Shy as hell?

Question

I go to the Ku Bar in London of a Saturday evening (great bar), because I'm single, and would like to pick a guy up (I'm gay). To be honest, I'm so bloody shy I cannot strike up a conversation with anyone at all, and wind up going home alone. Honestly, what do I do?

Hells bells, 'let 'em have it'! What a compassionate soul you are. no, I suppose sexuality doesn't matter. For the record, I don't shout my sexuality from the rafters, and I'm not some mincing luvvie queen. But you didn't have to bite my head off. If you've got nothing nice to say, bugger off and answer somebody else's question. Have a nice day - I'm sure somebody loves you.

Yohan, my sexuality is kinda important to the question...but, alright, I won't ram it down your throat. Incidentally, if you are sick of hearing about gay people....why are you answering this question in the first place. Love you.

Answer 1

you are just as good as anyone else- others can only intimidate you if you let them. Have you thought about going to other places (ie. not 'I am so obviously on the pull places') to build up your confidence and to start a conversation without it necessarily going any where. Also smile! some people will respond and smile back making you feel better, you then might even get an opportunity to say hi. x

Answer 2

This is addressed to Letem Haveit.

You are an idiot! This is a gay man, asking how to approach gay men in a gay bar, so the fact that he is gay is paramount to how people will answer his question. If he had missed out the 'I'm gay' part of his sentence, we would presume that he was female! You are a fool and a bigot. It's a shame stupidity isn't painful!


Shy as hell?
It's hard to approach strangers, all the advice in the world won't make that any easier! The simple way to get talking is to just keep going to the bar. You'll soon be noticed as a regular, and you'll soon begin to notice who else is a there often, you'll be surprised how just being in the same bar often enough will get you noticed. Remember, there will be other guys there who feel exactly the same as you! Just hang in there, sooner or later someone will come along! Also getting very drunk and dancing on tables dressed only in your underwear will get you noticed! Good luck!

Answer 3

you stood up too 'hells bells' rather well- so you dont have a problem asserting yourself i guess. Look, just be natural and talk to these men. most are there for the same reason as you anyway. but you really must start somewhere. this is the only way for you to get more experience. dont worry you will be fine. goodluck.
ps. in a conversation i usaully start with the basics: do you come here often? why? or where do you usually go? you know, just chit chat. like i am doing right now...

Answer 4

London is full of gay men groups that do not involve bars. You could buy gay time out, and have a look. If you can find a gay group that does something interesting that you enjoy, then you are more likely to find someone interesting to talk to. If you find them interesting you will find it much easier to talk to them. In a bar it is very hard to strike up a conversation. You know nothing about the person, and they may be really boring. If you find it hard to talk to people it is probably because they are dull, not that you are shy.

Incidentally, the user "letem_havit" is totally wrong. It is really hard to find gay people to go out with, because we make up 10% of the population, so that's only 5% of the right gender and right orientation. How are we meant to find people to go out with at work or sports clubs? We often have to resort to going to gay-only spaces to be sure that we are SAFE and going after someone who is of the required persuasion.

Answer 5

My advice is simply to dress nice, be nice, and be open about what might be talked about and with whom. You'll be amazed at what can come from doing exactly that! I know I was! I did that one night out and ended up with a paid job as a live-in care taker in a really nice big house with two very nice guys (gay partners) who are in their mid 70s and 80s! My whole life has since changed! And I mean everything!! And for the better!!!

Answer 6

Relax.
Stop drinking coffee.
Do some yoga.
Find a guy you like, go introduce yourself ask him something personal (not having to do with sex) like where he is from or something like that and with the flow. Answer his questions and ask him more. If you make the conversation personnal in the first 30 seconds, the other guy won't get bored and you'll have a good chance of ending in his bed.

Answer 7

Meet people over the Internet. Perhaps go to the bar together after you've emailed and chatted a few times. Several sites, email and I will give you a couple of suggestions.

Answer 8

Short answer? Stop judging yourself. We are shy if we continually think of reasons why people won't like us or won't talk to us. Learn to like yourself and value yourself. Spend time with genuine friends, take some to the bar. Your friends will help you relax and so not be shy.

Also, do not go with any kind of expectation other than to enjoy yourself.

Answer 9

Send a drink over to someone you are attracted to and they will come over if interested.

Have someone introduce you to another person in their friend group.

Find someone through yahoo personals (can be done) or some other personal website like http://www.gaymillionaireclub.com or similar.

Answer 10

Have a drink, loosen up and say Hello! The worst thing that's going to happen is that you end up doing what you are already doing.