OK a relative was my maid of honer at my wedding and it was the worst experience. She did not help in any way at all and she never threw me a bachelorette party or give a toast at the wedding. All she did was walk down the isle and help her mother with the bridal shower. I spent about 500.00 on her gift and make-up. Now she is getting married. I was glad to find out that I was not asked to be in her bridal party. Her engagement party is coming up and I do not know what to give. Prior to getting the invitation my husband and i gave her and her fiance a card with 100.00. Do we even give her another gift or what is appropriate? And yes I am still harboring the bad vibes tords her about my wedding however I understand I need to get over it. But I think yall should understand the situation fully. Thanks!!!!
2006-09-24 01:18:41 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
OK a relative was my maid of honer at my wedding and it was the worst experience. She did not help in any way at all and she never threw me a bachelorette party or give a toast at the wedding. All she did was walk down the isle and help her mother with the bridal shower. I spent about 500.00 on her gift and make-up. Now she is getting married. I was glad to find out that I was not asked to be in her bridal party. Her engagement party is coming up and I do not know what to give. Prior to getting the invitation my husband and i gave her and her fiance a card with 100.00. Do we even give her another gift or what is appropriate? Also she never gave me an engagement gift and her wedding gift was 200.00. And yes I am still harboring the bad vibes tords her about my wedding however I understand I need to get over it. But I think yall should understand the situation fully. Thanks!!!!
2006-09-24 01:27:12 · update #1
During the planning of a wedding all the way through the ceremony itself, mistakes and misunderstandings can and do happen.
First, give your relative a break. Was she made aware of your expectations of her as your maid of honor?
The $500 you spent on her was your choice. It seems that you place more emphasis on your money than sharing wedding happiness with loved ones.
Second, If you have already given her an engagement gift of $100 along with a card, you could give her a card with a note in it to tell her you hope she enjoys the earlier cash gift. It would be nice if you just gave a token inexpensive gift also.
Wish her happiness, and get on with your life, my dear. There are too many more important things in life to deal with than this.
2006-09-24 01:47:52 · answer #1 · answered by moekittykitty 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You and your husband gave them $100 as an engagement gift? If that was the case, you don't need to get them any more. Or, if you think you will feel odd by not getting her a shower gift, just get her something small...maybe a photo album, or a gift card to Victoria's Secret or something. (Keep it around $20) I totally understand why you harbor bad feelings because of her lack of enthusiasm about your special day. I had a similar thing happen with my wedding, and I admit, I haven't put it behind me yet. But, either graciously decline the invite by saying you already had plans that day or give a small gift if you do go. And just remember....don't go out of your way for her day.....she was IN your bridal party and didn't do anything for you, so you owe her nothing, plus she has no room to complain about it!
2006-09-24 11:17:27 · answer #2 · answered by bluez 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A card to express best wishes is good as your gift has already been sent. If you like, give her a small memento like a inexpensive picture frame and a card.
Also, at the wedding, I would not give here more than $100. If it were me, she would've got a $50 engagement gift, $50 wedding shower gift and $50 at wedding.
To me, your $100 gift was generous considering the circumstances.
2006-09-24 11:32:44 · answer #3 · answered by treday25 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one is REQUIRED to give anyone else a gift for their engagement, wedding, or any other occasion (the only exception being that people choosing to attend a shower must bring along a small, physical gift).
Making someone your maid of honor does not make them your servant. She seems to have fulfilled her role as maid of honor just fine, and she even threw you a shower.
You are harboring resentment towards her for absolutely no reason. Furthermore, I find this "tit-for-tat" sort of thinking, regarding who paid what for which and for whom, extremely vulgar. Gifts are given because people WANT to give a gift.
You may give her an additional wedding gift, or not, as you desire. It should be based on your own budget and affection for the couple, not on any other sort of "rule" or etiquette myth.
2006-09-24 19:04:59 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldnt give an engagement gift to any couple period. People already give gifts at the wedding. Sounds like she is looking for excuses to get presents. If she wants an engagement party then it should just be to celebrate her engagement eith people she cares about. If thats not good enough for her then too bad.
2006-09-24 10:57:44 · answer #5 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always remember that a gift is supposed to be something you WANT to give. If you don't want to, don't do it!
In case that doesn't solve the argument inside your head, I personally believe that one gift is enough.
Also, I disagree with EtiquetteGal, in that the traditional role of the MOH includes helping the bride with all of the pre-wedding planning, and in particular, includes planning the bridal shower.
2006-09-25 16:12:29 · answer #6 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to her registry and get her something small, like a measuring cup or something. Bring SOMETHING to a shower, even if it doesn't cost much.
I think it's very mature of you to get over your past experiences with your relative. My sister-in-law has acted the same way, only the dates are reversed. Her wedding was first and she treated all of us horribly. Now that it's our turn, she's jealous and won't even pay for the shoes, the make-up, the hair, OR come to the hen night. It's really annoying and depressing. Oh well though--family will be family!
2006-09-24 12:03:01 · answer #7 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so you and your husband gave her and her fiance $100.00 and got her a wedding gift on top of that? what does she need an engagement gift for? i would just get her a card and a good luck wish. i would say the $100 was the engagement gift.
2006-09-24 08:39:08 · answer #8 · answered by kjntkl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to give her another gift?? is it customery to get gifts when you get engaged, when you have your bachelorette party and when you get married??? if you need to get something why not just err...a voucer for an underwear shop. I agree with what you say though, too many bridesmaids are too busy looking at themselves to realise that they are their to hold your make up, sort your dress and hair out before photos and generally do whatever you need them to do. Have fun.
2006-09-24 11:08:12 · answer #9 · answered by aza 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would skip all the little extra stuff like the engagement party, bachelorette party, and just go to her wedding and give them a card with something in it (not too much though). trust me after she goes through the whole wedding process she will see how she messed up with you and probably feel like a hugh heel. unless she's just one of those oddball people, in which case i would do nothing for her
2006-09-24 13:55:55 · answer #10 · answered by Debbie C 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋