Ok folks, how about some jokes?

Question

Some original, good quality jokes, and if at least one of them wasn't about sex, blondes, or religion, well, that would be just swell! Whoever makes me laugh the hardest will get the best answer!

Answer 1

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

"What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked.

"That is the talking clock," the man replied.

"How's it work?" the friend asked.

"Watch," the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It's two AM!"

Answer 2

A young lady, after just receiving her teaching credentials opted to teach in a ghetto school,hoping to make a difference in their little lives. one morning she arrived in class with a book for each student about life on the farm,thinking none of them had ever had the opportunity to go to one. she explained that the following day there would be a quiz on the book and whomever gave the right answer would receive a candy bar. the next day the quiz began, " Mollie,what does the cow say?" "the cow says moo" very good says the teacher and hands her a candy bar. "Helen,what does the duck say?" "the duck says quack,quack" very good she says and hands Helen a candy bar. "Tyrone,what does the pig say?" the pig say,"up against the wall and spread em mother *#@$*#

Answer 3

One windy day three men walk into an ice cream shop parlor on top of a very large hill. They all order large milkshakes even though it was terribly windy outside.
While sucking down their milk shakes,they see a man suddenly SWOOSH up onto the hill and he walkes in. He says
"Sir I think I'll have another shake"
So the parlor man gives 'em another.
THen the 3 men ask him,how did you come up here like that?
'the man replies,IT'S EASY i flew up with the wind!"
"How did you do that?"
"I caught the wind in my jacket!"
So all three go try and one by one they fall to their death.
As the man walks back in,the parlor man says, "Oh great,,,Super man has had to much sugar again!"

Answer 4

i presumed Raleigh replaced into bigger than that. i do no longer know your life concern or age, yet i know that it rather is straight forward to get caught everywhere with the "comparable old team". you're arranged to locate a clean team by using commencing in on some new activities like music (refrain or barbershop?) or kayaking, martial arts, bike using, grasp-gliding whats up guy regardless of blows your skirt up. If that doesn't do plenty for you, you may head for gayer pastures... dissimilar cities in Florida have long declared they are gay-friendly, Houston (I pay attention) has a extensive gay scene (additionally, it is usa's 4th best city....power in numbers) Atlanta has a minimum of one limp-wrist. the three best cities in the USA of a have great gay communities i know this for a actuality. besides, happy holiday journeys and suitable needs to you. no longer each occasion is an remarkable occasion. enable it slide.

Answer 5

A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it.

She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says, "Well that's great. Some a$$hole's got my pen."

Answer 6

A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long.
The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good.
The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible.
She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.
Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood a man. The man said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"
The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

Answer 7

two men were playing golf. Around the 15th hole they caught up to the two female players in front of them. One man looks down the fairway and says. "Could you go ask these ladies if we could play through? I'm embarrassed to say one of them is my wife and the other is my mistress. The second guy walked about 20 yards and came back. "Small world." he said.

Answer 8

What do a walrus and Tupperware have in common?

They're both looking for a tight seal!!

Answer 9

Okay a computer joke=]
What do you call a computer super hero?
A Screen Saver!

Answer 10

I hope these sites give you hours of fun in reading some of the funniest jokes around.

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml

http://www.ahajokes.com/

http://www.ahajokes.com/kids_jokes.html

http://xtraedition.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1885192.cms

http://www.byrum.org/the.web.walker/tasteless/index.html

http://www.thefunnypages.com/

http://www.johndclare.net/Russ12_Jokes.htm

http://www.landbigfish.com/jokes/default.cfm