i'm going out with a terriffic caucasion guy, and i'm black.
we've been together for two years now, but he still refuses to hug me/ to pretty much show any type of affection towards me when we're somewhere. its not a PDA thing. he just says he 'cant do it', like i'm something he's ashamed of; he can't be seen with me outside of our group of friends.
we're completely open wiht each other and can talk about pretty much anything...
but is he ashamed of me?
i love him, and he loves me.
but i just worry sometimes...
any help or personal/past experiences would b greatly appreciated.
un amor,
me.
2006-09-24 05:31:33 · 15 answers · asked by brini14@sbcglobal.net 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I havn't went through anything like this before, and I have dated out of my race more than once. I'm also a black female like yourself, and I have been with white, and asian guys. I never once had a problem with them being ashamed to be seen with me. If anything they wanted to be seen with me. Whether we were holding hands, kissing, doing all the things a couple would do when you see them loving each other out in public. You say that you two love each other, but if he really, really, loved you he would not be ashamed of you no matter what. He's worried about what people will think and say about him when he's not around friends. When you two are with friends he feels secure because there are other people in the group to take the focus off of you and him. Really you have a man that is not confident about who he is, and his relationship as well. Two years is a long time to be going through this and thinking it's ok. You need to be with someone that will show you his love and affection no matter where you are. This problem will not go away, and it will only get worse for you if you two decide to have a life together. There are so many white guys that would do anything to be seen and love on their black girlfriend or wife out in public. You should want more for yourself were this is concerned because you deserve better and you have to know and belive that for yourself. He loves you but only when it's in private. For you to write how you feel let's all of us know that you know there is a problem and really if you think about it, you have answered your own question. I hope things work out for you. Good luck!!!!
2006-09-24 05:48:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it's a race issue based strictly on the information you gave us. Ask him. Give him the opportunity to recognize what he's doing and how hurtful this is. If he denies it or is rude, then get rid of him. There are plenty of other guys who will appreciate you for you and not be ashamed of the color of your skin. I dated an African American male several years back. He was wonderful...except when we were in public. He once even told me if someone he knew talked to him, I should act like I'm his probation officer??? WTF....I don't think so. Things ended soon after that.
2006-09-24 12:38:57 · answer #2 · answered by shynomore 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one . There are guys out there that will not under any circumstances Do PDA(public display of affection). So this very well not be a racial thing here .Still regardless it probably hurts . If he loves you and you love him your going to need to work thru this maybe with a therapist .I could easily see this as being non racial .I want to reassure you of that . Nonetheless it sucks and hurts .Best wishes to you both .
2006-09-24 12:47:52 · answer #3 · answered by bolounit1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably using you, sweetie. Sorry to say that he does not "Love" you.....he is ashamed of you! Forget any future with him........stay with your own kind. You are probably putting out for him and that is where this so-called "love" comes from. My caucasion daughter married a black man and her dad and I shudder every day. Who in the world would want mixed race children who don't belong any where??? I will tell you one thing, if I was with someone who was "ashamed" of me.......I would never, ever hang around. I would be Gone! You need to work on your self-esteem, take the high road and end the relationship! I find it hard to believe that you refer to him as "terrific" when he treats you in such a degrading manner!
2006-09-24 12:40:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are both young and experiencing the pleasures of growing up. It's a man thing that he is not holding you in public. He probably needs to keep up appearances. Don't take too much notice. But if it's bugging you too much, you should ask him why. Otherwise it's got nothing to do with race trust me
2006-09-24 12:35:36 · answer #5 · answered by brown_sugah064 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I was in the same thing you are in ecept the rolls where reversed. She wasn't ashamed of me. It was her brother that she was protecting me from. As she put it. I had a chat with him and she was right. We where together for a year after that and when her father found out who she was selling. all hell broke lose. we are still friends but its just never the same.
2006-09-24 12:50:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know, I don't think that the race should be a problem at all. Kiss Him, then he might actually show some efection for you. If not, then what is the point in going out w/ him?
2006-09-24 12:34:42 · answer #7 · answered by steve 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea, I think he's afraid of peoples' reactions toward him when
they realize he's dating you instead of just being a friend.
I kno because I use to have the same problem .
I'm a black female and
my boyfriends are usually Irish.
2006-09-24 12:40:01 · answer #8 · answered by Crystal 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He doesnt wanna show affection in public, y'know how obnoxious asian ppl are in the subway..........he thinks the same kind of thing.
2006-09-24 12:40:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him if you love me enough you won't care what anyone thinks...if you don't then im out...he'll tell you that he loves you then cut him off in the middle of the sentance and say...whats the problem? you love me but you can't show everyone esle? he should give in!!!
2006-09-24 12:36:07 · answer #10 · answered by N3W Y0RKZ B@Bii GURL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋