I am 23 years old and have been engaged for over 2 years. I just recently gave my fiancée an ultimatum. I told him that he better marry me soon or I'm gone. I'm starting to feel like he doesn't really care if we are married or not (he's been married before). I don't want to be engaged for ten years and I don't want to be getting married when I'm in my 30's either. Was I wrong for this? I'm so torn on this one! Please help!!
2006-09-23 21:40:57 · 21 answers · asked by debbiethornberry007 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
No you are not wrong. After two years it is time for him to poop or get off the pot. He should at the very least give you a definite date for the wedding. If he is not serious you need to move on and find someone else.
2006-09-23 21:44:12 · answer #1 · answered by unforgettable_1 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ultimatums don't work. He will marry you when HE is ready. Forcing him to marry you before he's ready may backfire. What if he leaves you because he cannot commit right now? And if he does marry you, how will you know whether it was because he wanted to or because you pressured him to?
You're only 23. What is the rush? It isn't like you are on the verge of menopause. You're still YOUNG. In my opinion, rushing into marriage is one of the main reasons our divorce rate is so high now.
Oh well, too late now. You should have asked for advice BEFORE issuing the ultimatum. Good luck.
2006-09-24 05:00:39 · answer #2 · answered by ssbn598 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you were not wrong !
But the ultimatum may not work better. You need to learn him more. You may not be aware his personal goals in his mind. He may be thinking that he must marry you after attaining his goal so that both of you can live better together.
Try to learn what he is upto. Dont try to find negative reasons.
Your information says that you have already reached that level that you are willing to marry someone else other than this friend.
Better both of your parents must discuss and solve the matter peacefully.
Invite me soon on your wedding !
Athi says...................
2006-09-24 05:00:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did what you thought was best in the circumstances for you. You must follow through, though. I hope you defined "soon" to him, if not - do it, whether it is within a year, or.... Two years is plenty long enough to be engaged. Remember, if some guys are getting the "milk for free" they really don't see any reason to get married.....
2006-09-24 05:42:45 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DId you get engaged cos you wanted it? if so maybe he was just buying time. If you both wanted it then you are in your rights to ask him when he actually wants to get married.
If he decide's he doesnt though, are you prepared to live with the outcome?
How much older than you is he? does he have kids? all these factors could be making him gunshy.
Sit down and ask him to be honest about his intentions and how he's feeling about the whole marriage thing. If you cant do that then why would you even think of marrying each other?
2006-09-24 04:46:57 · answer #5 · answered by livachic2005 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Are you having sex? Why buy the cow when the milk is free? Move on and find a guy who will appreciate you with a ring and dedication. A 2 year engagement is laughable.
2006-09-24 04:50:46 · answer #6 · answered by Drgeeforce 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If that's how you feel, then you have every right to express it, it may be difficult for him, if he's been married before and it went wrong. Have a good heart to heart with him, get both of your feelings out in air, only once you've had it out with him and are aware of his intentions towards the wedding, must you decide what to do, don't take any action in leaving until you've had it out and are absolutely sure what the score is on his side, you may regret it if you dont and just give up!
2006-09-24 04:47:50 · answer #7 · answered by babygirl 1 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If he cannot step up to the plate and be a man and actually make a commitment why the heck would you want to marry him in the first place??? Move on honey. He is not a man, he has not grown up, is not ready for responsibility and is clueless. Great husband and Father material there! lol
2006-09-24 04:49:59 · answer #8 · answered by Island Queen 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If he is your fiance, that implies you have agreed to be married. That implies that you have set aside a specific time and place for that to happen.
Let him know this. If he won't commit to a time and place, then he is just playing you.
Until you are his wife, you are not required to submit to him biblically. So pushing this issue is not prohibited in any way.
2006-09-24 04:47:44 · answer #9 · answered by lovingdaddyof2 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all, YOU'RE 23!!! Go live your freakin' life and give him the boot. Wait until you are 30 or so to get married. Go get all the piss and vinegar out first. Trust me you won't be sorry in the future.
2006-09-24 04:47:07 · answer #10 · answered by rswdew 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋