my wife passed away last year, we were seperated. Anyway i have a 6yr old daughter. Who i brought up mostly by myself. its coming up 2 her mums birthday im not to sure what we should do about it. She is now coping fine. talks about mummy when she wants to to me or fiance. But we dont goto grave incase it brings on nightmares etc. As we had for a while after her mum died. should we just ignore its her mums birthday as she doesnt know? or what?
2006-09-24 08:35:34 · 25 answers · asked by gooner1972 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Personally i would leave it for now, she is only a baby and i think to inform her of this might upset her.....if she's adjusting as well as it sounds leave the details until she is older...You on the other hand should go to the grave on that day and inform your ex- how well your baby is doing and that you didnt forget her Bday.....Good Luk!
2006-09-25 23:10:52 · answer #1 · answered by EMA 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to be honest with you daughter and as she is coping OK, suggest that when she next brings up her Mum or when you feel it would be an opportune moment, put forward the idea that as she cannot be with her Mummy on her birthday that, if she would like, you can take some flowers to her graveside with perhaps a poem or card that she had written/made attached specially for her Mum. This can then also be done at Christmas and at other special times as and when she would like. This will teach her how she can let her Mummy know that she loves and misses her.
Your daughter will know also Daddy has not forgotten and you can tell her how proud her Mummy would be and how much she want your daughter to be happy etc.
Another hurdle will be overcome and as she grows older she will truly appreciate this gesture and be grateful to you. Depends on your religious views as to whether you explain further and deeper, but again this would be an ideal teaching opportunity - and also present the chance to answer any Q. she may have in a very simple way. You will probably be surprise at how much she does understand.
Wishing you all the best and God's blessings be with you.
2006-09-24 08:43:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should definitely celebrate it. This is for her, not you, so your separation or your engagement shouldn't be a factor. I know from experience that it is very difficult to lose your mom early. While you don't have to focus on it all the time, it is certainly important and appropriate to remember her on at least several days each year: her birthday, Mothers Day, Christmas, and maybe even the day she died. (Believe me, your daughter will think about her mom a whole lot more than just on these few days.) Just do your best to make sure your daughter has good things to remember about her mom. How? Look at photos together, re-live vacations through telling stories, tell her about your memories of her mom--funny stories, romantic stories, even sad stories. Just give her what you can since Mom isn't going to be there for her. And you should take her to the cemetary. There's no reason it should evoke nightmares. Just tell her that this is a pretty place where we go to remember Mommy and that she's living with God now. That's what I tell my 3 year old and she's never been freaked about it.
2006-09-24 13:23:11 · answer #3 · answered by DivaDynamite 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont ignore the fact its soon to be mummys birthday. you say your little girl talks about her so she hasn't forgotten her. Have a little quiet tea at home with a small cake and tell your little girl that mummy is watching her from heaven.
How is your daughter sleeping now? Does she still have nightmares? If not, how about having a small bouquet of mums favourite flowers on the table and ask your daughter if she would like to take them to where her mum is buried.
Good luck and God Bless you all
2006-09-24 08:47:39 · answer #4 · answered by Snuffy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe talk to her about how she feels! I think putting flowers on her mothers grave is the best thing to do. I know you said it brings back nightmares. Explian to her that her mom is her guardian angel now and she is always with her watching overbto make sure she is doing well. At the age of 6 yrs old it is tough but she will understand in time! Have her make a card and have her read it at the grave site! Tell her mummy can hear her and knows how much she is loved by her!! Good Luck!!!
2006-09-24 08:43:11 · answer #5 · answered by kolowski4 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for your loss, even though you were separated, this was the mother of your daughter. And even though you've brought up this child pretty much on your own, she still deserves to know about her mother. Hopefully she has a picture of her mum in her room, and hopefully you tell her stories about her mum, so that she'll grow to know her and love her. I would definitely mark the occasion in some small way, maybe have a small cake, tell your daughter that today is mummy's birthday. Maybe even have her write a card for her mum, kids that age usually LOVE to be creative, drawing pictures and what not. Best of luck to you.
2006-09-24 08:48:55 · answer #6 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should take your daughter to the grave side to lay flowers then go to somewhere that was special for you all and maybe have a picnic (weather permitting, of course) or something and talk about her mum. Explain that her mum will always be watching over her and that to think about her and talk about her is ok. Kids are so resilient. Girls love birthdays and special things, so make a day of it. Releasing balloons is a nice idea, saying that, that way mum can catch them as they float past, maybe put birthday wishes or messages tied to them. Good luck, whatever you decide to be best.
2006-09-24 13:23:21 · answer #7 · answered by andrea g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe she is still a bit young to visit a grave, how about getting a nice pink balloon and going to either the beach or moorland and letting her make her own little message to her mom her way before she releases the balloon then come home and have a little cake ready with a few candles in and let her just have a little celebration by blowing a few candles out in memory of her mom.
2006-09-24 12:22:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my dad died my little brother would have been eight so a little older than you daughter. We have never done anything in particular for my dads birthday, we acknowledged it was his birthday and had an extra nice dinner like a roast or something. But as your daughter is younger and doesn't know it is her birthday, maybe just next time she talks about her let her know it would have been her mums birthday, she may well let you know that she would or would not like to do something. Maybe just do what we did have a extra special dinner just to acknowledge it was her birthday!!!
2006-09-24 08:49:58 · answer #9 · answered by Jennifer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
6 is a difficult age but if i were in your position i would let ur little girl take flowers to her mums grave on her birthday , its all about tact , she won`t have nightmares thats her mum . Maybe u want ur little girl to forget but i think thats not right , just because u have a new partner and u may think it`ll be hunky dory but this little girl can`t be allowed to forget her mum .
2006-09-24 10:50:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take your daughter to the gravesight and let her put flowers on her Mothers grave and then you can tell her that Mom is buried there, but her soul is up in heaven with God. you'd be amazed how smart a 6 yr.old is at understanding. If your daughter was taught any kind of religion!
2006-09-24 08:43:13 · answer #11 · answered by Gerry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋