2006-09-24 08:00:42 · 10 answers · asked by little miss 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an
American engineer -- are working together one day. They come
across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give each of
you one wish, which is three wishes total" says the Genie.
The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my
son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in
Canada." Pooooof!
With the blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was
forever made fertile for farming.
Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall
around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran so that no infidels, Jews or
Americans can come into our precious state." Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries..
The American Engineer ask's, "I am very curious. Please tell
me more about this wall". The Genie explains, "Well, it's
about 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds the
country. Nothing can get in or out -- it's virtually impenetrable."
The American engineer says, "Fill it with water."
2006-09-24 12:35:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a woman but I think this joke is great. I hope you enjoy it too.
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,
I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.
"I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.
"She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who
I am and not what I do for you
In the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her.
We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed
department store. I walked around
with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment
her new clothes, so Isaid, "Lets get a pair for each outfit" We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing
me because she asked for a tennis bracelet
when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a
loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said,
"I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out,
"No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping
needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who
I am and not for the things I buy you?"
APPARENTLY I'm NOT HAVING SEX TONIGHT EITHER....but at
least the ***** knows I'm smarter than her !
2006-09-24 18:10:04 · answer #2 · answered by Claire U.K 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Q) whats the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits a car windscreen?
A) its bum ( replace with ***)
ha ha! heard that when i was 16, loved it ever since!
2006-09-24 15:05:19 · answer #3 · answered by sparklybrighteyes 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
2 bats go off for thier midnight feed.One gives up and goes back to the cave.The other comes back with blood dripping from his mouth.
The first bat (Steve) asks "where did you get all of that blood from?".
The second bat (Bob) replies "Come, i'll show you".
They reach a wall and stop.
So Bob asks "See that wall over there?".
"Yes,yes!!" shouts Steve excitedly.
"I didn't!" says Bob!
2006-09-24 15:14:38 · answer #4 · answered by Proto 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is there 4 d's in Edward Woodward?
Bcause Ewar Woowar sounds stupid
2006-09-24 15:17:42 · answer #5 · answered by FLOYD 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
this one:
Its thanksgiving and this family, lets call them the browns, is having a party. the little girl goes up to her mom and asks "mom, whats a b***h?" The mom replies "Oh, thats a lady sweety." "What's a bastard?" Oh, thats a gentlman sweety." "ok." the mom is cutting the turkey and she says "f**k!" The little girl asks "Whats f**k?" the mom replies "Oh, thats a seasoning that goes on the turkey. "ok" The girl goes upstairs to talk to her dad. her dad is shaving and he cuts himself. he says "s**t!" the little girl asks "Whats s**t?" the dad replies "Oh thats the shaving cream." "ok" the girl goes downstairs to greet the guests coming in. she says "Hi bitches and bastards. Can i take your coats? My mom and dad would be here to greet you but my moms f**king the turkey and my dads wiping s**t off his face."
2006-09-24 15:03:27 · answer #6 · answered by Megan 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
George Bush being re-elected. Now THAT was a joke and a half...
2006-09-24 15:03:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
date of birth?
25thjuly
what year?
every year
2006-09-24 16:44:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, 'hurd' is a funny...
2006-09-24 15:08:25 · answer #9 · answered by jupiter FIVE 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why are pirates called pirates?
because they aaaarrrrrrrrggggghhhhhh
2006-09-24 15:25:35 · answer #10 · answered by oooligan 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋