English Deutsch Français Italiano Español Português 繁體中文 Bahasa Indonesia Tiếng Việt ภาษาไทย
All categories

I've been talking to this guy I went to school with for a few months. We finally got together in person . I am really into him and want to persue a LTR with him. If we wind up having sex the next time, what kind of message will this give him? I don't want him to think I'm a slut!

2006-09-24 01:18:29 · 26 answers · asked by Jane D. 1 in Family & Relationships Singles & Dating

26 answers

I've seen it go both ways with different results. I've known female friends who have gone after their men with focussed determination to take them home, bed them and love them 'till they didn't want to go elsewhere. Some lasted, some didn't. I've seen women who held off sharing too much of themselves until the relationship and commitment grew: some married (my LT situation, though I could fit in some other categories also), but some men moved on.

I think the easier way to answer this is from the other side of the spectrum. What if you do go to bed with him and he moves on after? How will you feel about yourself and about him after if he moves on? Also, is there more to your relationship that just the sex?

One way of thinking is to say, I'll give in, make him love me and enjoy good sex and make him keep coming back. Another is to say, I want to build some foundation first, and if he keeps coming back based on that foundation of shared experiences, and 'love' (?), then he's more likely to stick around especially if and when you make love. Personally, I would normally advise to take the longer road, however, at 40, you're an adult. You know what you want and why wait? Also, and intending no offense, you many feel you don't have as much time but then again, he's single too at this age... so he shouldn't feel he has too much time either. If he's been married and now is not, he's likely looking to settle back down again. Research says the most discontented people are unmarried men.

Sorry, no definitive answer, but food for thought. Good luck!!

2006-09-24 01:43:43 · answer #1 · answered by Zorro Z 1 · 0 1

well Jane it all depends on how this guy feels about you. you say you have known him since high school and here it is you are 40 years old and run into him again. Were there a crush going back then or is it just the meeting an old classmate and hitting it off? I dont think sex on the 2nd date is too early but first it is best to know where the relationship is going before you jump into anything. And if he is the one making the move, he just might only want that. So before you put yourself out there to be hurt wait and see what he wants from this and how he might feel about you.

2006-09-24 01:27:25 · answer #2 · answered by chocolate 2 · 0 0

I am 49 (and proud of it), and believe that it is a woman's perogative to sleep with a man on the first, second, or third date, if she so chooses. However, I have also observed that men do not always agree with my belief, and will try to have sex with you on the first, second, or third date....but that does not mean they want a long term relationship with a woman who will do that. I think the old double standard really does exist in a guys mind these days. Not all men, but certainly most men over the age of 45 or so. So I would wait this one out just a bit more.

2006-09-24 01:26:35 · answer #3 · answered by littleflower_57 4 · 0 0

I think I would find out if a LTR is what he wants also. if it is then having sex on the second date is acceptable if that is what the two of you all want to share as long as you explain that this is not what you usually do but you are really feeling him. if a LTR is not what he is after then I would not because you will only go down as another notch on his belt and feel guilty after it is done.

2006-09-24 01:27:40 · answer #4 · answered by chocolatefancier 2 · 0 0

truthfully practice risk-free intercourse interior the destiny. It seems such as you have adequate rigidity already, yet provide marriage counseling a try. you have lots on your plate suitable now noticeably pondering the fact you're purely 26. Why no longer ask your spouse to initiate finding for a factor-time job for further earnings? purely use your credit enjoying cards in an emergency or final hotel. initiate paying down your expenses (smallest to greatest) and create an emergency fund by making use of saving funds each and each month. you need to additionally create a value selection and spending plan for the comprehensive month. you're probable overspending each and each month based on the earnings you have coming in and the enjoyed ones expenses. Do you have Fox enterprise community? Then watch Dave Ramsey and provide him a call? you desire a funds makeover for particular and this would restoration your marriage besides. financial issues are the selection a million clarification for divorce in u . s . a . at present.

2016-10-01 07:38:03 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0 0

Same old, same old. If you use sex to get someone and they let themselves be gotten with sex, what have you got? Someone who wants sex. There is no way to know whether the two of you are otherwise compatible. Don't get me wrong, if you want to jump into the sack go right ahead. Just understand that your knowledge of him and his knowledge of you is limited to one tiny, little part of a relationship. BTW, it would be my recommendation to worry a whole lot less about what he'll think of you and much more about satisfying yourself that the two of you are compatible and can connect is all the ways a man and woman should connect. If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy is VERY true.

2006-09-24 02:11:36 · answer #6 · answered by DelK 7 · 0 0

honey you need to wait and spend more time. im 37 and i take my time cuz im glad that i do this. cuz once i spend some time i found out that most of the guys were jeks and im glad i didnt give them my body. they will use you. men are very slick and will make you think one way about them until they get you in bed. then the chase is over and nothing to look forward too. so wait a while longer and see how you two communicate on a daily basis and see if he will stick around to love you for you not your body. good luck

2006-09-24 01:27:09 · answer #7 · answered by eaglestraces123 4 · 1 0

Having sex is special between two people that cares for one another. If the chemistry is there why be concerned that sex on the second date is to soon.

2006-09-24 01:21:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

it depends on u woman, but most girls like to wait till the second date, but since u said ur are over 40, u are pardoned. do as much as u can with him he is willing to stay too, cause he has known u for a long time and guys look for that kind of a thing in women, unless ur a ***** and he has been waiting for this opportunity to come his way as it has been for others.

2006-09-24 01:26:39 · answer #9 · answered by diji 3 · 0 0

sex shouldnt define a relationship...it shud be a bonus...in ur case u mention that u want to be in a long term relatioship, so sex shud be the least of ur concerns at this stage...work on getting to know one another first before getting intimate...the worst feeling is dissapointment and regret if uve slept with a guy too soon to find out he's not worth it...

2006-09-24 01:25:34 · answer #10 · answered by callmemisscutie 3 · 0 0

fedest.com, questions and answers