I have been in an on-going battle with my ex since my daughter was 2. I have done all that I can to provide for her. I have tried to be a good father and bond with her. But many years ago the ex moved my daughter to north Florida with her 2nd husband.
She later moved to south Florida with her 3rd husband. Since then the problems only seem to get worse. The ex has done more and more to isolate me from my daughter. The ex fills her head with who knows and making it harder for me to be her dad.
Now that my daughter is 15 I recognize the need to have time away. But I still would like for her to be around. I try and talk with her everyday, but the conversations are cryptic at best. Usually limited to yes and no answers (yes typical teen).
I do everything I can to not bad mouth her mother, but it is getting harder with her subversive ways to isolate me from her. I try and give my daughter space, but I can't seem to reach her to talk with her. I love her so much.
2006-09-24 05:05:48 · 17 answers · asked by Eddie 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
She's a good kid and makes good grades. She seems fairly well adjusted and has many friends.
It's obvious that things are strained, but I don't know why or what is going on. I have tried sitting down with her and talking, but it seems that I get the usual cryptic answers which comes down to "nothing is wrong."
I sometimes wonder if she loves me. Her affection is only given when I initiate it. I tell her that I love her and support her. I'm always asking about school, etc trying to find a bond.
The only time I seem to have her back is when she is not around her mother so much.
Any answers?
2006-09-24 05:10:06 · update #1
Let your daughter know that you love her and that you are here to be supportive of her and if she ever needs to vent about life she can with you but I would not bad mouth the ex this puts your daugther in the middle and no kid likes to feel that way at all whatever your ex told her you can show her by actions and continue to be there for her although teens like to have their space a caring parent is always weclomed no matter what the age the daughter may be at good luck to you - you sound like a great dad !
2006-09-24 05:10:41 · answer #1 · answered by AngelVirgo9206 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have shown phenomenal endurance in the face of all the obstactles between you and your child. Even though your daughter is using a one word vocabulary right now (yes, typical teen) she still expects to be able to "yeah", "ok", "fine" with you every night. Don't sweat what she's being told because at this point in life she is smarter than God. She knows you've been faithful to being there for her. She's not going to want to leave her friends at this age. Maybe you could vacation close to her home and have her stay with you for awhile. You can cart her here and there and get a real feel for where she's at in life. Then your conversations will have more relavance to her when you do talk. She will understand that you want time with her and still respect her social life. She will understand that you will always be there for her and that she can always turn to you. You're her dad. Its an unbreakable bond. She hears the other kids talk when they gripe that their dads just disappeared out of their lives. The relationship that evolves as a child grows up and becomes an adult lasts forever. You've done the right things. Just keep doing what you've been doing and she will come to you when she no longer has a child's loyalty to her mother.
2006-09-24 05:21:25 · answer #2 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For starters you are a good dad you've just had some hit some big pumps along the way. I left with my daughter 4 years ago as not to fight all the time in front of my child He hasn't tried to contact us in 3 years, so you are good,
I agree don't bad mouth her mom, it puts you on her level (moms) just keep letting her know your there if she needs anything. Keep your interest in her school, friends, etc.......she will will realize what the truth is she will ask one day, we all really want to know what happened when things have gone wrong. Love her show you care. It will take time, remember she wasn't told things over night she is at an age that is confusing anyway just give her time I'm sure it's hard on you
2006-09-24 05:40:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Friend, There is Nothing in this world which is impossible. But you can not run everythig in your own way. If so you may be called Hitller. Love is peace. So it does not matter that your Child Lives with your ex or any one. Your main aim should be that she is not hearted by you or your activities. If she does not want to live with you say to her that Your Father is Always with you any where anytime whenever there is need or trouble. You may call me without hesitation.
one thing i Want to tell you that " before the right time & more than luck you can not get ". Luck is made by your work and efforts. So do your best to your Child.
2006-09-24 06:04:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her if she would like to spend a weekend or even a week with you. Plan some really fun things for her and yourself to do. Show her you are willing to do new things and let her make some suggestions on what to do. Take her shopping and let her find out you are a really cool and loving dad! I remember when my parents got divorced and I lived with my dad. I was the same way when I went around my mom. I was 13 when they got divorced. Thing was, once I found my own space at my moms and found things that were cool for me to do I started to enjoy myself and open up a little more. I was never close to my mom, even as a child, so it was really hard to open up. Thing is, your daughter isnt a child either, she is a teen who wants to do teen things. She has to know that she has that space with you and you are really cool to be with. I hope everything goes well for you. Best of Luck!
2006-09-24 05:23:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right in saying she's a typical teen.
She's at an age where she has a mind of her own now. Just continue to talk to her and she will decide for herself how she feels about you. She should not be impressionable to what her mother says about you at 15yo. Just tell her, "honey, you know how much I love you. No, you couldn't possible know how much I love you because there's no way to comprehend that much love..." Or something like that. Sorry, not good at this teen stuff. Only going by my experiences as a teen & what I've seen in my own family.
You are doing the right thing by trying to talk to her everyday. She won't have much to say because parents aren't cool to her right now, just keep that in mind. No matter how much she loves you, you just ain't cool. :-)
Ask her about school, after school activities, what she wants for Christmas, if you can see her around Thanksgiving.....
Good Luck
2006-09-24 05:14:29 · answer #6 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is happening is bull. You should be able to talk to you daughter. She has had a couple of different men in her life now and she is, if she isn't already, going to start acting out. You didn't want her to get in any kind of trouble do you. Keep doing your best and talk to her. Get her for a weekend and try to have a heart to heart. Let her say whatever is on her mind no matter how hard it is. She may hate you but you will know why and you can explain it to her yourself. You daughter know what you are trying to to. Don't give up:)
2006-09-24 05:14:10 · answer #7 · answered by Young Momma 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. My husband and I are going through the same thing with his two children (ages 6 and 11). All you can do is to continue being the father you're being, talking with her and letting her know you love her. You're daughter will leave the teenage years and hopefully she'll get to know you on her own terms and not her mothers. Be patient! Kids have a way of figuring things out for themselves.
2006-09-24 05:11:02 · answer #8 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask her about the new step father. I hope I'm wrong, but isolation is the first step an abuser uses. She has friends? That's good, she's probably ok then. She may just not know how to act around you. She's not used to after all. When you have visitation, have an outing planned. It's easier to be relaxed around you that way.
2006-09-24 05:14:42 · answer #9 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Daughters leave the earth around the age of ten. They come back into their fathers' lives in full around the age of 21. Of course they "need" money then but that is the time to really have a relationship with them. Remember you cannot change what destiny has in store for them. You get what they have in store for you though if your're there.
2006-09-24 05:28:10 · answer #10 · answered by TMAC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋