Should parents have any say in who you date, love, take interest in or find attractive? should parents be able to tell you that they think your partner is unattractive to their tastes and that you should find someone thats more attractive to them or that they think your partner is not tall enouge/ bulky enouge etc. so just dump them.
Or is it wrong for parents to get into your business, want you to tell them about your dates/ personality of the person your dating.
Should parents just butt out all together and understand that it's your life, you date whoever you want because your not exactly dating for THEM, your dating for YOU.
should they have any control over who you date?
2006-09-24 17:23:15 · 20 answers · asked by Red Crayon Aristocrat 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
to the first person who answerd, no Im not a kid, im a grown a.s.s woman, mother f.u.ck.er!
Think before you say s.h.i.t.
2006-09-24 17:26:17 · update #1
I'm talking about little things like: that persons too short, they're too old, this persons hair is too long, they're too skinny, we dont like his eye color, we hate that ethnicity, they don't buy you enough sh.it, we don't like their car...
not parental advice at all... is it....
2006-09-24 17:33:33 · update #2
before anyone says anything else, I'm NOT a minor, I am NOT dependant of my parents AT ALL!
2006-09-24 17:37:19 · update #3
okay, "Daniel R"
what did I just say, im not a minor, nor am I in my teenage years. I show respect to my parents yet they show much disrespect to me and my beliefs. how old are YOU by the way? and could you mind reading my entire post...
2006-09-24 17:46:34 · update #4
I've noticed that the people that give a stupid answer due to thier lack of reading and paying attention, never have that link on thier profile that says "email this person"
2006-09-24 17:50:07 · update #5
As a parent we want what we believe is the best for you our child(ren). And because we want you to have the best we sometimes go too far and try to completely control your dating habits. That is too extreme. I believe a parent has to right to tell a child they are too young to date if the child is under 15 or 16 yrs old.
Those of you whom say we should completely keep our mouths shut and keep out of our business and let you make your own mistakes have a point. True how else are you going to learn from your own mistakes? But this view is a little too extreme also.
There needs to be a good middle ground especially when you ask us to help you get out of relationships that have gone bad. Also try to keep an open mind about what we are telling you. There may be valid reasons for negative comments about whom you are dating. We are trying to give you the benefit of learning from OUR past mistakes.
Remember there will be consequences to ignoring our advise. Sometimes the consequences can be devastating to you and your family.
You ask how I know the consequences can be devastating? My daughter is missing and it is believed it is due to the last guy she was dating/living with.
So whichever point of view you take PLEASE remember to be careful whom you date/ have a relationship with. Especially if the person tries to make you do things you know are wrong. Don't be so blinded by love or lust that your common sense and the advise of parents/friends is ignored and that you can't see what is really gong on around you and person you are dating.
Xingba, when I personally started my response it was before you added comments. I fell asleep in front of the computer. How's that for an old foggy? lol. When I woke up i picked up on my answer from where I left off and did not know you had added comments. I went out of the question and back in and found your comments. You are right about the kind of comments they are making. My suggestion would be to find a nice way to tell them to shut up and let you make your own decissions. On behalf of meddling parents everywhere I apoligize to you.
On my personal behalf the advise I was giving my grown daughter who is missing was to get rid of the guy because he was drinking/drugging up all of his paycheck on Friday night every Friday night. He was always trying to get her to do illegal/questionable activites. We even let them live with us when he got them kicked out of his apartment. So in other words you and her where in different situations.
I hope you can find a successful solution to your problem with your parents. It sounds like their opinions of these guys are a bit shallow. I still say try to find a polite way to tell them to butt out of your personal life. It is your life to live the way you want.
Good luck with them. Remember the important thing is for you to happy with whomever you decide on.
PJ_gal
2006-09-24 20:08:15 · answer #1 · answered by pj_gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This does depend somewhat on the age of the person who is dating.
Parents will always be concerned about their children even well after they are adults. I wouldn't want it any other way, however I know how difficult it is to deal with an overbearing mother.
If you are indeed old enough to make your own decisions then just politely explain to your parents that you appreciate their concerns and you are willing to listen to them but the final decisions of your life still belong to you. (this is true regardless of the issue)
I am also a mother of boys from a wide age range and if my boys had come to me even at 16 and said this I would respect them for it.
Please try to keep in mind that your parents come across as controlling because they care about your well being. They may just not know how to express this in a way that doesn't make you feel violated. If they don't like the person you are dating then maybe you should listen to them. Parents haven't been around as long as they have without learning a few things. We are not perfect but we have already been there and done that and just don't want to see our children suffer from the same mistakes we made. Listen and learn from them.
2006-09-24 17:30:58 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put the shoe on the other foot. What if it was your child that you only wanted the best for. If you saw your child making a bad decision in life or was headed in a direction that you didn't like.What would you do? Trust me your parents have lived longer and been through more than you can imagine. They work hard for what they have and try to make your life easy because they love you. If you don't respect that then you will probably end up pregnant at a young age and then say 10 years from now why did I date that jerk. So if you want to be in control of your life wait till you pay your own way in life. Then you can make all the bad decisions you want. But don't be nasty to your parents because you show lack of respect. I'm sure they want the best for you and don't want some horny teenage boy telling there daughter a bunch of BS to have his way with you. I feel that you should listen to your parents and stop hurting them with your strong will, that is really fueld by foolish teenage emotions. Now tell your parents you love them..
2006-09-24 17:37:17 · answer #3 · answered by Daniel R 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, i don't think tht parents have a control of whom u date, or even like but they do have the right to give their opinion hence be apart of your relationship.
U gotta see the bigger picture..if whoever u chose is going to be ur lifetime partner, wouldn't it be nice to let ur parents into ur happiness as well? They've done so much...n if u feel tht ur decision is right ( in whoever ur dating) then show it to them by bringing tht person closer to ur parents n let them see how good he really is for you instead of opposing them openly and defy them in every manner possible.
As a grown woman i believe tht u n ur parents can have a mature relationship where their opinions may or may not be considered but are equally valued. In the end..u make the choice definitely whom u date or marry. Most of the time, parents are just sharing their own experience to save u the trouble of going thru it urself. Don't be too hard on them ya.
all the best!
2006-09-24 17:59:30 · answer #4 · answered by maria 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are under the age of 18, then yes they should and do have a say in who date. There is a good reason why they do butt in your business besides being intrusive. It is for your saftety. There are a lot of creeps in this big bad world. They also know what it was like being your age dating. Mom and dad know best. When you become a parent, you will do the same thing to your kids.
Now if you are over the age of 18, they have no say in who you see. It now up to your good taste to determine who you date and see.
2006-09-24 17:29:21 · answer #5 · answered by davester1970 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you're over 18, then no, they have no right to say anything unless it has to do with abuse or anything physically or mentally harmful. If you're under 18, then yes, they do have a say in some things. They are the parents, protecting their child, but they should only be protecting from harmful things, not because their kid's boyfriend/girlfriend is too fat or skinny or whatever.
2006-09-24 17:32:03 · answer #6 · answered by sweet_lil_cowgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I beleive that parents should monitor the habits of who you date and what type of lifestyle he or she has to not conflict in your morals or in life in general. A parent should never tell you to dump your boyfriend or girlfriend, because THEY are not dating them. and a parent should never say that the person you are going out with is completely unattractive and you should find someone more atttractive, that is not how a relationship should be based. But if a parent believes that he/she has potential in harming you i.e. emotionally or physically, they should advise you and tell you to find someone "better"
Parents should be nothhing more than monitors in relationships, at least until 18 anyway. their job is to protect you for your own best interest, NOT TO LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOU
2006-09-24 17:32:33 · answer #7 · answered by Panda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you sound around 16 and yes they should guide you away
from guys that wear obnoxious t -shirts and smoke and use
profanity that show no respect and have not been brought up properly . when you turn 18 then you can mess up your life but don't run back to them with a child to raise because you were to stubborn to listen .
I guess this means I don't get 10 points :)
2006-09-24 17:40:28 · answer #8 · answered by Elaine814 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You answered your own question: you are dating for you, not for your parents. You are the one who should make the decisions because you are the one in the relationship.
However...you should let your parents give you input. Sometimes they see things you don't, but also, it can be really difficult dating someone they don't approve of!
2006-09-24 17:27:17 · answer #9 · answered by ladyladance 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They should not 'control', they should have a suitable relationship with kids so that kids listen to valid advice, not shouting, insults, and crap like that.
Kids, likewise, should recognise that parent really are just trying to look out for them, and help them avoid costly mistakes.
2006-09-24 17:25:34 · answer #10 · answered by Jeremy D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋