My husband left me, we now each have our own address. all over the course of 3 weeks. I miss him, i never wanted our marriage to end, only the controlling issues i dealt with every day, and in the end, not being able to do anything to please him...its such a long story. But he left me with me loving him, knowing i will till the day i die. Why does everyone say-leave him alone, dont let him know you care, dont let him know he can still have you, only let him see you smile. Why, when all i want to do is tell him i love him and i miss him, and i wish he would find the love again in his heart that i know is there. Is this supposed to accomplish something by acting this way with him?
2006-09-24 13:30:33 · 14 answers · asked by Elly 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ok. after a long talk...he tells me quickly last night that he loves me, but he just cant live with me, that he is too demanding and the things he demands, he can do himself.
He doesnt want to live together, however he speaks of being in no hurry to file for a divorce. Is it possible he remembers the love, and that tho we may not be able to ever live together, there is a chance we can develop that friendship that we seem to have lost?
2006-09-25 12:47:44 · update #1
He made the move, he left you. You say you will love him till the day you die....You won"t. I think why people say to stay away if to give him the space to miss you. If you are constantly on his case, telling him you love him and want him, then if he doesnt feel the same, then all you are doing is hurting yourself and putting extra stress on him. If he loves you, he will come to that conclusion without you having to tell him all the time.
I loved my ex when I left him, I couldnt live with him anymore because of the lifestyle he was living (long story). It is very hard to leave someone you love, but we all have a survival instinct and most of us have some pride....we all expect certain things, and if that doesnt happen then we have to love ourselves enough to walk away.
I loved him for 5 years after we split and it took every effort under the sun not to contact him....I wanted desperately for him to change, I wanted him to be the man I thought I married.
In time you will find love again....I felt like you...I felt I would always love my ex husband. I dont know what it is, but with time your feelings change. I have been divorced from him now for 12 years. My feelings for him are nothing...I dont love him, I dont hate him, I dont feel sorry for him. It happens believe me. Im not saying its easy, its as hard as hell, but if you value yourself enough then you will start to concentrate on yourself and getting on with your life. If your husband sees you succeeding, if he sees you not pining for him, maybe he will realise what he has lost. It happened with me. When I made a conscious choice to get on with my life...find outside interests, and not concentrated so much on my love for him...he came to me. He wanted to come back, he wanted me to forgive him and promised he would do anything to change.....He realised exactly what he had lost. Fortunately for me, enough time had elapsed and I got back a lot of self respect that I had lost during the marriage...I started to see myself as a person in my own right. I started to see that I was a worthwhile person who didnt value myself anymore by the man in my life. He lost out big time because I learnt a lot about myself. I no longer wanted him. So yes, it does happen, you wont love him for the rest of your life. You need to start doing things that make you happy.....get out, be a part of life again, try not thinking about him all the time. It works, but you have to believe in yourself. You can do it.
2006-09-24 14:38:13 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No doubt in my mind you still love him but it seems to me you wasn't happy, it is totally up to you if you want go back to him and be under his controlling thumb but my opinion no one deserves that. Believe it or not in time you can move on, and i'd put money on it that there is another man out there that will love you and give you the respect and love you deserve. I know this sounds corny but find positive things in your life to replace you missing him, take your mind off of him.
As the old saying goes if you love someone set them free, if they come back it was meant to be.
2006-09-24 13:38:19 · answer #2 · answered by Ali_Kay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Add me to the list of people telling you to leave this worthless piece of humanity. Why do girls love guys that treat them like sh*t??? if you don't want to hear the answer, then don't ask. is it a coincidence that most answers are telling you the same thing????
He does NOT love or respect you. Stop your pity partys and move on. You don't need his B/S
2006-09-24 13:40:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes it does accomplish something.. one.. it heightens ur confidence in yourself to be able to handle anything that comes ur way.. it also empowers u.. a man that is controling and manipulating, wants u to fall on ur face, wants u to pine over him, realize u cant live with out him.. because they love the POWER.. its one thing to tell him how u feel and let him know what u feel needs to be worked on before this can work out.. but after that.. leave it in his court to actually do something about it..
U didnt like the controling ways he had.. but dont u realize, he's still controling u?????? look at how ur feeling??? You feel lost, u feel scared, u feel alone, u want him to come back.. and he wants u to feel like this.. and im telling u right now, if u fall back into this scenerio.. he will feel more powerful.. and the controling will get worse not better.. the reason ur not chasing after him, is because he has issues that he needs to realize that he needs to change in order to GET U BACK.. to make him realize what he's losing.. if women got men to date them by crying their eyes out all the time.. then we'd be crying in our beer's at the club or every where we go around men, but thats not what gets men.. men usually find Confident , happy go lucky women, attractive.. they sense it in the way she carrys herself the way she dresses, and by her manerisims.. thats why everyone is saying to carry on as if your heart isnt breaking.. we know it is.. but thats not going to get the end result that u want from him..
2006-09-24 13:39:00 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you show him that you don't care anymore and that you are fed up and he still loves you then he will want you more knowing that you can live with out him it will make him miserable and if you keep it up he might just learn his lesson and stop being so controlling but you also could just be afraid of being on your own and free to make your own choices NO ONE should be controlled or pushed around and if you continue to put up with it you will never be happy
2006-09-24 13:38:32 · answer #5 · answered by freckleface 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is bad for you. Women who are abused rarely see their "love" as someone bad, but they are. You need to work on self esteem issues. Otherwise take him as he is and put up with the abuse and don't whine. If you think so little of yourself then you probably deserve him. He's out of your life now move forward. You can love him forever, but do it from afar where he can't hurt you.
2006-09-24 13:34:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is controlling you how can you be happy. Yea you still love him but give it time and if he wants you then if will but let him make the move and tell him what you expect if it works out.
2006-09-24 13:36:34 · answer #7 · answered by wow one 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mine left me, came back, left, returned, etc for TWO YEARS!!!!!!
I thought like you, but I was so wrong---I found a man to love, and who loved ME. And it was sooooo much better than the dysfunctional crap I had with my ex.
Get over him---he probably has some cheap hoe already!
Move forward, and embrace your freedom!
2006-09-24 14:12:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why, you can always go and tell him how you feel. It is nobody's fault that they are in love even when said love is possibly unreciprocated.
2006-09-24 13:50:22 · answer #9 · answered by Bummerang 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't want to be with you, he's not going to come back no matter what you tell him. Do you honestly think he doesn't know how you feel?
2006-09-24 13:38:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋