How do I get my 3 year old to behave in public?

Question

I have a 3 year old daughter. She is absolutely wonderful. She is in daycare and the staff comments that she is very well behaved and well mannered. She never gets in trouble while she is there. But then, at the grocery store or at a ballgame, she decides to throw these temper tantrums... yelling and screaming when she does not get her way. We have always had rules since she was little but it is really embarrassing when she does this- I don't know how to handle it. The last time it happened, we were at the doctor's office and she started playing and banging on the stirrups on the table. I calmly asked her to come and sit down but she started crying and yelling and stomping her feet. Then, she ran over to the door and opened it and proceeded to run screaming down the hallway. I had to excuse myself, asked the doctor to go to see another patient while I calmed her down. He didn't know what to tell me- all he said was "every child is different". (My other child is soft spoken)

I have tried rewarding her and also taking things away but to no avail...

Answer 1

My son used to do this. He discovered that he LOVED to ride the little superman car outside of WalMart, so I started having him ride it after my shopping was done. I told him if her was good during our shopping, he could ride, and if not, then he couldn't. I stood my ground and still do. It only took about 2 or 3 times of me leaving without him getting to ride to fix the problem, Now he knows that when I say be good or you can't ride, that I mean it. After the doctor, we always stop and get an ice cream or snow cone. But, if he isn't good, he doesn't get one, no matter how bad it makes me feel. He is pretty good in public now.
If all else fails....spank her butt.

Answer 2

First, check with day care and find out what the 'rules' and 'consequences' are. If you use the same tactics they are using, you know that your daughter understands those concepts, and it helps with consistency.

When you go out, she should have plenty of items to keep her busy. My kids pack a 'snack bag' (with their cups and a small snack, and a toy) on their own before we leave the house. This keeps them occupied in the car while we're running errands.

When we go to a doctor's appointment, they can take TWO 'quiet toys". They pick these out themselves as well.I also take some crayons in my purse, and they can use these to color on the exam table paper. My son likes to draw a 'road' for Matchbox cars to drive on.

I also try to have gum in my purse. Sometimes, we'll sort out all the change in my purse if the doctor's taking a long time.

Everyone has a 'job' when we go somewhere. At the grocery store, one child can help cross things off on the list, while another loads them into the cart. They are involved in the shopping by helping to pick out three apples. or to smell the melons to find a ripe one.

Anyone having a fit doesn't get any attention. You want to throw yourself all over the place, fine. But I'm not going to watch. If the tantrum continues you leave the store with the child, even if you have to carry them.

There ARE consequences for this kind of behaviour. It may be that they can't play at a friend's house the next time they ask, or it may be a 'Time Out'. And, they have to explain what happened to Daddy. He doesn't yell, he just asks them "What happened".

The kids feel really silly when they have to explain that their behaviour was so bad that they had to be taken out of the store. It has happened ONCE with each child, and that's it.

Now, we talk briefly about the expected behaviour BEFORE we go in, and we make it happen. "We're going into the bank now. This is a place where we need to stay quiet because people are working. Any questions? Everyone have their quiet toy? Great. Let's go."

And we do.

Answer 3

First of all, she's 3 years old. Children act up, some worse than others. Secondly, Daycare is a very structured environment where all the children follow certain rules. The order of who's in charge and what the consequences are for misbehaving are known, set and executed. Your daughter understands this. However with you there is a battle going on for supremacy. It's something that all children do. You however, have not established yourself as 'IN CHARGE'. This is probably due to the fact that you work and want to relax when home. You don't take the time to do the things with her to establish a fun yet working relationship. You are not consistent. The punishment should never go beyond the crime itself and should, as often as possible, be a leaning tool not just punishment. It's time consuming. It requires very much patients and must always be consistent. Taking things away, especially when not related to the crime serves no purpose except to confuse a child. When following these simple steps, you will establish yourself as 'IN CHARGE'. That doesn't mean she's going to be perfect, nor should you expect her to be. She has to discover who she is and become her own person. By pushing the limits of their world, is how children do this. Take the time to help her explore her world. Always show her your love and praise her when she does good.

Answer 4

my daughter is the same way I came across a book that is very cheap on amazon.com it's called Whining and three steps to stopping it (by Audrey Ricker. PhD.D and Carolyn Crowder. PhD.D ) awesome book and not at all long ( I hate reading) anyway you do have to be consistent. An IE from the book if she wants something from the store that you said no to and acts up you pick her up leave the store go home, and not talk to her the whole way home. once you get home you explain why you left and have not spoken to her and that you will do that every time until she learns that you mean business know it's inconvenience but it works. however you do have to do it every time it will probably take 2-3 times then when you say no she knows the consequences. I hope this helps get the book I promise the best $11.00 you will ever spent.

Answer 5

I have a son about to turn 3, and we're starting to go through the same thing. As soon as I know I've got him in a safe, controlled environment (walking him back to the room at the dr.s office or down an aisle at the grocery store that's out of everyone's way), I step back and let him scream it out. I make sure he's safe and generally out of the way but otherwise ignore the behavior. It's the attention he seems to be after. It does seem to have helped some. But the terrible twos ain't called that for nothing. I think some kids have just got to go through this period, and we have to suffer with them.

If it helps, I think most adults who have had kids understand what you are going through. I've gotten sympathetic looks from other people while waiting for one of these episodes to wind down. And those people without kids will never understand anyway.

Answer 6

The secret is NO! When you tell a child no who is used to getting her way this is shocking to them. This is the age where they are testing you as a parent. For my daughter, I told her no and gave her two to three taps on the hand to let her know I was serious. Be consistent. When you get to the car or when they calm down you talk to her and let her know that her attitude was not nice. Let her know that every where she goes she is not going to get something. Challenge yourself as a parent, by going on errands and not buying her anything. The magic words are no. Remind her that she has great snacks at home already or toys and that she does not need mommy to buy everything she sees. Explain to her before you leave home that mommy needs to go to the store and that mommy will not be getting her things that are not on the list. Remind her again what you talked about when you get to the store. Tell her that she will be rewarded for her good behavior when she gets home. Good luck this takes time and persistence! Remember what they do at home follows them in public so if she having tantrums in public then she is having them at home. You may have not realized that you give her everything at home yet so try saying no at home also.

Answer 7

Pick her up and carry her away .
Go straight to the car, a bathroom, a quiet spot outside and give her a time out.
As soon as I see my 2 year old heading for a tantrum, the first sign is he just drops to the floor, I do not try to reason with him I scoop him up and take him away. The 2 minute timeout even if it is sitting on my lap on the toilet in the ladies room gives him enough of a change that he forgets the tantrum and we go back to our cart and finish shopping.

Answer 8

Sounds like birth order issues are going on here. If the other child is older, the younger one is going to act differently (and usually act up) simply because she is younger. Two children will always be more work to control. If you want to get hard-line about behavior, head home immediately when she starts her behavior (or at least go outside). But if she is a second child, attention-getting in public will be a survival tactic for her the rest of her life--she feels insecure because there is another child competing for YOUR attention. And even attention for bad behavior is better than not being noticed at all......

Answer 9

Sounds like maybe she was in a place where she could not be the center of attention (doctor's office with stirrups - not at our pediatrician).

She's three -- she needs more supervision, shorter events, and that all important afternoon snooze. Try not to take her along to things that are not about her. She'll grow out of this phase -- the day care and home are familiar environments, and your rules and boundaries are clear there. Be sure to remind her of any behaviors you expect BEFORE you take her out of the comfortable place.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Both my kids did that. I have a son and a daughter. I kept my outings with them short, or make them a part of it as much as possible by engaging them in the process, really make it positive. At the dr's office, in the waiting room itself, I'd take out of my purse something she's interested in and be a part of the play process until the dr got there. It appears she was bored and not wanting to wait, kids have short attention spans as you know at that age and you have to be three steps ahead of them. playing with the stirrups was your first clue, she was not happy to wait, so redirection is necessary and sitting was not an option, so next time be prepared with something as a redirection that she will be content with for another 5 minutes until she is the star attraction with the dr. :-)