My husband works A LOT. He works 2 jobs and very long hours at each. He doesn't get much time with our 2 kids and says that it bothers him. Well, this weekend after work he got done around 1 am & went to the bar & claimed that he got lost on the way home (he was in another city working about an hour away) & didn't get home until 5 am. I'm mad cuz not only could he have gotten pulled over & gone to jail or hurt himself or others from drinking & driving, but he told me on the phone when I finally called him at 4 am that "if it were up to him he'd never come home". I know he's under a LOT of stress. The money he makes isn't great & there is a whole lot more that we both want for ourselves & our kids. I'm sure he regrets what he said, cuz sometimes I feel the same way. I haven't really talked to him since. He went to work last night & only has a couple of hours before he starts another job, this morning. Should I try to talk to him or leave it alone & hopefully I can make on my own.
2006-09-25 01:18:54 · 17 answers · asked by toobusy 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I do work, but it's for his business. I book him for jobs...I don't actually get paid...
2006-09-25 01:23:21 · update #1
I would love to have him home more, but he pushes himself. He's the one who wants a huge house and new cars...I'm actually pretty content. We don't own our own home yet, but I told him it just takes time. I really don't pressure him...he does it enough for himself.
2006-09-25 01:26:37 · update #2
I work a lot of hours a week and my job can be extremely stressful and there are times when I really would rather not go home either because its just more work. Laundry, bills, cooking, cleaning, and anything else that comes with home life. I feel like all my work and overtime and going in on what is supposed to be my time off will pay off in some way eventually but I never seems to. He's probably discouraged and wants to relax or escape for a while. Home life with kids is even more stressful. The drama in a family takes a lot out of a person with kids being loud and running around and making messes. It can be as crazy as work i'm sure. Rather than getting upset that he said it, you need to have some understanding and accept that he said it and work with it. If you want him to stay honest then don't make him feel bad about what he said if thats the way he really feels. Make plans to make it better and if it starts to get better keep working at it. Always have a solid backup plan and talk regularly. Don't pry or accuse or place blame just call him once in a while durring his day (no bad news or negative discussion). Say your goodbyes everytime he leaves and give him a warm greeting when he gets home. There is nothing worse than comeing home and feeling like you were never even missed. I hope this helps in some way.
2006-09-25 01:56:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Working long hours is no excuse to not be loving and kind to one's spouse, and to make a point of having time together. I have not heard of anyone working around the clock, even with 2 jobs. Maybe he doesn't really have 2 jobs, since you say there is no money coming in? I don't want to put ideas into your head but something doesn't sound right here. You are also under stress, maybe even more than he is, since you have the worry also of money, and you are alone with the children. I'd suggest you go to counseling, and if you need a free service, talk to your pastor at church, and even if you don't have a church you attend, there are plenty of pastors out there who will help you out, and can find additional counseling for you if needed. There are many marriage counselors also.
Your husband is being very irresponsible for drinking and driving, among the other things you mentioned. Communication is the key to solving problems (find solutions, not just rehash all the problems, but resolve them together). Trust is vital, and that needs to be built up too.
Words mean nothing without actions to back them up, remember that, and good luck with your marriage. I hope things will work out for you, but it takes two for it to work out, and three when you include God in the picture.
2006-09-25 08:28:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop
what you should do is each on of you work different shift if it is a babysitter problem
I know how stressful it can be financially
but in trying to get your family material things you are about to loss your marriage
you and hubby must seat down and talk cut back on things that are not necessary
you two need to set some priorities
by the way if you ask your children what is more important to them it probably is spending time with mommy and daddy
go to vacation together
even driving to another city for a weekend is a Vac
Good Luck
2006-09-25 08:27:15 · answer #3 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You'd better start looking around for a way to support yourself and the kids if he disappears. Sounds like the two of you have taken on more than you can handle. Isn't there any way to cut back your bills so he can work only one job? Sure, there's "a whole lot more that we both want for ourselves and our kids" but is it worth being divorced and the kids being bounced from your home to his home for short visits? Or him just walking away and not visiting like some Dads do?
Most kids would rather have a Dad in their lives than to have the big TV, the satellite dish (or cable TV), the nice cars, new furniture, etc. yet most parents are obsessed with buying all these nice things and then are sweating the payments!
Do talk to him about looking for a solution you both can live with but you'd better be ready with a "back up plan" in case he tells you off and stomps out.
2006-09-25 08:26:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you need to know why he said that and if he was serious. You need to both work in able to make a living for your family and it isn't good that he doesn't spend time with the kids or you. You both are growing apart, you know it and so does he.
Sit down and both of you write on a piece of paper 5 things you don't like about your lives and then discuss them. Don't get mad at what you read, but discuss how you can make them better. Hand them to each other at the same time, read, discuss. It works.
2006-09-25 08:27:45 · answer #5 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im sorry because I guess Im mean ,if a man told me he wished he didnt have to come home I would say please dont ,ok I realize you feel bad he works alot ,but this gave him no reason to go to a bar ,he could have had drinks at home to relax him ,are you sure there is no other woman ,I just have that feeling because when my husband did this it was another woman he would say he fell asleep on the highway ,and boy did he ever ,a young girl screaming im pregnant .so I would do alittle checking ,good luck I hope he is not up to nothing ,
2006-09-25 08:28:36 · answer #6 · answered by Holly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends on what you are confortable with. I can't let things go and hope for the best I HAVE to sort them out or I will stew on it over and over which ultimately makes things worse. I choose to take the bull by the horns and talk it out, get it over with and move on. I also tend not to place blame or make it like it's his fault or mine - I often say " I know you didn't mean it this way but this is how it made me feel" because usually they don't mean it the way it comes out - so people are better with word than others. Good luck I hope this helps.
2006-09-25 08:31:40 · answer #7 · answered by prettyfroggy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have him tied in all kind of knots, Why is the poor guy working two jobes? are you working? Are the two of you spending it so faster can't get home and relax a bit?
Why not do without the new car and the big house etc and try one job.
Or just go your separate ways and gouge the hell out of him in Cort.
2006-09-25 08:30:06 · answer #8 · answered by Ben 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sounds like he is really stressed and you need to give a little..if he is workin two jobs he deserves to be able to relax whether it be at a bar or at home. mabe the two you you should decide if having "alot more" is worth him not being there. love and family are worth more than material things.
2006-09-25 08:24:08 · answer #9 · answered by crazylady1193 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you'd better get prepared to make it on your own.
2006-09-25 08:22:41 · answer #10 · answered by bookfreak2day 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋