My 6 year old son wanting to move to his dad's, should I give in? Or keep saying no?

Question

My son's smart for his age. He does have disabilities. He has been diagnosed Adhd, Odd, and Bipolar.
Has seen 2 psychiatrist's, and 2 psychologist's. Been on several medication's that have failed. My son's dad & I have joint custody, His dad does have visitation.
He has distorted ideal's @ times of who he want's to live with, as in his step-dad and I moving with him to his dad's. I cant seem to get my son to understand that just cant happen. His dad and I have very different view's on my son's disabilities, he believe's nothing is wrong with him, and will never try and get him help.
I on the other hand know he has the disabilities along with 4 Dr's diagnosis. But not getting anywhere with medicine, and Dr's. The medicine either doesn't work, or is too strong & dangerous, and I get him off the medicine's.
I know my son loves me, but wants to live with his dad, its a very hard decision I have to make. As a court date is close. I have had to hire an attorney. Serious answers please

Some really NEED to re-read my question, my son DOES see his dad. And as far as Mr Nasa man, seem's you have no qualification's with children, as I have said serious answer's please. And from people who actually have children of their own who understand my situation.
The school, court's etc does all know about my son's disability.
Also my son's dad has just throw his medicine away, had thrown it across the road before. But look where I am at,,, the medicine DOESN'T help my son.
I love my son very much, I was incapable of having children untill a Dr super infertilized me what it called IUI, cost's $3000.00. And yes the sperm is from his dad.

What I mean when I said my son is smart for his age is, he talk's about issue's you wouldn't think a 6 year old would talk about (not anything sexual, & etc) his mind is way beyond his age I believe. I am so glad we have these add on's because there is only so much you can write in your beginning question. The adhd I can handle, the bipolar, I can handle, but the Odd is another story, he is a big boy for his age as well, not FAT, but SOLID 90 lbs & 4'2, and I am 5 ft even, my son gets stuck in these raging fits, and he can be destructive, he will kick, punch, slap, claw, and will grab anything in site to smack you with, and he has hurt me & his sibbling in the process. My sons dad says he doesnt do any of that when he is at his house, I really havent believed him, but sometimes I wonder if his dad is telling the truth.
Does anyone have any ideal what ODD is? Its horrible, I have to tell myself OVER, & OVER again he cant help it, he cant help it, and deal with him in the process.

Answer 1

Well I have 2 boys of my own, ages 15 and 13 I know from our experiences that yes a boys needs their father but you said he IS in his life very much but I have to say that my 2 boys love their dad very much but they wanna live with me. I am not saying ANYTHING about men at all but a child espeasially at that age needs to be with their mom. not at all that a man couldnt take care of a child but what can I say its just a fact of nature. Im so sorry that you have to go through this but thats my opinion and a child at the age of 6 sure doesnt know what is best for him and thats what you need to focus on --what is BEST FOR HIM not for you. Goodluck ...and my email is bootsy454@yahoo if you wanna comment me back.

Answer 2

I think first of all you need to make sure the courts and schools are aware of the disabilities. Sometimes it takes a while for medications to take affect but if they aren't helping your son you need to change doctors or child therapists, etc. The bottom line is that I do not think your son should live with his father for an extended period of time other than visitation. His father obviously is ignorant of the issues your son has and therefore will not likely care for your son in a beneficial way until medications are correctly diagnosed and under control and he understands that these are real problems. Good Luck

Answer 3

We all say our kids are smart for their age...my children are absolutely ahead of their age! But what does that mean, smart for his age? Do you think that your son knows what's best for him?
Our sons do need their fathers whenever possible in their lives. There will be a time when your son needs his father more than he needs his mommy influence. Now is not that time. Right now he needs his mommy influence.
And of course your son thinks it would be great to live with the "fun-time" parent. When he sees his dad it is probably not mostly about rules and boundaries and discipline. That's what he gets at his full-time home with you. When he goes to dad, he gets a lot of attention because they see each other less often, and the part-time custodial parent spends much of their time trying to make up for the time not spent together. Thus the fun-time parent.
What's good for your son at this age and with his obstacles is routine, discipline, boundaries, rules. All things with which he can learn to cope with his own mind and the world around him.
You decide what's best for your son, and then you do not have to give reason our explanation to your son. He needs to know that you are in charge and he has no say-so in the matter.

I have a seven year old son that thinks he would prefer to live with his father. He does not do without male role models as he has a stepfather that is very involved with him as well as his grandfathers. He also sees his dad regularly. So I do understand some of what you are going through.
You have to be strong and decisive and present an unfaltering force to your son. He has to know that you are in charge for a reason. And don't let him see you be wishy-washy no matter how hard it is. You no longer have the luxury of letting your emotional baggage or uncertainty show.

Answer 4

is the father capable of caring for your child? will all his needs as a child be met? If he lives with his dad do you still have joint custody? It is hard to be a child and go back a forth and is confusing as well however the child has the right to have a relationship with both parents and the parents have the obligation to help make that possible however challenging that may seem. I would say you know best you must look at the facts and put all selfish thoughts aside to help you come to a decission that will work for everyone involved. Try to come to this conclussion between the two of you and stay out of the courts is best for everyone. Good Luck.

Answer 5

OK you asked for it.

Let your son move to his Father, You and him should share this child's life above yours. You went to a lot of trouble to have him. I've never seen a child that did not understand the Love he got freely from a parent. He will not be lost to you.
You can go to every Doctor in the world. But all your answers are in your head, The best thing you can do for your son his show him your strength in your willingness to let him go to his father. He will always come back to you!

Answer 6

Keep saying no. If he goes to his dads, he'll get worse. If his dad doesnt believe he has these disabilities, then he wont get him treatment, and he will get alot worse. Your ex will end up sending him back.

DO NOT let him go. Hes obviously disabled with things or he wouldnt have those doctors.

Itll be the worst mistake youve ever made. Keep working on your son, have some alone time with him, take him somewhere he loves to go, buy his love, everything you can do, ID DO IT.

I know its wrong to buy someones love, but Id do it in this case. Not alot, but do a little more for him, he'll end up changing his mind and he'll quit thinking about it.

Answer 7

This might be the best thing for your little one's relationship with his dad. There's nothing better than first hand experience for Dad to come to the realization that the little guy needs help.
I'm sure dad loves your son and this might help the situation you're facing. At least you both will be on the same page when it comes to the child's welfare.
Good luck.

Answer 8

I work with children who have diagnosed behavior and emotional problems such as those you listed for your son. They are real concerns and it's important that his caregiver knows this. If your son's father doesn't believe the diagnosis, he will not provide the care that your son needs. He should not have custody of your son for that reason alone. I would be sure to take the diagnosed information from your son's doctor to the court hearing. Try to be patient and consistent with the medication. You may also want to look into a one-on-one therapeutic support staff for your son. Talk to his school guidance counselor about this program. It may help him improve without as much medication.

Answer 9

tell your female buddy you're uncomfortable with him calling you dad. that isn't uncommon to sense uneasy approximately it noticeably provided that he does have a dad it incredibly is lively in his life. She could communicate together with her son approximately it on account that's her toddler, and allow him be responsive to that isn't what you want to be called. another theory to contemplate is i be responsive to in Washington state whether you're actually not the youngster's organic and organic father in case you and your female buddy split and her son is calling you Dad she will hit you for toddler help. i'm no longer asserting she is like that or it incredibly is even a regulation on your state yet be careful. in the journey that your female buddy does no longer want to chat together with her son approximately this difficulty then you definately could have a coronary heart to coronary heart together with her son and allow him be responsive to you're actually not his dad yet perchance the two considered one of you're able to desire to arise with a nickname. Your female buddy incredibly could honor this as a valid concern of yours yet you're able to make her conscious that that is no longer purely an "difficulty", that it makes you incredibly uncomfortable. the two considered one of you're able to be on the comparable point, to no longer say she isn't large yet she incredibly could understand you spot this as a concern. My fiance and that i've got been living jointly approximately 4 months and my daughters dad is lively in her life. the way I see that's she has a father already, so why would she call yet another guy who isn't dad? sturdy success this may well be a tricky one!

Answer 10

My 8 year old son just said he wants his own bedroom. I know this is only a small comparison. I have the room, but he has always slept with his brother out of not wanting to be alone. Well, I gave him the chance, he tried and now he doesn't want it. But now, he knows I tried for him. If he was persistent, I would let my son go, as long as he knows he can come back. My son is back with his brother in the room together. He thought it would be great, but realized, that wasn't so. Good luck!