I need some good tips on disipline!!!!?

Question

I have a 5 year old, and he is way out of control. He says bad words calls me fat. Partly to blame his father. We have been seperated almost 2 years. Everytime his father sees him he comes home calling me bad names. I have tried whiping him, he only laughs at me. Doing time out I have to hold him down the whole time. And taking things from him does not work either. I would really like some advice. I want to be a good mother and want my kids to grow up with resect.

Answer 1

If you want to teach him respect, you have to show him respect. Try being gentle with him, yet be firm on what you expect of him. Teach him the right way to do things as much as possible, when he steps out of line, decide on consequences that don't necessarily involve hitting. Time out is a good consequence to stop unwanted behaviour. When he is calling you names you have to get down to his level and explain to him how that is just not nice, and not right - tell him how it hurts your feelings, explain to him what feelings are and tell him to talk to you this way (nicer). Children are smart and able to pick up on a lot as well as learn the right ways to behave. It takes time, to teach them the right way to do things, and you have to give him your time. Teach respect the buck stops with you. Every time you have to reinforce with him, try to do it gently, yet consistently and invest in his future. You don't want him to become inconsiderate to other people so you can only change your behaviour with him. As for his father, there has to at least one person who will teach him right from wrong, ideally it would be nice if it were both of you, but you might not be able to reach the dad. This puts that much more importance on your parenting. Teach him right from wrong, respect, and give him proper consequence (take away important things to him ---tv, or what not) teach him to say please and thank you, and teach him to be respectful by showing with example. Best of luck, it's not always easy but stay strong and focused.

Answer 2

Don't spank him or put him in time out! It will just teach him to fear you and make him feel even angrier. His world was pulled out from under his and he is trying to find some power. Try and use logical consequences whenever possible. Taking away a toy or privileges when your son misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if he throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If he makes a mess, he cleans it. If he breaks a toy, it goes in the trash. If she damages something in the home, he does things around the house to pay for the damages. Let the discipline fit the crime. A natural consequence for him saying bad words and calling you names is that you do not want to be near her. You can say “I am offended by those words. If you are going to speak to me like that I don’t want to be near you. We can be together when you’re ready to be speak to me nicely.”

Another technique you can try when he is misbehaving is this. As soon as he misbehaves, get down to his level and say "I don't like when you (explain what and why)." Take him gently by the hand and put him in a spot in your home (bedroom, the couch.) Say "When you're ready to (control yourself, stop hitting, listen, behave) then you can come back with me." This is not a time out because you are not giving a time limit (you controlling him). He returns when he's ready to control himself. You may have to take him back to the spot a few times before he gets the message. Thank him when he behaves. Keep it up!

Notice him when he is not misbehaving. Say things like "You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can climb! You can jump so high! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic rewards rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders and will help him to feel powerful in a positive way.

I know many parents don’t like this idea, but consider taking him to a play therapist to get to the root of his anger. Many parents feel it will stigmatize their child but it does not. The children see it as play and not therapy.

Set limits, follow through, and offer choices, not chances. You can say “Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?” "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. Pick you battles! Say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 3

It sounds like he is trying to push your buttons. Obviously he has. It almost sounds as if he's testing your love because of what is said about you at his dads. So I probably would consistently talk, don't raise your voice, and always find the good things he does and praise those and ignore the bad (for now). It's very difficult, I know. When he comes home from his dad, explain to him that name calling will not be tolerated in your house. But that if he'd like to talk to you about what's bothering him, that you will listen, even if you don't like what you're hearing. Sometimes when you don't let them get to you, they'll eventually stop what they're doing. For instance, my son told me he hated me as he was walking upstairs (he was mad at me) so I told him, that was okay and I would always love him. He was about 5 the first time and he said it again around 9 yrs old, he's now 19 and has never said it again since. because I didn't let it bother me. He was just a kid. another time, he said he was running away, I went in my handbag and gave him $5.00 and said good luck and that he was always welcome to come home. But that I was sorry he was so unhappy and that I hope he found what he was looking for. He was about 8 then and he never even made it out the door. He started crying, once again, cause he didn't get to me. He never said that again, either. (although, now I wish he would threaten that one!, ha ha) So, my point is, if you could stay calm and as hard as it is, don't show him that he bothered you. It will calm down. He truly wants to be able to love you and his dad, so he doesn't know who to believe, his mom or his dad. always reassure the love with the discipline. Believe me it's hard! Especially when they hurt your feelings after all you do for them. It's a thankless job, but someone has to do it. Always remember, don't talk bad about his dad, cause in the end, you'll be the good guy! Good Luck

Answer 4

Send him to live with his father. Obviously, he is an ****** too. Birds of a feather flock together. Ignore the behavior you do not want and positively reinforcing the good behavior does not always work. Some kids are little s$%#@. Let the sperm donor handle him. Women are stupid to put up with men who are ******* and their demon seed. I would tie the little bastard to a tree for the night and see how he behaves the next day. Yea, I know all of you are saying" What a cruel person" Wait 'til its your kid and see how logical this advice is.

Answer 5

Call DHS That is not right and illegal have his father get into trouble and show your son that. Maybe when he sees dad get into trouble he will realize the consequences of his actions.

Answer 6

Talk to his father and let him know what is going on. Tell him that you don't appreciate him bad mouthing you in front of your son

Answer 7

take him to a counselor and report father's behavior to dshs

Answer 8

Try counseling, take dad also