Do you as a Christian, feel you are obligated to bail out a wayward relative, when they created own problems?

Question

My ne'r do well aunt has had her car reposessed. This is one in a lifelong pattern of financial irresponsibility. She can however provide her spoiled out of wedlock daughter with the absolute most expensive clothes, lessons, parties, etc. She has money for what she wants to do with it, but cant pay her rent. Now she wants everyone in the family to bail her out. She is playing on the fact that she knows some of us are Christians and therefore it is our duty to come to her aid. She is a horrible parent, self centered like you read about, goes from job to job, food stamps the whole bit, but spends all her money on what SHE wants and not on her responsibilities. I DON"T want to help her. Do I have to... biblically?

Answer 1

I could provide you with a passage or two that at first glance would make it look like the answer to your question is "yes, you should help her out financially."

"Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. "If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to get back the same amount. But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Luke 6:30-35

1 Timothy 5:8 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

But the thing is that those verses apply to certain circumstances that may or may not be applicable in the situation that you describe. Jesus doesn't tell us to loan money to people who squander their own resources and then seek to make a claim on the resources that He has provided for us to do his will here on earth by laying a guilt trip on us. While we are called to be good witnesses for Christ here on earth we have to pray about things like this and see if we are being burdened by the Lord to be the source of provision a person is seeking or if we are being burdened by false guilt that a relative is seeking to impose upon us.

I was sending money to my mother and sister for a while because my mother had helped me out when I was unemployed and I felt that I owed it to her. But after a while I felt like I had paid back what I owed and I told them that I was going to stop sending them money. My sister and her husband with whom my mother is living were none too happy about that. But just like the situation that you describe, they had plenty of money for non-essentials and I felt that it was up to them to make better decisions about their finances rather than for me to subsidize their luxuries.

The passage from 1 Timothy is talking about widows or other relatives who don't have any means other means of support and it's talking about providing for their basic needs because they have no way of making provision on their own. Paul goes on to write these clarifications.

"Let a widow be enrolled if she is not less than sixty years of age, having been the wife of one husband, and having a reputation for good works: if she has brought up children, has shown hospitality, has washed the feet of the saints, has cared for the afflicted, and has devoted herself to every good work. But refuse to enroll younger widows, for when their passions draw them away from Christ, they desire to marry and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith. Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. 1 Timothy 5:9-13

From your description of your aunt it doesn't seem like she meets up with these Biblical standards. You can tell her that you will pray for her or offer to help her to learn how to become a better steward of the resources that she has access to without coming to her like a Christian Santa Claus and enabling her to continue to live beyond her means by looking at her relatives as an additional source of income to be tapped into whenever she has a need.

But like I already said, you should pray about it and you should also examine your own heart to make sure that the reason you don't want to help her with money comes from pure motives and not from a harsh judgmental attitude or selfish desires. It's wise to note someone else's financial irresponsibility but you have to let the Lord direct you and not treat the person in an unloving fashion. You should be willing to help in some fashion, even if it's only in the ways I gave examples of and not financially.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Tough love means saying no to constant irresponsible behaviour and making the person realize that they have to grow up and make changes in their lives. If they are bailed out all the time then you are teaching them a behaviour.

Answer 4

No. If you keep bailing her out, you're just enabling her. Just make sure the little girl has her basic needs met. Even if she is spoiled, she's not responsible for her mothers bad choices and decisions.

Answer 5

Well. that's a hard one. because you can apply that .. who are you to judge. Who put you on a pedestal to be able to judge. Yet how will she learn if everyone bails her out.. Then you would be doing what she does to her daughter..As a parent. I would let her be right where she is. Which gives her time to reflex on her choices.

Answer 6

No, she is a woman that made it this far. She is making her own decisions and that is what God said he put us here on Earth to do. We make mistakes because we are not perfect like him. We are stiving to be perfect. He wants us to learn from our mistakes. If you bail her out she will make mistakes again and again and there is nothing you can do about it or to help her. Don't feel obligated or guilty about your decision.

Answer 7

no you needn't bail her out, but you could all get together and sit her down and get her finances straight. see, you do have to help her, it's part of our love and charity as Christians - it's what we are drwan to do -- however.... helping someone out doesn't always mean DOING it can mean helping them figure out and learn for themselves. you know how sometimes we ask for what we think we want and God gives us what we need.... maybe your aunt wants ya'll to fix her problems, but maybe God is saying - ya'll are gonna show her how to fix her own problems.
God helps those who help themselves.

Good Luck and God blessings on you all!

Answer 8

Oh my no...if you guys really love this woman in Christ Jesus, then step out of His way and let Him have a crack at her. He will teach her exactly what she needs to know, and how she needs to learn it.

Pray for her and turn her lose.

Answer 9

yes you nee to witness to them, to help try and convert them or bring them back to the Lord and the Church.

You are obligated to offer to help get them finciainal counseling to learn to manage thier money

You are obligated to help offer to set them up with a budget.

You need to help them learn, but they also have a responsibility to manage what God has given them.

Answer 10

no. jesus said: "only help people who deserve it and who you think are responsible citizens" o_O

jesus invented "tough love" ....he would have told your ne'r do well aunt "tough love, baby .. i aint helpin"

(btw...the "prodigal son" story should be ignored....it was added to the bible accidentally)
.

Answer 11

no...no...
heck no!
people dig themselves into a hole.
they gotta climb out of it themselves.
u aint obligated in anyway to help. espeicaly if u was in no way connected to the problem.