Do you think this is fair?

Question

I'm 21-years-old and I still live at home cause I can't afford to get my own place. I sometimes would love to move out, but it's just not possible at this time.

I went out on a date last night and didn't get home til' almost 11. My curfew is at 10, but I figured it would be okay since I AM 21. We didn't do anything. We just drove around and talked.

My parents were getting on to me today about it, saying that "As long as you live under my roof, you'll do what I say." They think that since I stayed out so late I was, "Up to no good." We seriously didn't do anything! He was going to drop me off at 10, but I thought it would be nice to ride around another time.

On top of that, my brother used to stay out till 1 in the morning and stuff, but they said that's okay because he wasn't on a date and cause he's a guy.

Anyway, they said if I did it again (which I'm not planning on it) they're going to embarass me in front of him. Oh boy.

How would you feel in this situation?

Even at $9.00/hr, I could not afford my own place. I had to buy my own car (yeah, most of you get that for free when you turn 16). I also pay for other things like car insurance.

It has nothing to do with maturity. They just think I'm going to get raped or something.

I wasn't going to have sex with him. I just enjoyed being with him and knew I wouldn't see him for another week.

They said that they had to go get him one time at a party cause he stayed out too late. That was like...2 or 2:30 I think. He finally moved out though...lol.

Well, actually, he met them on our first date. He's a really nice guy. My mom just instantly thinks people are bad.

Answer 1

It is a tough situation. I suggest that you start by talking to your parents about how you feel. Tell them that the curfew is too early and since you are now an adult you should be able to set your own rules. Remind them about how lax they were with your brother. Having said that, it probably won't change their minds any, but it is worth a try.

In order to avoid embarassment, tell your boyfriend about the situation and that you will come out to the car when he shows up and you will not be able to invite him in afterwards. If he is not in the house, your parents can't use him to embarass you.

Another thing you can do is go about your business as normal and when they try to embarass you, pretend it doesn't bother you. If you can do this successfuly, they will stop.

Start saving your pennies, and try to get a better job so that you can move out of the house. Look into sharing an apartment with another female. Sometimes you can rent a room from someone. You will find these ads in the newspaper. It all depends on how motivated you are to get your own place.

Answer 2

As a dad of 4 Girls and 1 boy I must admit that a parent...usually the dad does seem to treat the girls different than the boys. I know its not right but we just cant help it LOL. Having said that 10 does seem a little....no a lot unfair for a person that is 21 years old. If moving out with a friend or getting a place of your own is completely out of the question at this time then you can try talking to your parents about this. Remember it is there house...and as unfair as it seems they have the final say. try talking to them when everything is okay and not when they are upset by you coming in too late. I would just say "you know I really am glad that you guys let me stay here but I would like to be able to try and start my own life and by having to be home by 10 its a little tough to do when you are 21 years old. What ever you do DO NOT say Gezz dad what where you doing when you were 21...Cause he knows what he was doing! Why do you think you have to be in by 10! LOL
The best thing is still if some how you can get a place of your own.
Good luck

Answer 3

If ur 21 then ur legally an adult and I don't think your parents should give you a curfew. Sure, you are living under their roof, but you s/b able to live your own life, as long as ur not getting into trouble or doing anything wrong or comitting any crimes. It sounds like your parents are still living in the last century, they need to adjust to the times.

Answer 4

listen hun, i'm 18 years old i have a one year old baby and i live with my parents. my mom lets me stay out as late as i want and do whatever and go wherever i want as long as i get up with the baby in the morning. i was dating my current bf for not even two weeks and she let me spend the night at his house. we stay out until all hours of the morning just hanging out. my bf and i are having sex and my mom knows it. i think it is ridiculous that your curfew is 10 pm. **** THAT! last night i was out until 4 am and my mom was up when i came home and she didn't care. so after the baby goes to bed i go out with friends or my bf and my mom has a number to call if the baby wakes up just so you know i am not dumping the baby on my mom. my social life does not start until the baby goes to bed. which is why i'm glad my curfew is not 10 pm because that would only give me like an hour to hang out. i have a job and i pay my parents rent. i think your p[arents need to get over it and realize you are an adult, not a little girl, and you are capable of making mature and responsisble decisions. and if something does go wrong, you have to pay for it, not them. geez i'm glad they are not my parents...

Answer 5

There is all ways a double standard. He can stay out until 1am. But keep in mind, they don't want their son to be some over obedient looser, who doesn't like girls, who has no life and just stays in his room. Usually what the son does is ignored. And what the daughter does is overly examined.
Advice, move out. Go to college, stay on campus, get financial aid.
But what your parents want is best for you. Even if the person you were out with may not.

Answer 6

First of all I would go to my parents and let them know that all though you live in there house and you respect their ideas and feelings you are now a grown woman and that you would like for them to reconsider there time of coming in. You are a woman and need to be recognized for that. IF that doesn't work then you better start looking for somewhere else to stay if this is a big problem.

Answer 7

I say they need to relax, you're an adult. IF you pay them rent, then I would speak your mind. But if you are living there for free, it's their way or the highway. IF you are there for free, I would save your money now, so you could get out. That sounds rough. I left home when I was 18, so I never had to deal with it. But I did regret it, becasue once you're on your own, you pay for EVERYTHING....:( Of course I'm in my 30s now. Good luck with that.

Answer 8

you chose to live there. If you have it so bad then why are you staying there. It is their house, not yours. if you rented an apt from someone,do you think that since it was your place that you could throw loud parties all the time? no you could not. someone has given you a place to live and rather you pay rent or not, you need to respect the other people. so your brother got to stay out later, well maybe he was more mature then you and had the ambition to get on his own.. this is not about your brother or what is fair. this is about you getting out and living on your own.

Answer 9

What sucks is that double standard because you're a girl and since your brother's a guy, its ok.
Your parents are right though. As long as you live there, you have to go by their rules because it is their house. I know it doesn't seem fair to you, but that's the way it goes. My parents told me I had to leave their house. ( I was 21) I was hurt, but now I thank them for it.

Answer 10

I can't believe you have a curfew. Your parents sound like they don't want you to grow up. If you can't afford your own place, get a bedsitting room, not the most glamorous but at least you won't have a curfew.