Pregnant and scared?

Question

Im 20y.o. and 34 weeks pregnant. The babys dad isnt around at the moment and says he doesnt want to be. but then he will ask his family about me and how the baby is. Im scared that hes going to try and take the baby from me when the baby is finally born. Im scared that he will get him or even visitations...his wife(didnt know he was married till after the baby) cant even have her own kids I dont know what she would do to mine! I need some advise or something...I dont know what to do! Help!

he also has 3 little girls- 1 he let his aunt adopt and the other 2 are now in the custody of his mother. he doesnt go see them regularly and he doesnt cclaim the two youngest ones.

Answer 1

First of all, please stop worrying about the father. It is not good for your health, nor the baby's.

Secondly, if the dad isn't around, and he is married, then he is not going to be a problem to you after the baby is born. If he tries to go for custody, try to document every time he does see you as opposed to when he stays away. Asking about you seems to be a personal guilt trip, rather than having good intentions.

Third...I know it is scary to be a single mom, but if you truly want this baby, then square your shoulders, pick up your chin, and start taking care of YOURSELF and what you need to do before the baby comes. Have a shower. See your doctor. Eat well, and rest well.

Visitations will have to be decided in the court. He is the father, so he does have a right, however ******** it is. Don't worry about that now, though.

Smile, sweetie! There is a miracle inside you right now that NEEDS you, with, or without, the absent father. Be strong, and best of luck!

Answer 2

Chances are if he said he doesn't want to be around the baby he may not, and maybe he's just asking because it is his baby and he's wondering if there's any problems going on with the pregnancy.

I don't think you're unwise, though, to consider that he may try to get custody of the baby, particulary if the wife can't have kids. People on here have said if you can take care of the baby you don't have to worry, but - and I hate to say this - I think you're wise to be aware that this is something he could try and to be thinking about things you can do.

I have seen situations where a perfectly capable mother can lose custody of children to a scheming father; so it does happen sometimes. What fathers often do is lie about the mother's abillity to care for the children, point out that the mother may not have the financial resources the father does, or even start talking about how he believes the mother may have emotional problems or be mentally ill. They then tell a few people convincingly - and, voila - the mother is being doubted and watched. If the mother doesn't work they say she has no money. If she works they say she won't be there to care for the child. Generally, you shouldn't have to worry; but every once in a while a particularly clever person or their particularly clever attorney can cause serious problems.

I think you should call an attorney who specializes in custody situations and who would see you for a half hour for a "free initial consultation" (which they sometimes advertise with their phone book listing). I don't know if this is something you should do, but it would seem to me if the father has said he doesn't want to be around the baby or involved with it; ask an attorney if it would be a good idea for you to ask him to sign away his parental rights. I know that sometimes judges won't allow that because they go after fathers for child support; but an attorney could tell you all the ins and outs of this type of thing.

At 34 weeks you could possibly deliver early (I had my son at 34 weeks), so you probably want to at least talk to an attorney as soon as possible just in case. Something else to consider is whether or not you will have the option of putting "father unknown" on the birth certificate and whether that would offer you any protection. I'm guessing if he wants the baby he can go to court and say its his, and they could order a paternity test; but ask about this anyway. See what they say.

If he wants visitation there's a chance he could get that. He's the baby's father. Maybe a lawyer could tell you if there's a way you could ask this person to sign an agreement that he won't seek visitation. Again, I don't know. I just know you're right to be a little concerned.

Don't panic; but ask an attorney soon, so you can be advised about anything you can do to try to head off problems.

Answer 3

Most courts will not take custody away from the biological mother unless she's unfit. Document that he hasn't been around, that he's said he wants nothing to do with it etc. That will be your best protection. See if one of his family members will testify to the same thing. It always helps if you can get someone else to corroborate your story.

I don't think he'll take you to court, that costs a lot of money and his wife is gonna be pissed. There is no way she'll want to raise his mistress' kid. Chances are she'll divorce his cheating *** and forget all about you. So I wouldn't worry about her.

Visitation on the other hand he is entitled to as long as he pays child support. Once the baby is born, you need to make the decision on whether or not you want child support. If so, then be prepared for him to ask for visitation. If not, be prepared for him to ask for visitation. Doesn't mean you have to let him see the baby if he's not helping supporting it, but he'll expect it anyway. Good luck honey. Dead beat dads suck.

Answer 4

First of all...calm down. You still have time to sort things out. Call the dad and ask him what his intentions are. If you really feel like he is going to try to take your baby, call a lawyer. Have him do some research, and when the baby is born, you will be ready for whatever he tries to pull. You are the mother. The courts will not take your baby from you unless you can be proven unfit. As long as you are not doing anything that will potentially harm the baby or yourself, you should be okay. They may grant joint custody or visitation, but they have to prove that you cannot take care of your child to take it away. Why is it that his wife can't have her own kids? She can't have any physically, or hers were taken away? If they were taken away, why? You need to collect info about your babys father and his wife. If you think that they would actually harm your child, then fight them. If he would be a good dad though, give him a chance. All children deserve to have both of their parents in their lives. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you. Congratulations on the baby, I wish you the best!!

Answer 5

First, just calm down and don't worry. It's not good for you or the baby.
He can't take the baby from you for absolutely no reason. No judge would take a baby from his biological mother unless there were some extreme circumstances like drug abuse or that kind of thing. The worst case scenario would be him getting partial custody and visitation with your child. This is a definite given if you will be pursuing child support from him.
If you feel that he is unfit or that his wife is unfit to be around your baby you would have to make those feelings known in court and the judge would then decide what he thinks is in the best interest of the child.
Good luck!

Answer 6

If your ex acutally bothers to see the child, then all he'll be allowed is visiting rights. If he doesn't have any contact with the child, he won't get any visiting rights at all. I know because I was in the same situation as you, and I sought legal advise.

I'm in England and that's the way the law goes here. I don't know where you are.

Answer 7

If he trys to take the baby they will see hes not right because he cheated on his wife and wasn't there when you were pregnant I know you didn't have you baby yet but when you do they will see that hes a loser. If you want you could take him for child support if you wanta put yourself thought that i wish you all the best and for you to have a sweet baby good luck!!!!

Answer 8

First of all, unless youre an unfit mother he can never take the baby from you, it just wont happen, but if he want to see the baby he deserves to and no child ever deserves to not know their father, as for the wife, forget her its not your fault he was unfaithful, and being a mother will come naturally as time goes on, just remeber no one is perfect, we all make mistakes just be sure to learn from them and you'll be ok

Answer 9

You are only 20 years old. You are too young to have children, and you're not even married or in a relationship. You should be in college getting a degree so you can get a good job in the future so you can actually SUPPORT the child.
I would suggest that you get an abortion, but it is much too late.
Now you must suffer the consequences...

Give the child up for adoption...Let it have a good life.

Answer 10

Relax! the last thing your baby needs right now is you to be upset. Check with your doctor to see if they can recommend counseling for you or a support group in your area, hopefully your fears are wrong. Good luck with your new baby!