Please hear my story before you judge. I am married, and my husband and i have been married for 6 years now. We have a 1 year old son, who is a 'special needs' baby, and is on medicines and many doctors appointments. We live in a very small town, and his closest doctor is a 45 minute drive away. Everything has been fine until about 6 months ago. My husbands work went out of business, and our only car broke down. We were renting to own a house, but the owner of the house passed away unexpecdedly, so we were forced to move out, and now live in an apartment. Yes, our son has WIC, etc, but WIC only covers half of his formula since it is prescribed by his doctor because of his health needs. Also, the state insurance doesnt cover his medicine, which we could afford until all this other stuff happened. We love our son very much. But everything in our life seems to be going wrong and we can barely afford to live. I just want the best for my son, someone who can afford to provide for him.
2006-09-24 05:25:16 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Liek i said, we really love our son. We put all of our money to him. Sometimes my husband and i dont eat, etc, just so we can affford to buy his medicine. I am doing the best i can as a mother,really. But i cant handle it anymore. We live in a very small town, with little to no job opportunities. My husband has a fake knee-cap from a Navy injury from 8 years ago, and he is having a hard time finding a job. I stay home with our son because we cant afford daycare anymore. I too am adopted. I would ask my parents for help, but i dont have any. My husband has a only a mom, who cant help either. I just need some advice on what to do. We were a perfect little family, and now everything has taken a turn for the worse. I dont care if i get to eat or not, i just want the best for my son.
2006-09-24 05:29:03 · update #1
Some of you are VERY rude and hurtful. I am not trying to 'give away my son' just so i can have more money. I am thinking about adoption so that he can have everything he needs and deserves. How does that make me a bad mother, because i care about his needs?
2006-09-24 05:42:32 · update #2
I do not own a computer or cell phone. I dont even have a phone line. I am at the local library, but thanks for assuming, being rude to me, and making me feel worse
2006-09-24 05:44:00 · update #3
Oh, sweetie. Keep your baby. There are resourses out there, you just gotta find them.
Have you spoken to a social worker? Local churches? Local food banks? I know you live in a small town, but maybe someone knows about more programs to help you all. Be loud and nosy. The "squeeky wheel" and all that.
Your state has programs, you gotta do the research to find them. Get the book about government grants. I think it's called "free government money" or something like that. The one that stupid guy in the green suit with black question marks all over it sells on TV. That book is filled with programs to pay your rent, medicine, and everything you can think of. All you need is a handicap, or a handicapped kid. Seriously.
Also, contact the foundation associated with his disease. They sometimes have resourses for families. Example: my uncle was in kidney failure, contacted the kidney foundation and got all his medical expenses taken care of.
You have to do the research and find the places. Then they have you fill out reams of papers and stand on your head and spit (exageration, you know what I mean). But they can get you what you need.
Contact the department of Children and Families. Or whatever it's called in your state. They can help you too.
Sometimes you can put your kid in foster care temporarily, giving you time to get everything back in order. Beware though, once in foster care, the state has a hard time giving kids back. It might be an option though.
I'm so sorry for your trouble. I don't know if you are Faithful, but I'm praying for you.
2006-09-24 05:53:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That’s a very tough decision; however I can tell you love your son deeply. Being a good parents is doing what’s best for your child, sacrifice things for them, which is seems clear you are. This is something you and your husband will have to ultimately decide.
There would be some people willing to take in a child with special needs most of them are older. I read an article of a woman who had adopted 5 special needs children. It true that a special needs child isn’t always the easiest to place but the same can be said of older children and even mixed kids.
There are other options you could temporarily give guardianship to a relative or a close friend who would be willing, in till you all can get back on your feet. What skills does your spouse have, would finding a job else where be an option for you all?
If you do go with adoption now a days you can go with an open adoption so you’d still be able to be in his life, get some photos, letters and visitation.
If you feel you need an ear to talk to feel free to email me spirit_shurtugal@yahoo.com
2006-09-24 12:19:55 · answer #2 · answered by Spread Peace and Love 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi,
I hope that what I am about to say is of help to you. Please do not give your baby up for adoption. You will most likely regret this decision later on in your life. I have a one year old son and a new daughter. Only 15 months between children. My daughter was born with a severe health problem, had surgery at one week of age and needs to have special medical care for now on, not her fault. My husband and I live in an apartment and the kids do quite well with this. You do not have to live in a house to be a good parent. I know that you want the best for your son. There are other programs that can help pay for your son's needs. That is too bad that your state health insurance does not pay for prescriptions. That must be hard. I would contact your local case worker through the state or a community social worker. Depending on what your son's "special need" is there are special agencies for almost any disorder or disability. For example, there is an autism support group that helps to pay for needed items for children with autism. Hope that I have helped.
2006-09-24 05:36:14 · answer #3 · answered by Justme 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Take a breath and calm down. Aren't there resources out there you can turn too? Is there a 4 C's agency that could help you? As for government aide, why won't they pay for daycare?
Look the state should help you with some of your problems. If you husband isn't working and niether are you. ALl you should have to do is go down to your local family independence agency and file for help. They ought to be able to give you cash assistance food stamps and insurance...plus daycare. Here in michigan if you file for cash assistance and don't have a job they make you attend work first. Which is a program that will help you both find a job...and they give you gas money to look for a job and will fix your car and everything. They will pay for daycare so you can go to work first.
And your local 4C office should hlep you find daycare suitable for your needs. There are plenty of daycares that take on speical needs children. And as a matter of fact, it is against the law for any daycare to refuse you service.
I understand that you are feeling depressed right now. I too have been in a situation like this. I was very young and just had a baby and my mom was an alcoholic. We got evicted and she went her way and I went mine. i was only 16. I wasn't in school. Couldn't get a job. Had no help. I felt alone. I was with my boyfriend but he was in the same boat i was. So we went into a local shelter and they really helped us out. They helped us find a place to live and gave us all the stuff we needed for the apt.
The state will even help with a car if one of you is working full time.
Things can only get better once you reach rock bottom.
I completely understand how stressed you are but don't make a mistake and put your son up for adoption. I know you want the best for him. And as long as you are giving your best that is good enough. As long as he has somewhere to live, food to eat, a clean diaper...his proper meds...he will be ok.
Please check into your local resources. And call some local churches. Don't be embarrassed to explain your situation.
Remember once you reach rock bottom things can only get better.
2006-09-24 06:06:24 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First I'm sorry about your situation. It really does sound like right now things are bad. You have to understand no one should give you advice on placing your child up for adoption. I understand you want the best for your baby, we all want the best for our children. Have you talked with some of the adoption agencies? You said your child is a "special needs " child, have you asked what are his chances of being adopted are? I know this may sound harsh but some people might not want to take on that much of a responsibility. You are a strong woman for having done so, but it's part of being a parent. Is there a chance you are just overwhelmed by the situation you are in? Have you contacted any special needs services that could help you out financially right now or help with the medical cost? If you are set on placing him for adoption, how about an open adoption so you could still have contact with him. It's obvious you love you son. This isn't going to be an easy decision and I wouldn't want to be in you shoes. I'll be praying for you and your family.
2006-09-24 05:38:37 · answer #5 · answered by loopy lizzy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The biggest problem with that is most people want a perfect baby so if you put a "special needs" child up for adoption isn't not very good chances that he will be adopted. I used to work at a home for mentally challenged adults and it is very hard to find folks willing to work there forget folks wanting to raise one round the clock.
Try looking into scocial security or disability money, also welfare and unemployment. Also when you can get online look at job sites for other areas and try to find a job in a better location then if one of you can find a job put everything into a vehicle (just has to be good enough to get you to the new city) and live out of the vehicle till you have more money. Life will still suck for a while but things could get better if you are persistant.
If you really can't get anywhere in the next 6 months then if you have thought it all through and still want to try to put him into a home where you can still visit him. It's not wrong to put him up for adoption, he will get better medical care and food but he's not likely to live happily ever after like you'd hope. You could try and see if a home can take him for a while till you and your husband can get back on your feet then take him back again.
2006-09-24 07:08:51 · answer #6 · answered by PrincessB 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
O.k...i deeply think u should keep ur only son. Never give up and have faith. I know it can be hard but u have each other for strength.Why dont u ask frends or family for support? Or move somewhere more where its reliable in medical care? And your husband should try to find a job. You must keep trying for ur sons sake;i mean lets say u DID put him up for adoption as a ultimate last resort. In the future to come, when you and ur husband work things out and can provide him, won't u want him back?? I've heard that its rarely possible to get an adopted child back. I really hope everything works out, for your story has really melted my teenage heart which rarely happens.
2006-09-24 06:02:04 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I cant help you decide whether or not to put your baby up for adoption; however, there is help out there. Some of the things, I would try is (1) Social Security Ad--maybe because of your husband's disability and your child's special needs you could get SSI. Also, you said that your husband has a military service disability, have you tried the VA--you do not have to be 100% disabled to get a partial pension from the VA. Also, go to or call the Department of Family and Children's Svcs. they could get you other sources of help. Maybe they know whether or not the manufacturer of your baby's formula will give you a discount or furnish the formula free. Also, talk to your regilious leader, maybe there is something the church can do to help . Good luck and let us know if 3-4 months how everything is
2006-09-24 05:47:29 · answer #8 · answered by bettyswestbrook 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Long story short is that you need to gather as much data (hard facts and info) as possible.
Contact ANYONE and EVERYONE who might have an idea about how to get help. The phone book, the State, the doctor's offices, Navy Relief, your local churches and government representatives. Hell, call the damn newspaper if you're having trouble finding info.
I can't tell you WHAT to do, but if it were me, I would be trying to get as much info as possible to help that child.
And don't forget yourself. You need to be in good health to care for him. This means that you need to EAT and go to the doctor, etc. Same for your husband.
There's no guarantee that he will get BETTER care with someone else, so I'd make sure I tried everything possible to research ALL the options.
Can you prove that you were renting to own? Then call Legal Aid. Ask them to go to the Estate and see if something can be worked out. Is there a Veteran's Group (VFW, etc.) near you? Can they refer you to help?
Don't know what state you're in, but our state library system has a service where librarians will answer questions and research the answers. They also have many pamphlets for the local aid agencies in the lobby.
Ronald McDonald charities may also help.
Best of luck with this situation.
2006-09-27 20:11:10 · answer #9 · answered by AD J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I could just give you a long - appropriate - hug. Or a lot of money. I can just imagine the stress you and your husband are under. It must seem like these bad times will never end. They always do, tho - the variable is how long can we hang on?
Can you go to the state and talk about sharing custody with him so he will qualify for aid? I understand people do that. Also, almost all states have health insurance for children programs. In addition, you should try to get some churches to put their money with their mouths are and cough up some assistance for you.
Do you have freecycle through Yahoo Groups in your community? You can ask for a car through that. Check Yahoo Groups.
If you will post your region and his special need, I will do all the research I can to find you some resources.
If you gave up your child, you would be repeating a cycle in your life that I think would always bring your heart ache. Also, his heart ache would always be there, for he is old enough to remember and miss you forever.
2006-09-24 15:33:56 · answer #10 · answered by cassandra 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋