I m 33 and my bf is 38,we have been together for 4 years, we love each other very much.My problem is I am the only daughter,my mum loves me a lot and depend on me almost everything.I know she is afraid of losing love from me,but I told her before that I will always put her first in my heart.Every little matter my bf made, she will make it very serious.She is easily get jealous and angry with me,which make me very sad till burst into tears.I told my bf to break off with me,because I feel bad to him too, he still insist on our relationship. Some times i really think of sacrifice my love and be her good girl forever !What should I do ?
2006-09-23 22:13:48 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You have only one choice, that's sort out with your bf and your mum, if your bf love you so much, he will be willing to do something extra that make the relationship between three of you work. Both of you have to put in extra effort, so that you can satisfy your mum, at the same time have your love.
2006-09-24 15:57:08 · answer #1 · answered by Tan D 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you should sit down with your mom and you bf at the same time and tell them how you're feeling. You need to prepare yourself and what you want to say before hand so they both know you are serious. Tell your mom that you love her, you'll always love her and be there for her, but that you're a grown woman and deserve a chance to live your own life. Let her know that if she ever needs anything you'll be just a phone call away, and that no matter who you decide to spend your life with, she will never lose any amount of love from you.
Tell the boyfriend that you feel you're taking away from his relationship with him by being with your mom, but that you don't really want to end things with him. Maybe suggest to him that each week you have a day that's just you and your mom, and then a day where it's just you and the bf. Maybe once a month you could do an outing with the three of you. Suggest that the two of them have dinner or spend a day together, get to know each other better.
Then give them a chance to share what they're thinking. Sometimes it's all about clearing the air. Your mom needs to know that she's putting you in the middle and that it's not fair to anyone involved. She needs to respect that you're grown. It's hard to let your children go, especially if it's your baby and you're very close to them. Don't cut off from her completely, but try to pull back a little. It'll be better for everyone in the long run.
2006-09-23 22:21:18 · answer #2 · answered by Megs 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
welcome to the band . . . ha . . . haa. seems your mum is like mine. " all the mothers in this world are the same"
your bf is right, continue with the relationship. you'll face the same problem the next time with a new bf?
face the problem together and win the confidence of mum. let mum knows, she's not loosing a daughter but a son-in-law and a damn good one too.
involve her with you and bf activities, not oo personal one of course . . .lol. make her part of the family than you planning one of your own.
she lacks the confidence and fear of loosing you and your companionship. everyone knows, once married, most of time and attention goes to the family especially when the new family comes in to the picture.
the fear is normal and everyone has it. try to understand her and bf must too.
last but not least . . . makes decisions with your head and not heart . . .ha . . .haa. you're not facing a rare but common problem. speak to someone with similiar problems and how they sucessfully handle it? failures also has a lesson to learn from?
good luck . . . patience and tolerance always win the day.
2006-09-24 13:12:39 · answer #3 · answered by dream_drifter05 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really intend to keep your mother "always . . .first in [your] heart", DO NOT marry. Your spouse should be first. That doesn't mean you will love your mother any less.
Your mother is using you. You need to grow up and stand on your own. If you keep being devoted to her needs while ignoring yours, you will have an empty lonely life when she is gone.
Your boyfriend either really loves you to put up with this or he is happy to be involved with someone he will never have to marry. The only way to find out is to start making decisions for yourself.
2006-09-24 07:06:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is a tough one cos as we become adults, i realise love relationships and family all go hand in hand. its not a good idea to make r/s wif mother go sour for sake of ur bf. b/f could well likely be part of ur family in time to come and therefore its truely worth considering if ur love life can co-exists harmoniously wif ur family. Ofcos its stupid to give up ur bf jus to b ur mummy's girl. U ought to decide if he's worth ur efforts to continue trying to reason out and make ur mom realise how u r treating this issue seriously and responsibly. if she genuinely wants the best for her daughter, she'll soon come to realise her own selfishness and insecurities. I know its difficult and it may take too long for ur happiness' sake. Some parents just don't realise their actions are jeopardising their children's life happiness. Hang in there and good luck :)
2006-09-23 23:24:51 · answer #5 · answered by crazyzzz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's appropriate for adults to choose their significant others over their parents. That doesn't mean stop having a relationship with your parents, it just means that your relationship with your partner takes priority over the one with your parents.
Your parents are your past and your partner is your future.
Choosing your parents over your lover would be like taking a step back into childhood.
2006-09-24 01:51:32 · answer #6 · answered by carobygirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to make a life for yourself. If you devote yourself to your mother, what will you do when she dies? It's selfish of your mother to expect you to sacrifice your own life for her. She sounds very co-dependent. You need to start setting some boundaries with her or else your life will be miserable.
2006-09-24 00:56:10 · answer #7 · answered by cheyennetomahawk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your mom needs comfort she may have her manopause so now he may facing depression, goin for a medical check up should be the first step .
secondly , since your mom loves so must explain ur heart to her and explain her that (your mom will not lose you after you got married) you also need a family and kids.
2006-09-24 02:53:53 · answer #8 · answered by may_minu 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your mum should accept the fact that sooner or later you will leave her somehow.talk to her.make her undertsand.if she were in your place i think she will feel the same way as you are now.you shouldnt sacrifice your love.its been four years now.
2006-09-23 22:50:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
time to cut the apron strings, i know moms can make us feel very guilty, mine does it too but you have a right to a life and love and cant sacrifice everything forever just for mommy....time to grow up and its time for her to let you.
2006-09-23 22:16:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋