problems with my 21 yr old son-need help please??

Question

my son wanted me to call out of work for him-he was just rehired 2 wks ago-he had to be in work 6am and took a medication he knew would keep him up all night-he wanted be to lie and say he had to take me to the hospital-i told him it would be better for him to call since at his age coming from his mom would sound lame-he became angry and irate-he did call and make up a story and he said he would now be fired and it would be my fault because of his past call out history with this company--i feel guilt about this--he has been out of work since last october and when he reapplied to the company they rehired him-should i feel this guilt? i myself am on medical leave from my job and the stress of this situation is making matters worse for me and my 18 yr old son--any serious advice please!!

Answer 1

All children make their mother feel as if it is our fault, and we feel the guilt because we love our children so much, and we just can't seem to help it. Your son is taking advantage of you, and he doesn't want to be responsible for his own actions. He is a grown adult now, and I hate to say it, but mom, your going to have to back away and let him fall on his own. He knows he should not have missed work, exspecially when he just got rehighered. Obviously he has a history of calling off, and needs to know that you do not mess with a job by calling off all the time, if he wants to keep it. As moms, we won't be around for ever, and he needs to step up and be a man. He says its your fault and now he will be fired. Well if he's fired its no buddies fault but his. I have a 19 year old son, and he works as much as possible. I can see he likes that paycheck. He moved into his own apartment about 3 months ago, and I encourage it, because I wanted him to venture out and know he can make it on his own. He is doing great. I helped him get the things he needed to get started, but he asks me for nothing. He wants to do things for himself. This makes me very proud. Sometimes we are too good of moms, and that makes us bad moms, cause we spoil our children, and they grow up with the attitude that we owe it to them. I know because I was doing this with my children. Then they became teenagers, and I had to change my prospect on things, because I knew they had to learn to make it in this world, and I wasn't going to be around forever to bail them out. My next to the oldest (she's 17) works at Burger King, and I tell her to pay for the things she wants now that she is working, and I've also made her put half or more of her paycheck in the bank. I want her to learn responsiblity, and in a couple years she will look back and realize what I taught her. So what I am trying to say is, your a good mom, but no matter how bad it tears you up, you need to step back, and let him live and learn. Or he will blame you the rest of his life. Kids kill me how they have this way of making us the bad one, and how its all our fault. You need to tell him, that its not your place to call him off of work, he is no longer that little boy that needs to stay home from school. He needs to see to be a man, and go to work sick, don't take medication that will keep you up all night. Good luck mom, I hope this helped

Answer 2

Your son wants to use you as a lab rat to get him for being out of trouble. Why can't he take his med in the daytime ? Having his mom to call at 21, is not lame at all. But I can say it's a lazy way of doing it.
No matter if you call for him or not. If they wanted to fire him, they will go ahead and do it anyway. He is 21 not 2, and needs to grow up. He is not in diapers and you don't need to wipe his butt anymore.
Then again, they may not fired him, if so well he try to go get another one. Even flipping bugers is a job. You can help out so much and go so far with then. Till something will break in between .
He is an adult now, and he needs to start acting like an adult. Don't baby him, or he will keep feeding off of it. He can't run to mother every time he falls down. He has to get up and get going again.
Then if matters turn worse, think about making him move out.

Answer 3

Speaking as a young, twenty-something myself (24) I can honestly tell you that he's using you. Somehow, this psuedo-man is not grasping that he's supposed to be a man now.

I understand why your heart is torn over your decision because if he loses his job, you're most likely going to be supporting him. Remember that it wasn't your fault he lost the job in the first place, it isn't your fault that his call out history is so poor, and it isn't your fault that your moral latitude is so much higher than his. The fact that you stood up for yourself shows you're a caring mother.

If nothing else, this should teach him to take responsibility for his own actions. And it might be that push he needs to lean towards his manhood instead of his mommy.

Answer 4

Hi parent Mom be strong do not feel guilty, he is an adult 21 years old, unless he has a mental disability, and may need professional assistance. yet if there is no mental health issues, then he needs to learn to take responsibility for his actions and choices and deal with the out come from his own choices, or you will enable him from taking responsibility for his action and choice, you do not want him to call you up when he is 40 years old asking you to call his boss that he does not want to show up for work, or have him ask you to tell his wife he does not want to accept his responsibilities. Also do not give him control over by pushing your emotional buttons, just remain strong and firm and commonly inform him that is his responsibility to do.

Answer 5

You were right, your son is wrong, no one above the age of eighteen should have their mother call in for him for any reason, it just looks childish and irresponsible. Neither should your son have called in the following morning. If he knew he had to take a medicine like that, he should have called in the evening before. Furthermore, he should have to back up his excuse with a doctor's note. Even if he was going to use the excuse of taking you to the hospital, he should have been prepared with a note from the emergency room. I think its pretty obvious your son needs to grow up and this is going to be a hard lesson for him.

Answer 6

My son (18) once told work that his Uncle died (he didn't) so he could go and see his girlfriend. His work called me to ask where they could send the flowers and their condolences. I was floored!!! I've always told him to be honest with work.So he took medication, they can not fire him for that, they would have been idiots to make him work. They fired him because he lied, what was the excuse he gave? Tell your son He is 21 and he should not use his mommy to lie for him. DO NOT feel guilty for your ADULT sons actions. He should be responsible for his actions. Don't feel bad, that's what he wants so he doesn't have too. It's his fault he got fired. NOT YOURS.

Answer 7

You definitely have no fault.
He must be responsible for all his actions, not throw guilt on others.
Try to guide your other son in not becoming the same as his brother.
Just tell him he is old enough to take care of his problems. You are there for him as his mother and you will ever be, but this doesn't mean you have to encourage this type of actions. Help came in what you did, not in what he wanted you to do.

Answer 8

Does he live at home? If he does you need to kick him out on his rear so he can see how life can he hard if youre lazy. Quit treating him like hes 10, hes not, he is 21 and he has to take responsibility for his own actions.

Answer 9

He needs to grow up. You did the right thing, don't let him coerce you into lying. And shame on him for even asking!!!

If he is so irresponsible that he was fired, then re-hired and doesn't value his job enough to be responsible to get there on time, then frankly he deserves to be fired.

Answer 10

He's of age, and needs to grow up, save and move out on his own. Give him a timeframe to get his life together and move out.
Time for baby bird to leave the nest.