anyone heard of any good jokes recently??

Question

has to be hilarious! :)

Answer 1

I hope these sites give you hours of fun in reading some of the funniest jokes around.

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index.jhtml

http://www.ahajokes.com/

http://www.ahajokes.com/kids_jokes.html

http://xtraedition.indiatimes.com/articleshow/1885192.cms

http://www.byrum.org/the.web.walker/tasteless/index.html

http://www.thefunnypages.com/

http://www.johndclare.net/Russ12_Jokes.htm

http://www.landbigfish.com/jokes/default.cfm

Answer 2

An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City office building.

A young and beautiful woman, smelling like expensive perfume, gets into the elevator. She turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"

A couple of floors later, another young and beautiful woman, smelling like expensive perfume, gets into the elevator. She turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"

Three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination. As she exits the elevator, she peers at both women, bends over and farts, then bellows, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound!"

Answer 3

a very religious woman's birthday is coming up, and her 3 sons all agree to get her each a birthday presant that she can treasure for the rest of her days.
so the first son desides to get her a mansion. so he hires the best construction workers the town has to offer, and they set off to work, and finish a house within a week for the old mother.
the second son agrees to get a rather expensive, fast car, with a driver, to take her anywhere she pleases, after all, she's nearly blind and couldn't travel anywhere on her own.
the third son hears of a bird, trained for 11 years by 305 monks, to recite the entire bible to her, which ever section of it she wants to hear. so he sets off to the country it comes from, and buys it off the monks.
the 3 sons gather together to read the letter their mother sent them, telling how she enjoyed her gifts.
Dear songs,
to my first son: the house that i live in is just fine. i don't know why you would build such a big house for such a little old lady. it's hard to keep clean, and it's very lonely living alone there.
to my second son: i like the idea of traveling where ever i please with such a fast car, but it's too fast. i don't like the traction, and the driver is very rude
to my third son: you know just what to get to make an old woman to make her happy. the chicken was simply delicious!




and another one.



3 guys travel together in a bus, all going to the same destination, but it's a very long travel, and so they each brought something to pass the time.
the first guy asks the second what he brought. the second guy says he's brought a sketch pad and pencil, to draw what ever scenery he finds interesting.
the second guy then asks the first what he brought. he says he brought a book, a very long book, that will keep him intertained for hours.
both guys then look at the third guy and ask him what he brought. he sits there clutching a tampon box, saying that the box tells him he can go hiking, skating, swimming, walking...

Answer 4

Yah I heard one,

This lady is sitting with her husband and all of a sudden she goes into labor.

So her husband drives her to the hospital

The doctor comes in the room and says we got this new machine, that will transfer some of the wifes pain to the father

They talk it over and they agree to try it

So the doctor hooks the guy up and sets the machine at 5% pain transfer

The guy after a few minutes says hey doc, this feels fine , so the doc turns the meter up to 10%

A few minutes later the guy goes, Hey doc, come on crank it up!!

So the doc turns it up to 25%

The man goes I feel fine lets do 50%

The doctor turns it up to 50%

This machine is obviously helping the wife tremdously, so they decide to put it at 100%

The wife delivers a healthy baby with virtually no pain

When they get home the mailman is dead on the porch!!

Answer 5

Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and you shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to you to bring a smile on your face.
http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index...
http://www.ahajokes.com/
http://www.the-jokes.com/
http://www.lotsofjokes.com/
http://www.jokesgallery.com/
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke.htm......
http://www.jokes2000.com/
http://yahooligans.yahoo.com/content/jok...
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/...
http://www.kidsjokes.co.uk/
http://www.ahajokes.com/yo_mama_jokes.ht...
http://www.allfunnypages.com/funny-jokes...
http://www.africanjokes.com/africanjokes...
http://www.blonde-jokes.info/
http://www.zelo.com/blonde/index.asp......
http://www.indiabook.com/jokes/entertain...

Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps you in making you laugh. Enjoy and have fun..

Answer 6

Wal Mart has everything!!!! =
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a
doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the
computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do
about it.

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.

He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a
stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
3. Your
daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!

Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart

Answer 7

This is the best joke I've read recently...

The chicken leaned back against the headboard and lit a cigarette.
The egg - looking rather disgusted - rolled over and said, "Well, I guess we've answered THAT question."

Answer 8

this man and his wife and their 9 kids, were sitting at a bus stop.
They were joined by a blind man.
When the bus arrived it was overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids were able to board the bus
So the husband and the blind man decided to walk
After awhile the husband was getting annoyed by the tapping of the man's walking stick against the pavement..and he said "For Gods sake, that tapping sound is driving me crazy!!! why didn't you put a piece of rubber on the end of your stick???
The blind man says "Shut up!! if you had put a piece of rubber on your stick we would be riding the bus"

Answer 9

I haven't heard any jokes recently ( I have lost my hearing aid), but I have read some good ones! Is that ok?

Answer 10

I haven't heard any good jokes recently.