Here's the story, my dad was seeing a woman but he ran into my mom who he didn't see since his high school days and started dating (without the other girl knowing about it), he got my mom pregnant but left her and went back to his other one. After I was born, they did have a phone conversation, my mom told him that she had me but lied that the father was a different man, I think she did this because she was angry and felt that he disowned us. Seriously, how could a guy have sex with a woman and not think he impregnated her? I kind of feel that this is the truth and I'm very angry. I know all of you are thinking "why didn't he try looking for him back then after all this time?" but I had a lot of other problems I had to work on at the time. What do I do if he doesn't want anything to do with me, how can I still find out about the other half of my heritage? Do you have any stories of your own you can share?
2006-09-23 21:02:32 · 6 answers · asked by mike 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Yes, here is my story: My mom had me then my little sister about 2 years later with my father,.. they were never married. He broke up with her and kicked her out of the house..... I was too little to remember all this,.... then my mom found a wonderful man and he treated us like we were his own,,.... even though, we did'nt appreciate it at the time, me and my sister still wanted our "real dad",.... finally, we got in contact with him thru my uncle, who exchanged phone#s with him. My mom always said bad things about our dad and it always made us feel bad,... becuz we came from HIM. So, we had great expectations that when we would see him again,... he would be as happy as us..... well,...... he acted happy but he never looked for us,.... we always had to call him to see him. Finally, we got the picture and never called him again, and til this day, he has never called us either. We found out the hard way that he was everything my mom described him to be. But I DONT REGRET looking for him and seeing for MYSELF what type of person he was.... or is. I found out on my own. I dont blame you for wanting to do this, I wish you all the luck but please dont get expect too much,... like I did,.... becuz you might get surprised. And if he dont want nothing to do with you,... BELIEVE me,..... Its his loss.
2006-09-23 22:22:44 · answer #1 · answered by Photographer 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ouch! Well. i think there are a varity of things he could feel. He might be happy to know he had a son (and i think he may have always thought that maybe you were his) he may be upset that your mom lied about being your father, he may be angry that she got pregnant in the first place, or he may be a combination of all of them. There are other ways to find out about that side of your family. When you talk to him, see if his parents are still around, if you have aunts, uncles, cousins who would talk to you about where you came from. If he doesn't want anything to do with you? Realize that he's a jerk, and the one good thing he ever did was to give your mom you. It will hurt for a while (if this is his reaction, and i'm not saying it is, if it were me i'd want to know) but then one day you'll realize you don't need him. I sincerly hope everything goes over well.
2006-09-23 21:09:02 · answer #2 · answered by fireballfanaticgirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I put the blame on your mother...sorry.She had no right to keep any man from his son.I'm a woman,but I can't stand the games women play.It was your life..she,and he,gave you life.I don't know how your dad will take it.But put your-self in his shoes.Tell him..then give him some time to let the whole thing sink in.He's bound to go through all sort's of emotions.Tell this man..he is your Father..it's a man's right to know.
2006-09-23 22:39:35 · answer #3 · answered by Wishee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well maybe your father was a real player in those days and maybe now he has changed. Maybe you should talk to him. Stay in contact. Whats the worst it can do?? You could always ask him about it. And if he rejects you you still have tried!.
2006-09-23 21:09:10 · answer #4 · answered by dannieanne2006 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your mom told him someone else was the dad why would he think he was the dad. You are blaming him for something not his fault. Please don't be mad at everyone. They were young and did the best they could at the time. Especially if this guy is your birth father he was told he wasn't, so why be angry with him. Seriously, get over your anger with the guy for believing your mom. You mom said it was another guy. A woman can have sex with more than one partner so why wouldn't a guy believe her? Let go of your blame to him.
I gave birth to two boys and adopted a babygirl who is now 26 years old. She is the child of my heart. Her birth mother lied to her birth father and said the baby was the result of a one night stand. After the baby, now my daughter, was born the birth mother told the birth father that she had lied to him. This happens. Two very young adults concieve a child and aren't sure what to do. Please don't hate them. It isn't easy for someone young to have a child and raise them. My daughter's birth mother couldn't raise her and wanted her to have a loving family who could afford to feed her. Thus, she is now the child of my heart.
Does your mom know where this man is? And maybe she really did have sex with someone else and wasn't sure who was the father. Or maybe she didn't want to trap your birth dad in to a relationship that wouldn't be good. You can't change the past, but you can make your present and your future misserable. The choice is yours. I would suggest to step with loving caution in your efforts to meet your birth father. And don't be mad if he asks for a DNA test. This man has NOT set out to intentially ruin your life, he was told he wasn't the father and perhaps hasn't give it another thought. (and yes your mom could of gotten pregnant from another man) As far as he is concerned he doesn't have a son. Why should he?
You say yourself that your mother lied. And concerning disowning that is a subjective thing. An emotional reaction from a young pregnant woman. Please let go of this, it is destroying your peace of mind. But, Please work this out, this man might be wonderful and amazing.....or he might be a disappointment.....and either way that doesn't reflect who and what you are. You are an individual with your own choices. You definatly are genically related to two people but you can't totally define your whole life on their choices of the past.
If you confront this man with a hostil attitude he will bristle.
If you are kind and gentle he just might be thrilled to have a son.
Or, he might be thrilled about you but not want to add any new issues to his current family.
You can't control his reaction, but you can control your reactions and actions.
There isn't anything wrong with you working on connecting with him. You didn't look for him earlier becasue you weren't old enough to do so. You are a young man. Be just that, a man, and work on connecting with your birth father, but don't set up expectations that will lead you to disappointments. Be positive.
My daughter wanted to find her birth parents five years ago. I told her that I would help her do so. After a bit of time she told me that she was content with her adoptive parents and didn't feel like she needed to find the birth family. Either way I would of been there for her. She is an adult and old enough to make up her mind. I don't know what I would do in life without her. She was a very rebellous teenage but now matured into a lovely and wise woman.
I have two nephews who were adopted and they have met their birth familes, but they are definatly the children of my brother and his wife. Family isn't always about blood connections or genetics but about love and commitment.
You have this one life on earth. Don't blow it because of what your mother did or didn't do. Let it go or you will be misserable.
Have you gotten any counseling? Time to stop using words like
disowned. That is a stretch.........this guy was told that he wasn't the father. Don't blame him please. And don't blame your mother for the lie, there must be some reason for what she did, but that is the past. Don't give that past so much power. You have destructive tapes that play over and over again in your head. Time to rewrite those tapes in to something positive words.
2006-09-23 21:31:27 · answer #5 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ah.................ha
2006-09-23 21:04:42 · answer #6 · answered by 185 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋