am I being selfish but I want my career back?

Question

I love my kids and would do anything for them but now feel I need to regain my self worth and re-establish my career. I have been given an opportunity that means I would still be here for them after school 4 out of 5 days. I am worried that my youngest is just starting nursery and will feel abandoned. Don't know what to do

Answer 1

I don't feel that it is selfish to want to return to your career, as long as you are doing it for the right reasons. I was able to ease back into work slowly after having my second child and took a year and a half off after my 3rd child. I recently decided to return to work from 9-2. My oldest is in school, my middle child is in pre-K from 9-2 (and loves it!), and my youngest goes to a private daycare from 8:30-2:30 (I worried the most about her, as she has never been without me. However, she cries briefly when I drop her off and is then happy to play with the other children and toys, she also naps 12:30-2:30. We established a routine so she knows what to expect, she always takes her favorite bear and her book of the week, she knows that I will be there after nap). I love my kids and love spending time with them, but I also love my career (special education teacher/child development specialist). After over a year at home, I found that I missed that part of my life. I feel that I am a better mother when I have that area of my life fulfilled- I miss my kids when I am at work and it makes my time even more special with them. They are also having different needs met and are able to spend time with children their own age. If any of my children didn't appear to be happy with the arrangements, I would reassess the situation. But for now, they are happy and I am happier. Your children will be able to sense if you are not truly happy and this will affect your relationship with them. Do what you feel is best for your family. Good luck!

Answer 2

Don't guilt yourself on this. I found myself in the same situatiion. Bottom line here is if you are not happy your kids will pay the price. You will hear that to be a good mom you must stay home. It doesn't work for all people all the time. Being home after school is a big deal. My youngest was in day care the most and is the most driven intellectually of all of them. Going to the bathroom by yourself and really taking a 10 min break as you will at work, really feels good. The adult conversation I'm sure you've missed also.
I've done it all ways, work part time, days, nights, not worked, worked full time, and there is no perfect. What will work for you now may not work in 5 years. Do whatever works best for you and as long as you don't neglect your kids, they will benefit from your happiness.

Answer 3

Don't let anyone make you feel bad about feeling this way!!!

I think to be a good mum you have to have a good sense of identity and self worth, if you are ready to go back into the workplace after being a stay at home mum, GOOD FOR YOU!

There are many schools now that have afterschool clubs etc that are there to help parents with childcare if they are working, see if your school has one for the day you need it.


Your kids will be fine, you will gain fulfilment out of your work and get that much needed break during the day and this will make a better home life for you and your kids, not to mention the extra cash!!

Just to let you know i went back to work when my daughter was 2 months old as i am a single parent, she is a fab kid and very bright......although i work my hours enable me to take her and pick her up from school each day she is now 6.

Answer 4

Going back to work/re-establishing your career is tough on so many fronts. Reassure your child that both of you are starting new chapters in your life. Set aside some special time at the end of the day for both of you to exchange what events took place in your day - this should go a long way in helping both of you feel that you're still sharing a great deal with each other.

And by the way, I was a child of a mother who did just what you are doing and I turned out okay :).

Here are some interesting links that I found:
http://www.clubmom.com/display/162048?fromModule=topnav&fromPage=205631

http://www.jobsandmoms.com/august2005/after_divorce.html

Answer 5

If we were all living the lives of Posh and Becks, that would be great. However, real lives of us 'commoners' are somewhat different and we need to work. You have done a great job, but it is time to do what feels right. I've been back at work for a month now and my boy is 4 months old. I miss him and think of him the whole day, but the reason I am back at work is so that I ensure he has all the things in life and never has to struggle. You would have a good balance of both the family and work, so go for it. You have to 'let go' at some stage. The longer you leave it, it will be harder for you to go back and be accepted in the world of work, especially as you are a woman and a mother. Fact.

Answer 6

id say go 4 it, at the end of the day ur gonna b there 4 ur kids just explain to them all that ure a human as well as a mother and remind them u love them. I would love to go back to work but my littlen cant be away from me for more than 5 mins take the oppurtunity and see how it goes, u can always change ur mind after. Better to have done and regret than not to.
Good luck im sure ull make the right choice

Answer 7

It is very hard in todays time not too have a two income family. I believe that children gain alot from being placed with other children that are not siblings. Reassure your little one each day that you will be back in a few hours to pick him/her up. Don't let them see you upset, the first time I left my little girl at the sitters she was screaming bloody murder as I walked out the door. I closed the door and stood outside and within a couple of minutes I could hear her playing. Keep Him/her to a schedule this helps calm their fears when new things are happening.

Answer 8

Why not wait a little longer?

Why don't you feel self worth as a stay-at-home mum? It's the greatest privilege we can have, and if finances allow why would you want to give that up? Remember, children get poorly (especially little ones just starting nursery!) - not many jobs are flexible enough to accomodate this. And then there are the holidays...

Answer 9

Your children will need you to be there when they come home. But if you want to buy them things then you need money. The time when the children are in school is the time you must set aside for you to take on a course to keep up to date with the work environment. This will give you a chance to meet with other parent who are on these courses learning about computer or office procedures.
These course are free and run in the times of school times for mothers. These include job search for job in the times that you require.

Answer 10

Hmmm - I can see why you're worried re the little nursery one. Isn't it a pity this opportunity didn't come a little later on in the year? I think it depends on how he's settling down - if well, then go for it. If not, then I'd put it on hold for a bit.