Question for all you men.....?

Question

At what point in a relationship do you actually see it as a relationship? What I mean is, when do you view the girl you've been dating as your 'girlfriend'...... weeks, months, years, what??
I've been dating someone for 6 months but he has never indicated whether it is more than just dating and has never introduced me as his 'girlfriend' to anyone. Yet when we're together he acts like we're a couple. When I mention anything he just clams up and won't talk about it. Need a male perspective please?

Just to add....
I'm 37 and he's 40. We live 100 miles apart but he calls twice a day and we see eachother at weekends (not always every weekend though). I'm just unsure where it's going and he always avoids the issue when I ask....it makes me feel like I'm being pushy when really, I'm not that type. I just wanted a male perspective on the unwillingness to talk...... please.

Answer 1

Hmmmm, tough call, here! You have a few things going for you. First, the fact that he keeps coming back "for 6 months" and that when you're together "he ascts like we're a couple."

It's hard to answer without knowing more information but I'll try. First, I'm assuming you're in the US. American relationships are so much more confusing and unpredictable. Second, I'm assuming he's not already married or hiding another relationship. If so, that could be why he's 'hiding' his feelings with regard to any commitment, as he's already 'committed' elsewhere.

The fact that he has never introduced you as his girlfriend goes both ways in my mind. It's possible that he is shy to say that as to do so, is sort of assuming on his part without some sort of acknowlegement or recognition of this in yours and his mind already. Second, to say so sort of commits him ... possibly more than he is willing to commit, or feel committed. I think commitment is the one thing that most guys avoid, unless or until they can't. Have you introduced him as your boyfriend to others? If so, and he still hasn't reciprocated, then I wonder... and worry.

Otherwise, the fact that he's still there after 6 months speaks quite a bit I say, especially in American society. It's possible that 'commitment' will grow when in time he realizes you are so much a part of his life and activities, that 'best friend' moves to 'wife'. That's what happened with me and my wife of 27 years, now. She let me keep haning around and we landed up doing so much together that I couldn't imagine not doing something or going somewhere without her. Eventually, I just realized it was time to make it formal.

If it doesn't happen to you in the same way, at least you've had a good friend and hopefully some good memories. Good luck!

Answer 2

Sweetie, I'm no guy but I saw an episode on Wedding Story (TLC) with this really cute policeman that did the same thing. He always introduced the girls he was with as friends or just someone he met to his mother. Then he met this really beautiful girl and she of all the string of others was the one and only girl ever introduced as his girlfriend. This guy was painting her toenails and all on national TV. He really fell hard. I suppose that she had or did something the others didn't. Probably in the standards department. She probably gave him a reasonable challenge.

My point is this. If after six (6) months he can't decide on making an investment, then he's stringing you along. Would you take so long to decide where you want a relationship to go? If you were in doubt you'd drop the confusion.

Move on you deserve better. Let the next guy know you are a gem unlike any other, challenge him a bit (guys like this game) and he'll find a really hard time getting anyone as wonderful as you are.

Answer 3

We men are not so different to women when it comes to relationships it’s just that women are more open and able to talk about there relationships with other women than a man can with another man…hope you understand this part of the answer.
After saying that though if he is in love with you he would have introduce you as his girlfriend long by now, are you sure it’s not just a sex relationship every time you date do you have sex or do he want sex every time you date, a good test is has he ever since you’ve been dating turned you down for sex, it’s not true that men are always up for it, we have the same sex urges as women and sometimes we don’t want sex at the same time as the woman does. Or maybe you are his first girlfriend and he is un-sure of how he should introduce you, have you tried to introduce him as your boyfriend and if so how do he react. I think next time you are alone with him you should ask him if he is happy in this relationship and insist on an answer saying you will not stop asking until you get an answer do not except a not response as the answer, tell him that if he does not give you a reply you will ask him the same question the next time you are out with his friends

Answer 4

Certainly the guy isn't quite sure wether you two are the matching pieces of a jigsaw. It easy and transparent in some relationships and it takes time to find it out in others.
Having said that, i think you've got that 'old fashion woman's insecurity' in you which means you need to know where you stand with him. If you like him just go along...
I can see him calling you his girlfriend even tomorrow,but in two years time you'll be posting a question on yahoo saying: 'I've been this guy's GIRLFRIEND for two and half years and he still hasn't asked me to marry him. Why and when should a boyfriend go down on his knee??, Is there a time schedule??' ...so, best of luck, do ask him the question whether you are a boyfriend and a girlfriend but at the same time remember that giving it a name won't change the relationship you are having at the moment or will it???

Answer 5

I'm not going to answer your question directly. Rather I'll tell you what I remember what I was like when I was between 18 and 25 I wanted to have a relationship and play the field, I think I was trying to massage my self esteem.I was very cautious about acknowledging a relationship. To be honest I was also just a little nervous with the ladies and I also wanted to know I was attractive to woman.......... the result was I couldn't settle with one lady as I needed to see if other woman thought I was attractive to them
I had another friend who was very popular with the ladies. He couldn't make up his mind either. He would give the message he was interested and then do something upsetting the latest lady. I also recall I was very sensitive to what my mates thought. There were some very good ladies I broke up with because they didn't get my mates approval. The good thing is I finally grew up! I suspect your boyfriend is doing what I and my mates did. I do know if you force the issue you will see him run for a mile. But what do you want, to be a "nice to have" hanger on? Look after your self, If the relationship is just friendship leave it there and move on. Find some one who really sees you as best mate and lover.

Answer 6

I think you might have a communication problem with you relationship.

I'm a guy and when it comes to girl friends I normally look at them in 2 ways - long term or short term propositions. When I consider a girl to be short term, she is generally aware of this too. We would generally have a highly sexual relationship with no commitment.

When it comes to long term, I am 110% devoted, I put her on a pedastel and am 110% proud of her and go out of my way to advertise her as the great person that she is and that she is my girl friend. Everybody has the pleasure of meeting her. She is my goddess, she gets the red carpet treatment, massage, pampering, dinners, holidays and most import is respect.

So I think you have a major issue if it has been 6 months and he has this issue. The guy obviuosly doesn't see you as long term or he does, but has a major issue with relationships and general communication. May be he is a control freek and sees this as a means of controlling you. If its a control situation you need to be set free. Relationships are a two way street and require this understanding.

So girl I think you deserve better than this.

Confront him and open up the communication channels, If he doesn't open up I suggest set yourself free. There are plenty of good guys out there who will give you the respect you deserve.

I hope this helps you make a decision

Good luck

Answer 7

No girlfriend, you need a common sense perspective. I assume you two are sexually intimate. Damn how he acts, if he has not said your are his ONE and ONLY woman, you're not. Homeboy is getting the classic friends with benefits hook up. Frees him up to be with other chicks and actually be able to tell them "No, baby, I don't have a girl." Honestly, child. Wise up and get some self esteem. If just sleeping around is cool with you, then let it be. (And if that is your choice there really is nothing wrong with it.) But if you are the type that only sexes with one man at a time: YOUR man, then you need some straightening. You can sit him down and talk or just start dating other guys. If you start seeing other people, don't even tell him. After all, he is not your man, so why should you? If you talk, tell him hehas to say somethign or get out and don't bother coming back til he has enough balls to **** AND respect you.

Answer 8

sounds like he is afraid of commitment.

I say, after about the third date, if you guys expect to keep going with it, you are considered a couple. I think also, if you guys hang out alot, love each other AND TELL EACH OTHER THAT OFTEN, possibly cuddle and/or kiss, you can consider yourselves to be a couple, however it IS a mutual thing. You both need to agree on what exactly that means.

happy to help,

WolfMage, first class apprentice, gold level

Answer 9

You will never have that title until he actually asks you if you want it or tells you you have it. Period!
The reall question for you is, "whats in a name"?
If y'all are exclusive now, then I repeat, "whats in a name"?
If y'all aren't exclusive, then by you having the title of Girlfriend, would that change the way you treat the relationship or the way he treats the relationship. Cause again, even if you do get that title of Girlfriend, "whats in a name"? Do you want that title for YOU, or do you want that title for HIM?

Answer 10

Maybe he's nearvous or doesn't know how you will react when he tell people. Become more open to him and tell him you want the relationship to be public. Guys just can't wait to prove how much they love a girl in public.
I seriously can't see this being a relationship problem - keep it going...