about 6 months ago i started dating this guy. we considered ourselfs to be bf and gf. but after 3 months he sayes he doesnt want a gf right now, but he wants to stay friends. but nothing has changed in our relationship, we still hang out, we still talk to eachother every day, we see eachother no more/less then when we were "dating", and the sex hasnt slowed down any. i still consider us as a couple but he doesnt. and i dont get it. im 26 and havent dated for about 7 yrs. (i was married and devorced by 19 and wasnt looking for anything. so i feel out of the loop on dating.) hes 31 and was the one to pursue the relationship. i have met his family but he dosnt have any desire for me to meet his friends and wont take me to his bars or hangouts. im not sure what to think of the relationship. ive been sceptical of the relationship from the beginning. and im 95% sure that hes not "cheating". i have yet to find any evidence to suggest that. why not just say were dating? is he hiding something?
2006-09-24 17:18:30 · 10 answers · asked by dsasie1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he started out saying he didnt want a relationship, I wouldnt question his intentions. The fact he waited for 3 months to tell you he didnt want a relationship says he doesnt want a relationship with you. He may or may not be sleeping with someone else....but it wouldnt be cheating because he clearly said he doesnt want to be in a relationship with you. He is saying he wants to see you when he wants to see you. Have sex with you when he wants too. And when he wants to be with his friends he doesnt want you around. Probably because he doesnt want anyone to think hes in a relationship. If they did someone like one of his friends girlfriends might say something to a new girl he wants to pursuit. And that wouldnt be a good thing. If he was into you he would invite you into every aspect of his life. It doesnt matter if you met his family. They arent going to blow it for him if he meets someone new and brings her around. But his showing up at his favorite bars or hangouts with you will blow it for him. He is merely passing the time with you until he meets someone he wants to be in a relationship with. He probably felt differently the first three months but since changed his mind. Maybe he feels badly about telling you he wants out. So he chose the alternate"I hope shell eventually meet someone and go away with too much of a scene if I slowly slip away" We both know thats not going to happen. It will end in a huge drama. Because he will meet someone else and when he tries to slowly back out you will pursuit even harder. Until the final showdown where theres no more hiding it. You will be broken hearted and feel used. He will go on with his new girl because she will surely hang on when she sees theres competition. If Im wrong get back to me in 3 months and Ill send you $50. I think you know you spend time with him on his terms. At his convenience. And its probably almost always behind the four walls of your house. He comes over around 9 or 10 blah blah blah. Grab your self respect and dignity and split. If theres any chance at all he would ever want a relationship with you it will be if you think enough of yourself to say"I deserve to be in every area of your life, period" Until you want that dont bother. And be strong girl. He might surprise you. Be weak and he wont. You will end up broken hearted.
2006-09-24 17:44:04 · answer #1 · answered by aperfectpeach 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're man is definitely afraid of commitment an wanted to slow the relationship down before it became serious. He obviously wants to keep his options open in case something else comes along, he may already be seeing other people, he can then turn around an say its not cheating or he's not breaking up with you as you're not dating. He thinks he's made this clear to you and you've accepted this. He doesn't care that he's giving mixed signals. BTW dump his ***!
2006-09-24 17:28:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many people in answer land will jump to the conclusion they always jump to and say he is using you. This may be true, however what if it is not.
The big question is what do you want to do about it. Are you willing to continue to have a sexual relationship and give yourself totally to a guy that is not willing to even acknowledge a relationship between the two of you?
You can't control what he feels or does but you can control your own actions and if you continue to allow this to continue then you are setting yourself up for what could be a big heart ache.
2006-09-24 17:23:53 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, I don't think you should keep sleeping with him.......
to me That would be out of the question i haven't dated for a while , I am married. but I am only 24 though and when i was dating if a guy that I was seeing said he didn't want to date any more but he still kept trying to sleep with me well not to be mean but that sounds like a booty call specially since he wont take you
any were he hangs out. if I were you I WOULD stop sleeping with him and kind of distance you self from him and see if he comes to his since and if not well his loss. You can do better.
2006-09-24 17:31:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry,
How to put it delicately..... You are a "cuddle buddy", all the benifits of the gf without the ties. Since you are now asking the question, you probably know the answer, you need to cut and run. If he pursues then clearly state what you want and don't budge till you get it. Stop the cuddle aspect immediately and see what happens.
2006-09-24 17:27:55 · answer #5 · answered by TrtnTrr 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he isn't involving you in the most personal parts of his life, such as his friends that he hangs out with... then you are not very important to him. His parents aren't really the main thing, it seems. He doesn't want a girlfriend, yet you are acting like one. He is taking advantage of you, bigtime. No way would I sleep with a guy who didn't even want me for a girlfriend, much less a wife. Hello?
2006-09-24 17:24:15 · answer #6 · answered by mia2kl2002 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's taking advantage of you in a big way! He doesn't want the committment of a bf/gf relationship -- just "friends with benefits". Of course, if you can accept the relationship on his terms, you're two consenting adults, and can do whatever you want. Just don't lose sight of the fact that he doesn't want the same things you do.
2006-09-24 17:25:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would say his agenda appears to be pretty clear: do whatever he used to do and still have a gf. I am not suggesting any misdeeds, but he wants the perks w/out the commitment. Just make him chase you a little.
2006-09-24 17:23:24 · answer #8 · answered by randyken 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's using you for sex. He's keeping you around, but when he finds someone whom he might feel something with, then he'll leave you.
2006-09-24 17:35:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah a bunch of other girls trust me family will cover for us men and duh the bar where he picks up other girls at and the hangouts and u should ask his fam where he hangs out at and pop up and c what u find.
2006-09-24 17:25:17 · answer #10 · answered by q45dip 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋