I have been in this relationship for 14 months. I care for him but am not sure what to do. Here are most of the things that happen: for six months he talked about his ex every day and even went down to her house one night to see her because he was mad I was at a friends, he is very controlling and possesive, he gets angered easily and so badly to the point where I am scared, he treats me as if I cheated on him because of a past realtionship, he hates/doesn't want me to hang out with other people, he doesn't want me talking to any guys at all, when I am not with him he always wants to be on the phone, I've been told it's different if boys hang out with girls rather than vice versa.. We've broken up twice and both times I let him back into my life. Everything is fine for a while then it just seems to go back to how it was. I am not sure what to do at this point. And if I do break up with him how would I go about doing it or what would I say? I really just don't know what to do anymore.
2006-09-24 20:06:16 · 16 answers · asked by hexe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It seems you already know you need to break up with him. You need to do it soon and for good. You already know that he will get back in the same manipulative rut if you let him back in so you need to cut things completely before he sucks out all your self worth.
His jealous behavior is abuse. Call him as soon as you can and tell him that you cannot live like this any more. You are not happy with how he treats you and you have already given him chances to "do better next time." Tell him that you are breaking up with him.
Don't mince words. Don't make it uncertain. He needs to learn now that his behavior is bad and that it drives people away.
The longer you put up with his bad behavior, the more he learns that he can get away with it.
BTW, if he makes ANY threats or makes you feel in any way unsafe, call the police immediately.
2006-09-24 20:17:52 · answer #1 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. well, sounds *almost* like my past relationship. when i left him, he went psycho and wanted to come after me and i had to move out of state. and i am pretty much incognito right now.
domestic violence has a 3 stage cycle. which forms a triangle.
first is the honeymoon stage, then there's tension, then there's the fight and after the fight, it's the honeymoon stage again. and it keeps on cycling and nothing every changes. are you going to wait until he physically hurts you before you decide to leave? or would you rather leave now when you realized the situation you're in?
this guy seems very insecure and that makes him unpredictable and possibly dangerous. don't think about the future and what *could* happen. just think about your happiness and how much better it would be once he's out of your life.
just think about it this way. do you have more happy memories or bad memories with this person? if the bad is overcoming the good, then you know your answer is to get out.
and if you really wanted to leave him, then you wouldn't be questioning yourself.
2006-09-25 07:24:08 · answer #2 · answered by Pearlz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all i am really sorry that you are going through this, but I hope you get out of this relationship as soon as possible. You need to realize that he is not going to change. You let him back into your life two times, and he still hasn't changed, do you really believe the third time's a charm? I think you need to break up with him [whichever way you feel more comfortbale with], and just get some space in between you two. Don't call him, don't pick up his calls and try to avoid him. This way you can see how you do without him. If you really feel you NEED him in your life then tell him he needs to change. Tell him that you guys should be equals in the relationship.
sorry i had such a long answer..it's just..i could relate. =\
I hope everything turns out okay.
2006-09-24 20:13:59 · answer #3 · answered by .LoveStoned. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do know what to do You just keep hoping that he will change and be like he is after you break up and you take him back. You love him when he's like that and you want him to stay that way. But this is not going to happen. So no matter how much you love him it's time to let him go for good. Just tell him that you do care a lot for him but you just can't keep living like this. You've done it twice already you can do it again.
2006-09-24 20:51:21 · answer #4 · answered by robert d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Hexe
You're quite right. You're in an unhealthy relationship. It might be that your bf's topsy turvy mood swings has affected your confidence.
You know you're in bad and you probably know you need to get out. So just do it. There's no right or wrong. Just say to him, "it's over" no need for any explanation... it just is.
The hard part is keeping it dat way. Come on, you've tried twice and both times it failed (miserably). Something is obviously wrong, do make the mistake again. Take the decision and stick to it.
Good luck.
2006-09-24 20:23:31 · answer #5 · answered by Hang Tough 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already answered your own questions in the title.
You are in an unhealthy relationship and he doesn't sound like he is going to change anytime soon.
When you're in a relationship you have the trust the other person and not control them.
You should end the relationship and focus on yourself for a while, instead of worrying about everything you do and how he's going to react.
2006-09-24 20:11:31 · answer #6 · answered by jgood 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know exactly what you have to do. Get away and get away now and NEVER let him back in your life.
He only cares about you when he can't have you. He wants to be with his ex but when you want to hang out with other people, he wants to control you.
At some stage his control will become forceful and eventually abusive. Get out now while you can.
Just tell him you don't love him anymore, you don't like his behaviour and you don't want to see him again. Do this in a public place with someone you know close by who can leave with you.
2006-09-24 20:13:03 · answer #7 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know is hard and you are afraid, but you have to try to get out of this relationship, because is not only not going to change but most of the time it gets worst to the point where he could start hurting you physically. I you want to break up with him don't do it when you are alone with him.
2006-09-24 20:19:59 · answer #8 · answered by rucrazy? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you watched the tyra banks show about handling break-ups?did you know that most women who are in a bad relationship can't break up with their man because they are afraid of being alone?well i hope you do a lot of soul searching my dear because it seems like your man has not been treating you right and in my opinion I think the relationship that you have with him is not for long term relationship. I think sooner or later you will be fed up on him.
Break free girL!!! there are a lot of fishes in the sea....
2006-09-24 20:12:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Break up right now, straight away and don't look back and surely don't take him back. If you don't you will be leading a very unhappy life, if you are lucky, or end up in worse ways if you're not. This is not the way, so go away.
2006-09-24 20:14:12 · answer #10 · answered by Patrick L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋