i have a daughter who does not do as she is told?

Question

shes 13 and driving me up the wall shes gobby rude and wont do as shes told she rows with her dad and i all the time and lately is getting into trouble at school we have had a problem at home lately which seems to have set her off the problem is resolved but she keeps bringing it up all the time any tips to curb her wild ways

my daughter over heard a conversation that my husband and i were having over something sensitive she knew nothing about it and feels an explanation is due we cant explain it to her it was something she should never of found about

Answer 1

What ever happenend at home has made her feel very insecure and now she feels threatened. The only way she can communicate her unhappiness to you both is by her behaviour this is attention seeking but not in a bad way although it looks like it to you at the moment. what she is saying is.
"I am unhappy,scared,lonely and very worried help me!"
You need to sit down with your daughter and talk to her about the problems that where in the home that set her off. Have you and husband brushed it under the carpet and thought it was just your problem and now you have resolved it everything is back to normal and one happy family again! Children understand a lot more of what goes on between the four walls and our personal relationships than you would ever think or imagine.
I think you should talk to your husband first and then see what it is you can or cant tell her about what happenend. Then sit down with her together and talk about it she needs to understand what went on and why and reasured that she is loved, wanted and everything is ok again. Obviously I do not know what the problem was in the house but you and husband will be able to work out what she should or should not know.
Also remember she has just hit her teens and hormones are every where. You need to lay down those important rules of your home what ever they are so she can see and know who is in control. If she is going out and staying out then you need to have rules in place ok to go out but who with, where, when are you coming home and how?etc if she tells you to mind your own business then tell her you need to know as you are her parents and what happens if something happened to her how would you know where to try and find her ect.
It is hard with some teens and from the sound of what you have written it is what happened that triggered it off and she is now very angry and unhappy. Address it and it should be better good luck.

Answer 2

welcome in the world of teenage girls. when i was a teen i skipped school and faught daily with my siblings . I refused to do homework and hated any authority arround. Still what they said came through to me , maybe not right away but after i matured a bit. Now I am a teacher who would have ever thaught that.

As far as the issue she overheard, she keeps bringing it up cause she knows that you try to hush it. She pokes in it cause she knows its embarrasing for you, she keeps talking about it to get the subject off of her. Teenagers usually dont want to much to do with their parents. Try confrontation, tell her how it really is and whats going on and that you are facing this issue with all you got. Show her that she can not hurt you by mentioning it all the time. Till you get over this stage its gonna take a few years and new things will add to it but be brave and talk to her. Maybe you should do some kind of Family meeting where such things are being brought up and where rules guarantee that everyone can express their feelings. Listen well to what your daughter might or may not say, and do it like once a month.

Good Luck and keep your head up ( you made it this far - you can do IT!!!)

Answer 3

You actaully need to sit and talk to her -discussion usually helps alot. In that way you can get to know the reason behind such sort of behavior from her. As you said she is 13 and a teenager now, there can be so many things responsible for such behavior from her. Also some problems at school - it can be anything. Try discussing things with her, ask her what she feels, if she is going thru something painful etc. Be patient and listen to her -teenagers usually are "aggressive and rude" its only part of that phase - if you will try to be passionate, understanding towards her she might want to express her feelings openly to you. In that way you can also explain to her the extent of her rudeness and stubborness and how much it hurts you both (mom and dad). Just by being frank, passionate, showing love and relying on discussions - things might go well .

Answer 4

This problem though you may feel it is resolved it may not be resolved for her. You need to try and sit down and talk to her, find out what is bothering her. If things are difficult at school talk to the school and find out if any thing is happening or has changed there.
Some of this rebelling could be down to hormones, her age and stage of development. Teenagers are trying to find there own way and will do the opposite of what you do. Try and stay calm, tell her how it feels when she speaks to you like that. If she continues say you wont speak to her when she is like that, just walk away but once she is calm and not shouting go back through and talk to her. Positively reinforce the behaviour that is not challenging even if its a really small thing i.e coming in when she was supposed to, making you a cup of tea, doing her home work. Just be supportive tell her your there if she needs to talk and don't rise to the bait, teenagers like a good argue.

However if she has just begun to be like this there is something going on, she's trying to deal with something and letting everyone know in her own way that she's not happy about something in her life, and therefore the only thing to do is be consistent and just be there.

Also to try and be non -judgemental of whatever she tells you that way she'll feel more comfortable to tell you more.

Answer 5

It sounds like there is a family talk that is due. She apparently feels like she hasn't had her say, and it's important that the family give her that time. Don't bring up her behavior or attitude, just tell her that you guys need to know how she feels about the recent problem.
Let each individual talk about the problem, and what has been done for it to be resolved for them. If she sees that there is no issue anymore, it should help lighten the behavioral problems she is having.
If you still find that she is pushing buttons (bringing it up to upset people), you need to let her know that it's ok to talk about it when the time is right, and it is inappropriate to 'jab' at people. You understand that she is still hurt/upset about this problem, and you are sorry that she feels this way. Let her know that although you understand where her feelings are coming from, if she continues to be this way, there will be consequences.
Also, I'd let her teacher know that her behavior change is due to a recent miss-hap at home. This will better equip the teacher for handling your daughter. And let the teacher know that you are working on the behavior.

Hope this helps, Good Luck.

Answer 6

Well, u need to get to the root of the problem. Ask her out front a couple of times, be supportive and understanding, and these problems may be resolved quickly. However, if they don't subside then u need to be tough with her. My sister was the exact same way and my mother took no s*** at all. U will need to be ruthless in her punishments, show her u are not scared of her and make her fear u.
Teenagers are famous for showing no fear. u will really need to make her fear u. Attack and take away what she loves most and u should regain her respect.
Hope I've been of help.

Answer 7

There is no magic, just some simple rules. Discuss to find out if there is a cause you aren`t aware of, then lay down the expectations and the consequences...then follow through, follow through, follow through. Make sure both parents are on board with the plan and can`t be undermined. Then it is sheer love and determination. It`s not fancy but it always works in the long run. Good luck.

Answer 8

she is the typical 13 yr old. pushing her luck to see how far she can go. the worst thing you can do at this stage is give in to her. you have to set ground rules and stick to them . if you let her off in anyway she has won. at this age it's pretty much a battle of wills. you just have to ride it out until she breaks first.
believe me it does get better. i have been through the same thing with both of my girls.
if she is a mature 13yr old you could sit her down and talk to her about the problem you have been having at home. if shes not, you just have to ensure that she feels safe and secure.
best of luck

Answer 9

sounds strange but is she being bullied dont get me wrong maybe shes fallen in witha bad crowd or perhaps she is reacting badly to the thing at home but she sounds like my brother was when he was being bullied he used to come home really stressed out and get really gobby with my mum until we found out he was being bullied. other then that she sounds like a typical teenager hopfully not a yob who hangs around shops shouting abuse at people. at 13 shes going through some changes as im sure you remember i wasnt very nice either. my dad grounded me it worked as i wanted to see my mates or you could try to bring this problem up alone with her and tell her you love her but her behaviour is scaring you and your very worried about her good luck

Answer 10

welcome to the teenage years. by the way , it gets worse from here. Just stay firm in your parenting skills. you'll know your doing the right thing when she screams at you " I hate you " "your ruining my life" And tell her your private issues are none of her business.Unless they are. If you and hubby are talking of a divorce that is her business.better tell her before she feels like your hiding family issues from her. I mean , she will find out eventually anyways right.And remember they don't really hate you , it's just what teenagers say when they can't get their way, or you 've caught them in a lie about something. Usually it's I want to go to the movies with so and so . When really their planning on ditching the movie and hittin a party somewhere. thats when she'll say your ruining her life.when you tell her she can't go now because you don't trust her. Mine is 17 and is just now starting to get privileges to go out again.