Does depression have an effect on relationships? (answers from people with same experience, please)?

Question

I'm 25 years old. I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder when I was 18 or 19. I have been on and off of medication and therapy since then. I have had several suicide attempts. My last doctor, who changed her diagnosis to bi-polar disorder, quit on me last year.

I realized that when I make friends (both male and female), I make really deep attachments (both ways). But eventually, the friendships end, usually with both parties badly hurt and angry at each other.

It's also similar for my romantic relationships. The first relationship that I had lasted for 5 years, but the poor guy (whom I loved intensely and who loved me just the same) had to suffer a lot because of my condition. We fianlly broke up, and since then I've had a couple of relationships that didn't work out and some flings on the side. I realized that I am hooked to men whom I can't have: men who are married or who just don't want me.

Why is this? Am I really dysfunctional? Is there hope for me?

Am I bad?

Answer 1

There are several issues at work here:

1) You are NOT bad, don't let that idea take hold. Not every thought in your head (or my head or antibody's) is true. Don't accept negative thoughts as truths. They are just thoughts.

2) Yes, there is hope for you. There is always hope. The fact that you're asking these questions proves you're full of hope and a desire to be better.

3) You say 'dysfunctional' as if it's a bad thing? (a tiny joke to lighten the mood)

4) Of course depression affects relationships, it affects every aspect of our (yours, mine, others) lives. I tend to withdraw from my partner when I'm in a depressive state of mind. It's ruined or complicated most of my adult relationships, and was a major reason I struggled to fit in at school and college.

5) You choose 'unobtainable' men out of a sense of low self esteem, as on some level, you think you deserve to be miserable, and chasing unavailable men is a sure fire way to be miserable.

6) Deep attachments aren't bad in themselves, they can be very rewarding relationships, if you have all the other issues in check, not 'cured' but under control with meds and councilling.

7) Please, please, please try to find a new Dr. or therapist who specializes in your type of issues. Nothing is more harmful that a crappy "shrink", been down that road too. I know how hard this is, seaching for a new one, as I'm now struggling with this issue myself.

8) Stay away from things you know will make you sad, it sounds simple, but it works. Being 'down' is as addictive as any drug. Try to do things that you enjoy to occupy you time.

9) Have stregnth to press on and never give up. (I'm 40 and I haven't quit trying yet, and I didn't seek help until I was 30)

Answer 2

If you changed your age and the years of your longest relationship, this would be me. I am 34 and my longest relationship has been 2 years.

Dysfunctional, maybe, but that isn't the word I would use, you have a disease and need to find another doctor that will be able to help you. I don't want you to end up on the edge of your 35th birthday and have only a couple of true friends and no romantic relationships in sight.

I have been seeing a doctor that has been trying to get the meds right and she just hasn't been able too, but I think it is more me then anything else. I have anxiety as well, and from the outside world I am sure I look like I have a normal but lonely life...but the hell I go through everyday just to make it through is only really seen by me because I don't let people in. Please don't do the same!!!! Get in to see someone who will be able to help you and get your meds right so that you can live a normal life and find the love that I know you need and deserve.

Answer 3

No you're not bad, I was the same way at your age and I have been suffering with seasonal depression, anxiesty and panic disorder accompanied by agoraphobia. Hell I'm still here and I'm 42.
the only difference I see between us is you became attached, probably at the height of your depression and I backed off at mine. Treatment is treatment, don't play with that. If you find something that works stick with it. Find a Dr that specializes in depression. Someone you can talk to freely. After 20 yrs of therapy I finally found the right Dr Depression hurts, when you hurt true friends will hurt too. Surround yourself with positives, God #1 music (happy music) keep a journal, and when the time arrives even if it's only a day...sit back and enjoy that time, remember the feeling don't let it scare you...you are entitled to a good day and when the bad day comes, that's ok too because just like every one else it's ok to have a bad day
Nothing is going to happen to you today that you and GOD can't handle.
Keep smiling you are at the bottom and you can only go up from here. Trust me

Answer 4

Bipolar is not thew funnest one in the world. I am also Bipolar found out 8 years ago. I have had friends come and go some just wouldn't try to understand and would not beleive I could not act normal like them. Some I think were just afraid because they did not understand. One thing to remeber is everyone think differantly and people with bipolar are no differant only thing is we feel deeper than most people we love quicker than most and I think that is because of being lonely swo much off and on, however the fast attatment is what scares people off. I think you choose men you can't have is because that way you won't get hurt there are limitations to a married relationship. I think theraphy can help you alot putting your thoughts in order so you know what is right and what is not the right thing for you to do. You are not bad and there is a huge amount of hope for you. The best thing for you to do is except the bipolar and learn to live with it don't fight it and then you can learn what you can and can't do theraphy can help you with that. Bipolar doesn't make you who you are, you are you and you have to but the bipolar in its place.

Answer 5

There is hope for you. Things like depression can make it hard for forming realtionships. I suffer from ADD and one of the effects is that have trouble at times expression myself clearly when I talk and staying on subject. I also suffer from depression and am been treated for it currently. It was brought on by my ADD. (1in 3 AD/HD suffers also suffer from depression or anixety problems.) It hard to find last realtionships, but don't give up. I met people by going groups that share my intrest and ever once and I while I meet some one that share my intrest. It not going to be a flock of people, but sometime one good friend is all you need. Also keeping seeing some type of doctor. Exspecial one that focused on bi-polar discorders. I also suggest talk thearpy I really help me out alot and I think a support groups would help as well. Being around people that know your struggle will help you feel more in conrtol of your illness and make you see that you not alone. Also feel free to e-mail at [e-mail] I always willing to talk about the struggle of dealing with a mental illness or anything else you wnat to chat about.

Answer 6

I got a divorce, long ago - just after taking the tri-cylic anti-depressant, Surmontil. I think I read that it could cause personality changes UPON stopping -taking it. I think that's sort of what happened in my situation. I WASN't sleeping enough.
Best wishes to you; hope you get good answers here. (also - i've been diagnosed with Bi-polar - but then some Doc's told me MINE DISORDER WAS JUST DEPRESSION -------both ailments are bad indeed and bad on relationships i think. But it seems that all types of persons have bad relationships ?

Answer 7

Wow...it's like I just read part of my life story!

There is hope though, it just takes a long time and A LOT of struggling....and I MEAN A LOT. i'm still working on it...it's a never ending battle really...but the best thing in the world is to know that there are other people like us out there like us.

I attach myself to people SOOO deeply, and it hurts so bad when i find out they just don't feel the same, or it just ends. I do EVERYTHING to try to get that person to just hint to me that they might feel as deeply about me as i do to them....

....but sometimes you really just have to tell yourself to take it slow...with all relationships...male and female...and give yourself some space from them...even though we both know how great it is to attach ourselves to our new friends...try to keep yourself on the surface for a little while...but still care about them!

I hope that helps!

Answer 8

I have major depression too, i know how you feel. i was just diagnosed not too long ago. living with this condition is horrible ! i also, get really attatched to people (anybody who crosses my path) because frankly, i am so lonely. depression will have a big affect on your relationships. sadly, not very many people understand depression. depression is often referred to as the "silent disease" because it can go completely unnoticed. but many people just think you can "snap-out of it" when in reality, there is no way....so it does have a profound affect on relationships and, everything else...

Answer 9

You're doing it because you are depressed and depression affects your thinking. I know being lonely sucks but maybe you could focus on getting better or at least more functional before starting a new relationship. Your chances for success will be much higher.

Answer 10

No- you're not bad- and it's not even your fault. (I had/sometimes have depression... I think I'm bipolar) U R not alone- I lost my ex because I got all negative about myself- it freaked him out :( But I can't help it! I don't know why either! But what I found that was helpful was finding someone who had gone through what U r going through right now- so you both can understand each other, and help each other. That helped for me.