I AM IN UAE AND HE IS IN BOMBAY. MY 6 YEARS DAUGHTER IS WITH ME. HIS THINKING IS WHEN HE WAS 3 YEARS WHY I LEFT HIM WITH INLAWS AND WHY AM I NOT LEAVING MY DAUGHTER. HE THINKS THAT WE DO NOT LOVE HIM AND ONLY THE DAUGHTER. DURING HIS LAST VISIT OVER HERE HE ASKED ME THIS QUESTION AND I REPLIED TO HIM THAT SHE IS A GIRL AND YOU ARE A BOY. BUT I LOVE YOU. HE HAS STARTED AGITATING IN HOUSE NOT LISTENING TO ANYBODY. SINCE HE IS NOT GOING TO SCHOOL FOR PAST 15 DAYS HIS SCHOOL YEAR WILL BE WASTED. WHAT SHOULD I DO IN THIS CIRCUMSTANCES. I CANNOT GO TO INDIA AS THE SITUATION OVER THERE DOES NOT PERMIT.
2006-09-23 21:34:07 · 14 answers · asked by Shahin S 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Home Schooling
I do not know or understand the complexities or your situation, so my ansewer is based on the info you have given.
I can understand why he must be agitated and confused! Think about the message you are putting across to him!
What are you trying to tell him, what are you trying to say when he questions your love because he was left behind and you answer "Because she is a girl and you are a boy"?! I don't even understand that answer, how can a little boy?
This does not answer his question, and probably sounds to him that being a girl is more desirable than being a boy, so a mother will always choose the girl child over her boy child. Which may logically lead him to think that you do love your daughter more than him. Perhaps this is your belief, but obviously your boy is smart enough to question this, as well as your answer.
The small problem is that he is not going to school, but it is very important that you find the reason WHY. This is the only way to help him AND work towards resolving the school issue and others now and in the future. Otherwise the cause will always be there and continue to cause the same problem, and probably to other problems.
Consider his self-esteem and emotional needs. He may be suffering from depression or something else, which can be very treatable in the early stages, and should be addressed with the help of a licensed Psychiatrist, Psychologist, or other therapist specializing in childrens care. You must be a part of helping him to feel better of himself as well. If you cannot be there, perhaps his father or in-laws can give hime the extra support he needs.
Consider a therapist as well to help you understand what is happening and how you can all learn to cope with the situation better.
I hope that things will work out for you, your family, and your boy.
नमस्ते
Namaste
2006-09-23 21:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Athena 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Bring your son to you. He is too old to ruin his future but he is still too young to understand your decision. Once you have him there for a while, you can show him you love and support him and his education. Let him see that he needs to be strong and that he will get a better education there. Tell him that each year he does well, he can come spend the summer with you. Also let him know that the 3 year old daughter will soon join him in India when she is old enough. Unless you have a preference at this time, or other plans for your daughter and your son can tell you are lying!
So: the children should be equally cared for. He feels abandoned and disadvantaged. Understand!
2006-09-24 07:22:17 · answer #2 · answered by schnikey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a very complicated situation. The best thing to do is to call him or write an email or letter, ask him to tell you what the problem really is with him not wanting to go to school.
depending on his age you should explain how hard it is to leave him there and that is very important for him to stay in school so he would have a better life when he grows up and not be obliged to leave his children because it's so hard. And because you love him you are working so hard to keep him living in the best standard and going to the best school. Stress always on the fact that u love him and that it's so hard for u leaving him, that u need him to be strong etc...Keep repeating it a lot.
Tell him that u need to work to provide him with a better education and a better life.
Tell him that u will visit him soon and bring him presents etc.
Try to find out if someone is hurting him (at school, at home etc...) maybe his sister is not the problem. Ask the people he is living with if anyone is hurting him in anyway.
Finally explain that his sister is not strong enough to stay behind and that he's stronger and older etc... show him how brave he is, give him examples how his sister is more fragile than he is.
I sure do hope it works out at the end with him. I sympathise with him cos my dad was away on business a lot and i kinda feel with him. But keep in touch with him weekly letter or emails or calls
2006-09-23 21:59:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
This sounds lke you have some famly issues you need to take care of. You need to have a better reason for leaving him with relavites in Bombay than the fact that he is a boy. That statement alone tells him you don't love him because of conditions he can't change.
I suggst you bring him to the UAE or go to India.
2006-09-23 21:46:51 · answer #4 · answered by coolmom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Situation is complex and as you say, he is not listening anyone. So you will have to keep your cool. You must have taken this decision after considering many points so do not bother much. Rather just think coolly and then react. I have few points.
- Do not take the matter very seriously.
- Never express your internal desire and aspiration to your child.
- Try to ask his views and do accordingly, if required you can lie to him that you will bring him at your place shortly, when academic year ends.
- Pl try to create some extracalicular activites for him in Mumbai so that he remain busy.
- Put him in some coaching institute to keep him busy for long time.
- Apprise him about his future, send him mail and gift. Chat with him whenever possible.
- Allow him to visit to other relative heer around Mumbai.
- Wait and watch for sometime.
s you have not mentioned the class he is in, but it does not matter. You can take few of the above steps. And relax!
2006-09-23 21:47:23 · answer #5 · answered by kamekish 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
why are you living apart? is it because you are working abroad?
explain to your son that the reason that you are living else where is because you want him and his sister to be finacially secure later so that they can educate themselves at a tertiary level (university etc.). also tell him that the reason you have left him in india is because he is a BIG boy and he can take care of himself. tell him that he has to go to school and study so that later on he can educate himself and get a good job because in this present society boys can't get anywhere in life if they do not study and get a good job- no woman will marry them and no one will have any respect for them. i don't particulary believe this (because i think some ppl can do well in life without going to university etc.), but if u want to get him to continue doing well in school then tell it to him- also i know that in India and other sub-continental countries education is the yard stick that measures EVERYONE!
also make sure that u keep motivating him, tell him how much you miss him, and give him a goal!
try and go back to india, don't live away from ur children for too long, it can lead to worse problems- but this is just my opinion and you must have ur reasons so therefore i am not judging you.
Good luck!
2006-09-23 22:15:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
How old is your? Think of ways to bring him to U.A.E. or if you can go back to India Let him be aware that you are doing your to change the situation ,and that you want to be with him. Keep communicating with. Best would be of course, to live together.
2006-09-25 01:46:38 · answer #7 · answered by mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
shop the whiskey for your self, by way of fact I actual have 2 little boys and that i stay below the effect of alcohol for many of the day and evening. The firecrackers would be helpful nevertheless. Throw in a duplicate of Hustler and a bow and arrow set and you will score important coolness factors.
2016-10-01 07:35:12 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because he thinks that you don't love him might make him think that you don't care; therefore, he does not care about himself or his education. He is at a point in his life where he wants to make you proud, but since he thinks that you aren't there for him, you don't love him. Be there for him. Go visit him.
...or maybe he is just rebelling...
2006-09-23 21:47:00 · answer #9 · answered by grumpyfiend 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he is small the option remainig for u is call him to UAE and admit him to any school there as i m from there i suggest u to admit him to sharjah indian school..
2006-09-27 06:19:29 · answer #10 · answered by $/\/@ZZY G@L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋