ok, I've been dating this guy for four and a half months, and I love him to death...his mom already told her husband I'm going to be their daughter-in-law, she knows this is no puppy love. But the thing is, we have never said "I love you"....and before we started to date, before we knew we liked one another, I told him I thought you shouldn't say I love you early on in a relationship...and I know his first girl friend pressured him into saying "I love you"....but it's getting to the point where it literally hurts not to say those words to him...so I guess my real question is...do I say I love you? or do I let him say it first? is he thinking-"I don't want to pressure her"...is one thought....I'm just so torn, I don't want to scare him but what if he's wondering why i haven't said it yet....it seems like a catch 22, I just need some help here!!!
2006-09-24 17:08:49 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You could tell him that it hurts you to keep it inside of you and that you arent pressuring him into it you just wanted to express how you felt about him
2006-09-24 18:15:00 · answer #1 · answered by heyall 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never ever tell a man you love him first. No matter what anyone tells you. Men are hunters. Women are gatherers. If you give yourself to him without a challenge, thats how the relationship will always be. And by saying those words I love you, he knows he has you. Let him tell you whenhe feels that way. He will. If he ever does. Unless he feels like he has too. If he told you his x forced him into saying it, hes letting you know not to do that to him. Typically people tell thier new partners what they liked and disliked about an x so they dont have to blatantly say things like "whatever you do dont pressure me into saying I love you, Ill let you know when I feel that way if I ever do" And whatever you do, donot buddy up to his Mom or anyone else close to him in an effort to try and win him over or show him how wonderful you are via his Mom. It will only make him resent you. Would you like it if he was developing a relationship with your family or friends outside of the one you have with him? I would hope you could see it was merely an attempt to wedge your way into his life. Whether he wants you there or not. So take his Mothers telling her husband that you are her future daughter in law as a compliment and back off. Dont spend time without him around his Mom until you are in fact her daughter in law to be or very close to it. Even if she invites you. Graciously decline. Trust me. He will see you as a manipulative girl trying to kiss up to his mother. And she should know better at her age. Boundaries. Respect them. I am saying this from first hand experience. In the end it turned out his mom and I werent the gereatest of friends. She liked his new girl just as much as she absolutely loved me. That stung!
2006-09-25 00:26:56 · answer #2 · answered by aperfectpeach 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 4 1/2 months is long enough to not have to worry about scaring him away. If the two of you have already gone though the early stages of "will he call me" and you really feel comfortable with each other then I say go ahead. If you really feel that you love him and it's bothering you that much, it is fine to tell him then. If you mentioned to him before the two of you started dating, about your opinion in regards to saying "I love you" early in the relationship, sure he may have remembered you saying that. He is probably waiting for you to take the lead.
2006-09-25 00:33:18 · answer #3 · answered by having fun yet? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him you love him cause that's the way you feel. Just say whats inside your heart. Why should he think your pressuring him when you're just being honest with what you feel. You will feel a lot better.....better than having the regret that you didn't even said i love you to the one you really love.
2006-09-25 00:27:13 · answer #4 · answered by Meeya 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you love him then tell him. You shouldn't worry about who should say if first. if that is how you really and truthfully feel and if it is love and not a strong like and you would do anything for him him like be there when they isn't anything left being broke or having to be the provider because he can't or being there will no one else will then TELL HIM
2006-09-25 00:16:48 · answer #5 · answered by trice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him. If he truly loves you he won't care that you told him. Some people just have a hard time saying those three little words.
2006-09-25 01:02:45 · answer #6 · answered by Merlin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im having the same issue. i have been dating my bf for 6 months (ok we only dated three and the last three he doesnt want to call dating but its the same to me) any way i think his mom, who likes me, thinks that were still "dating" and i dont know how to act around her. and when i ask him if she still thinks that, hes unclear. i tried the "i love you" thing too. and he sayes he doesnt know what love is and dosent know if hes in love. so im just letting it go for now. im dealing with a guy who doesnt like to share his feeling or get into the mushy stuff. so i get around my disire to say "i love you" by saying something like "i miss you" instead. i dont know if i have an answer for you. i just want to lend moral support. and say i know what you going threw.
2006-09-25 00:39:20 · answer #7 · answered by dsasie1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he has a hard time expressing himself, but that should have no bareing if you want to say it. Does he SHOW he loves you? actions speak louder than words.
2006-09-25 00:11:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bake him a cake & write I LOVE YOU in icing. He'll get the hint that it's ok to say it now.: )
2006-09-25 00:14:08 · answer #9 · answered by tigerlily27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I couln't agree more with aperfectpeach. She is so right! Please, never, ever say "I love you first" to a guy. Kudos to aperfectpeach, very well put. I couldn't have said it better. Good luck.
2006-09-25 00:41:09 · answer #10 · answered by justbecauseicare 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋