How can I stop feeling like this?

Question

I finished my 6 year relationship with my boyfriend a few months ago. he was very controlling and had a violent temper, although he never actually hit me. i do still love him but i couldnt stay in the relationship any longer. i know i have done the right thing but why do i feel "lost" without him?i dont want to get back with him but do feel like a part of me is "missing". how can i stop feeling like this and move on?

Answer 1

Sweetie I know what you mean. I was with my ex for 13 years and he was violent that includes hitting me. I had a nervous breakdown after I left him...but I do not have feelings for this man. No way. You are a brave lady to walk away. Just remember two things.
1. You are a good person and YOU deserve to have better.
2. No man is worth it...
I know it is hard but love move on. It will come in time.

Kim Australia

Answer 2

It's a case of routine - you lived sharing everything from what to eat to where to go for 6 years. Its a reaction from unfamiliarity and discomfort of the new!
If you had the strength to end it and walk away it had to be more bad than good and a violent temper is never good to live with. You need to contact old friend and establish new ones, go do what you enjoy - it is your time to pamper yourself and shake off the old ways of doing things as one half of a couple. Take advantage and possibly do a little travelling (on your own or with a good friend), it can do wonders to free up the soul when feeling that something is missing. Try to enjoy being a free spirit as life is what you make of it - having no ties can be very liberating. Take care and good luck!.

Answer 3

It is like walking on all fours your entire life and then being told to walk upright. You're so used to not having to balance on two legs or hold so much weight up, that you fall over.

It's the same with your relationship. You were so usecd to sharing your time with him, talking to him, spending time with him, and loving him, that you threw away other things in your life, to be with him.

Now that you are free you are like a hurricane victim with no roof over your head, so now you have to start from scratch. Start collecting pieces of wood and start building a new house. A new life for yourself. Give yourself a purpose. If you're lost, it is because your purpose for 6 years was your relationship with this guy. Concentrate on helping the homeless, or giving your time to a charity. You'll feel better about yourself and you'll fill that void.

You'll need to cry and let the tears out. You'll have bad days, i won't lie, but when relationships that have ended after a while because of long term emotional abuse, you already know in your head it wasn't going to work, but you can't help but feel the emptiness.

Just take my advice and move on slowly. something else is waiting to fill up the cracks.

Answer 4

I have recently split up with my Girlfriend,well in January this year.
I was with her for 4 years.It still hurts like hell and i wanna be with her,but there isnt a chance we will.
We had a lot of fantastic times but we also had arguments like every relationship does.
I am suffering from clinical depression and have been for the past 2-3 years,which my doctor has diagnosed.
If i only would have known what was wrong then maybe we would still be together.
But things happen for a reason and you just have to learn to let things go.And i also feel like i am missing the most important thing i have ever had in my life.....

Answer 5

Any loss, even one that was bad for you, is a loss. It takes time to get over a loss. Supposedly, it takes half the time you were with someone to fully get over them. Also, a controlling man (who really is considered an abuser as control is a form of abuse), doesn't like to lose his control and may try to woo you back or retaliate. Just keep telling yourself "at least I'm not being controlled anymore". I have been there & my ex took 10 years to get over most of his abuse. Some of the control issues are still there but we can now commincate cordially which is good as we have childen together. And I have a great boyfriend who is not controlling or abusive and we are very happy. Good Luck

Answer 6

Don;t worry there is nothing to be worried about Your just abit love sick your body mind and heart have been brainwashed into loving and caring for this one person
You just need to turn that around on yourself next time you are feeling lonely smile and get yourself happy you need to retrain your mind not to think about this thing all the time.
Its like being on a diet of facing your fear, just think of it as an achevement. Or if you are feeling guilty for ending it and upsetting him just think of all the times he upset you, all the times you shouted at each other at the top of your voice and the days you looked at him and thought i hate you.
You will be fine they say it its takes the months to get over the years so if you had been with someone for 1 year it takes a month for you to get over them. This may or may not be true but it has never been true for me and i'm a gemini, we can never go alone always from one relationship to the next.
I hope this helps and doesn't confuse you more.
Don't concerntrate on the bad concentrate on the good
Good Luck

Answer 7

Yup, it's getting past the habitual feeling of having him there that makes you painfully aware of your new-found singlehood.
IT'S OKAY, girl.
You can go out with a good gal fren to shop yourself silly, go on a short trip with a bunch of good frens,
learn to cook or bake or stg....
it will help take your mind off some of the pain when you are pre-occupied... Oh, and immerse yourself in work! Time passes quicker then!
And well, time will cause those feelings to ultimately fade.
I do hope you stay strong and don't backslide to a damaging relationship.... you will be so much happier and stronger for it.

Answer 8

6 years is a long time to be with someone these days you find it difficult because you was/are in a routine with him its nice to see that women do get out of violent and controlling relationships try taking up a hobby to gain your Independence i started kickboxing and haven't looked back since time is a healer in time you with forget about him but don't start dating till you are over him make it clear if you do date someone its as friends

Answer 9

yes, may be it is difficult for you to forget that kind of relationship which lasted for nearly 6 years. however, you took the right decision of concluding that violent relationship which never had love at all. he didn't hit you but has hurt you in many ways, he has pained your heart. this is a withdrawal symptom you are undergoing at present, which will soon disappear to your astonishment. concentrate in your career and involve yourself deeply in hobbies which you like the most. spend your valuable time helping others who are in dire need. always keep your mind fresh and cheerful without any worries, totally surrendering to God, the super power. that's all, your life is wonderful. listen to good music which is soothing to your heart, see how miraculously your mind is becoming cool like ice, loving one and all.

Answer 10

6 years is a long time to be with anybody - your life would have changed dramatically when you split up.

How you're feeling is perfectly normal, you're just grieving the loss of a big part of your life.

Things will get better, I can guarantee it. In a while, you'll wonder what you were getting so worked up about.