friend of 18yrs got engaged MAR05.She never formally asked me to be in her wedding. She did not have a date for her wedding (nor an idea of a date) , or venue. I set up appointments w/ wedding mgrs, venues, & dress stores. She canceled 2 hours before the appointments because her fiancee did NOT FEEL like going (this was MAY05). I left the whole situation alone knowing her fiancee is now in the picture & I should respect her relationship. Oct05 I was engaged we decided the same day on what date we would be married. I wrote a letter & formally asked all my bridesmaids to be in the wedding & of course made her the maid of honor. I called her the next day after his proposal to inform her. A week later I solidified the date w/ a venue & called her again to let her know the date. "She exclaimed the date is 6 days before my wedding". She said she would not be in my wedding & did not want me in hers. she did not attend my wedding & did not invite me to hers is she a friend? what did I do wrong
2006-09-24 10:53:14 · 20 answers · asked by justthetwoofus 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You did nothing wrong from what I'm reading. It sounds as if you were organized and she wasn't. I assume you have common friends and she was probably jealous that your day would outshine hers.
A bigger issue is are you sure she was really ever your friend? Sounds as if she is a "friend" if things go her way. That's not true friendship. I predict she'll be divorced within a few years.
2006-09-24 11:24:08 · answer #1 · answered by tonyend2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if she was really ur friend she would never have put u in such a position. If u've said ur peace to her about this and she's still acting this way; move on and find new friends. She is obviously way too immature to respect ur decisions, and she obviously is very jealous of u. u clearly did nothing wrong if she hadn't even told u a date - as i'm sure u would not have scheduled ur wedding for the week before had u known her big day's date. She obviously has some control issues. U don't need that!!
Give her a couple of months and try contacting her again, if she still acts like a two yr old, u'll know ur answer. Maybe she just needs time and sanity to get over this! Good luck
2006-09-24 18:05:27 · answer #2 · answered by drcil 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had this happen with my wedding. I called up a very good friend of mine from college, asked her to be a bridesmaid. She then told me that she was getting married the next week. Your friend probably had the same excuse mine did, she was so busy finalizing the details of her own wedding, that it was just the wrong time to make the time commitment to be in someone else's wedding. She probably didn't invite you to her wedding because she figured you'd still be on a honeymoon, and wouldn't be able to attend. I wouldn't read too much into it, honestly. The whole planning issue with her may be she just wasn't into it all at that point that you were trying to help her. I don't think you did anything wrong, and I don't think she did anything wrong. I think this is a simple mis-communication between friends. Invite her to lunch, and see if you guys can't clear the air. Good luck.
2006-09-24 20:15:47 · answer #3 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You babble on just too long and leave out some meaningful information, but the bottom line is this: If you did no wrong and feel that you did not intentionally slight her in any way, then you are on high ground and really have no apology to make. If there is something you left out that she could have interpreted as unfriendly, then you should apologize and hope for the best.
In any case, weddings bring emotions to the boiliing point even in the best of us, and nerves become frayed for little or no reason.
If you value the friendship, write a short note and tell her so, apologizing for anything you might have done, and tell her you never intended anything wrong. Close giving a specific date and time you will call her. Then call her.
2006-09-24 18:08:23 · answer #4 · answered by snvffy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't need a friend like that!!! It's easier for me to say because I am not in your shoes. But I was in a very similar situation. That's not a real friend sweetheart!! I had a friend that was just as petty. I decided that it was time to end our friendship before she kept hurting me. You are better off without her. Just keep telling yourself that. If a person cares about you then it shouldn't matter when you get married.
Personally I would be elated if my best friend and I got married within a week of each other. I could care less who got married first. I know your probably hurt by her actions but just realize that at least now she's not their to ruin your wedding and make your day miserable. Or for that matter she's not their to make the rest of your life miserable!
Good Luck!!
2006-09-25 12:40:15 · answer #5 · answered by kristina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well let me see. She got engaged but set no date. Several months later you got engaged and set a date. She obviously had set a date without informing you of when it was so had no intention of having you in her wedding party. I say don't sweat it you don't need those kind of friends and why would you send her a gee I'm really sorry note when you did nothing wrong. Find a new friend that will be there through thick and thin.
2006-09-24 19:59:23 · answer #6 · answered by oldmomma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may not have done anything wrong. People get really weird about their weddings. Reach out a few more times to her - explain that you didn't know what her date was - and ask her if she will still be your friend. If you are unable to reconnect with her, you need to move on. No matter how well we think we know someone, sometimes we are wrong.
Take care of yourself and only try this if you can without building more resentment.
Hang in there and remember to cherish those who did come.
-J
2006-09-24 18:04:21 · answer #7 · answered by tigglys 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did nothing wrong. It sounds like you should have outgrown this friend a long long time ago, but held on out of a sense of loyalty. I'm sure you had some nice times in junior high, but most of us change. Sounds like she is still about 12. She is horribly immature.
I would cut her off 100%, but if you do not want to, at least do not call her, do not write her. Send her holiday and birthday cards (or anniversary cards) but do not write anything, just sign them. That leaves the door open for her to show that she wants to and deserves to be your friend again.
2006-09-24 23:07:04 · answer #8 · answered by Katherine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she has to grow up and you were lucky not to have her in your pics and memories of your wedding. She has some problem and it is personal. I would think that after 18 years you would know all of her secrets, if she is bi-polar or what makes her tick! Let her alone and she may come back as a friend but I doubt that you and she will ever be very close again. You will never know when she will explode again.Continue growing and make your man and marriage first with all of your energy and love! Best wishes!
2006-09-24 19:41:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Obsviously, she is mad that you got married before her. You have done nothing wrong though. Sorry to hear that you have lost a friend because of this.
Have you tried to contact her recently? Hopefully, she has cool down and wishes to catch up w/ you as well. Have a heartfelt conversation w/ her and tell her that you value your friendship.
If she is still mad, then tell her to contact you when she is ready to amend the relationship.
Good luck!
2006-09-24 22:54:37 · answer #10 · answered by erinlovestv 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋