someone, especially your first love.
I think you do get over your first love but this situation is different. They may have split up for a reason but it still hurts and it is only natural to compare people to someone you truly have loved.
Just be a friend and support as best you can although you may feel like your advice falls on deaf ears. She will move on but it will take some time, I hate to say it but "time is a great healer".
2006-09-25 01:49:00 · answer #5 · answered by Daniel K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you get over them, but you really never forget them. My first love was 33 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday. We have been friends all this time also. She has her life and kids and I have mine and my kids. That first love (at least for some people) just leaves such a deep impression (if it was a good experience -- and for me it was) that it never goes away. I am glad for it and it always makes me smile when I look back on it, even though we were only together for about 6 months.
2006-09-25 01:42:24 · answer #6 · answered by Hammer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes definitely, one can get over his/her first love like I did. How old is your friend? When I was young I used to be so idealistic and so head over heels inlove with my first BF and first love despite the fact some of my friends keep telling me he was cheating on me. But still I keep loving him and I was blind. But one day, I woke up realizing that this man whom I love and give my time so much do not really care about me. I started not seeing him. And guess what? He didn't look after me or called me if he really cares or love me. lol
So obviously, if your friend's guy moved away that means he wants to move on too. Do not help your friend to find him. If he still loves your friend he will come back for her now and be with her. If her relationship with her BF is on and off, I think there's a problem already, they are not compatible. And If your friend keep comparing her first love to any man she meet she will never get over him. The first thing to do is remove everything (as in everything) in her room to make her remember her first love. In my case I burned them all. lol Trust me the first few months it was hard but after 6 months, I am ready over him and started meeting new people. Start activities also to keep your friend busy, like join a sport or any recreation. Let your friend know that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Now when I look back, I am glad I moved on and forget about my first love. If I didn't move on and get my degree and enjoy my career and become matured and wiser, I would never have found the love of my life and now my husband who is really my soulmate. So I wish your friend goodluck and peace of mind!
2006-09-25 01:58:34 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. Serendipity 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been where your friend is now. Everything reminds her of him. Only so much time and a new love got me through the feelings i had for my old love, i will forever have a soft spot for him though, and this probably will be the case for your friend, find her a new man, even if they're just friends at first.
2006-09-25 01:41:25 · answer #8 · answered by ♡MaNda♡ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people who hang on for that long really need help! i was with my first love for about 2 and a half years! after a year of being single (as back then i needed to find myself again) i met my current bf he is my world now and nothing compares. i am so happy. i let go of what is believed to be some romantic idea and stopped being sentimental over nothing!
2006-09-25 03:04:42 · answer #9 · answered by crunchymonkey 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guess she is only remembering the good times. You are correct, they split up for a reason. Maybe you should help find him and close the chapter of that book once and for all. You do eventually get over your first love but you will always remember it.
2006-09-25 01:41:50 · answer #10 · answered by blueyes2001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well its actually quite difficult.u feel thrown out of th world and lonely for a while.friends do a great job at such times.without them its really hard to get over ur FIRST LOVE.first love s just infatuation.when u lose 1 u have no other choice.just forget that person and live happily
2006-09-25 01:49:05 · answer #11 · answered by jerry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋