Anyone else's child like this???

Question

My one year doesn't seem very attatched to me. I want through terrible axniety during my pregnancy and PP depression. While I was physically present , emotionally I was a mess. Now, I'm in therapy and my hormones are evening out. My daughter doesn't want me to hug or kiss her. She doesn't seek out my attention. She's happy to play by herself all the time. I've realized that I was not there for her in some very important ways (I didn't feel attached to her while I was depressed) in the beginning and I feel that this is why she's this way. I stayed home with her, took her for walks every day, gave her daily massages, nursed her for eight months, read to her, and worries over every little thing. I think she knew, though, that deep down things weren't right. She smiles but doesn't laugh very often. I try to hold her and she hates it. It breaks my heart and confidence as a mother. Does anyone else have a toddler with a similar personality or is this my fault?
Also, she is not autistic

Answer 1

No i don t have a toddler like that But i have been a parent for quite some time seems to me your child has picked up on the fact that maybe you pushed her away are were giving false signals to her they can pick up on that stuff trust me they can like a dog smells fear if i was u i would work extra hard to try and reestablish the bond between you 2 before it goes on too long and she feels uncomfortabl;e and untrusting towards you

Answer 2

That's a huge responsibility, and weight to be putting on a little child. Basicly, through your depression, it is your guilt that feels that you weren't there enough for her. Don't put the burden on her, to show attachment towards you. That is too much of a responsibility. YOu are the adult, true depression is deep and horrible, but as for that child, she was nursed, she was walked, loved, and worried over. She is none the wiser of the fact that you were going through a medical condition. And you took responsibility for the condition, and are receiving treatment. that is the best you can do. Those days are gone now, and you can't take them back. And if you were looking at it with dark colored glasses you would not be able to see that you were doing the best you could for her then. She may have the type of personality that doesn't require constant hands on. All you can do is be there for her now, the best that you can be. And don't beat yourself up over it. I am sure your daughter did not feel any less love from you. Just keep your head up high, and love your daughter for who she is. Often times, children at that age, like to play by themselves, so don't take it personally. Give yourself a break, for getting the help you need; and love your daughter as much as you can now. And don't put a bridge between you for issues you had as you were a new mom to her. Just love her unconditionally now.

Answer 3

This must be very hard, my heart goes out to you. As a mother in a lot of ways the same as you, I have an autistic son and 'typical' daughter. Lucy is very much more independant than Michael and more self confident. Although she does seek cuddles on occassion she doesn't seem to need it so much. Maybe, taking things slowly,developing little things you can do together. Starting with baths, stories, watching Tv. Not anything too heavy. Building up to time together at a zoo or park.
good luck
Best wishes
x

Answer 4

A child learns from the behaviour she witnesses around her. If she wasn't held much kissed cuddled,.talked to etc by you of course she isn't going to know how to express these emotions to you. You have to start afresh and show this little girl that she is the most loved thing in the world. Every minute of the day. Sounds like the little girl is depressed herself and is mimicking you. Take her to some playgroups where both of you can interact with other mum and children. Or if need be get some professional help. A small child shouldn't be so sad. Hope everything works out for you both.

Answer 5

I honestly didn't have this problem- but can I offer some advise? Give her time. Let her be who she is. Don't force her. Do what you like to do with her that you always have- take her for walks, massages, reading to her- but this time have feel feelings. Kids know what you are feeling better than yourself, they are so perceptive. She is probably confused because you are not the person she knew.

I have a little girl (4) who is not a mushy child. Some people take offense to it and some people allow her to be who she is. When she is ready to give you a kiss- she will AND it will mean a lot more because she really meant it.

One more thing- when she is sleeping and right before you go to bed, give her a kiss and tell her that you love her. Watch the smile that you get in her deep sleep. You will go to bed with a full heart.

Answer 6

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Answer 7

My 3 year old was just the same what i found was doing something simple twice a week with him just the two of you i found baking worked really well we would start with the packet of mix as it was quick so he would only stay a short time then we started from scratch now we do everything together when you are doing it ask if they would stir and join in the more you try the more she may help but dont give up it took 3 attemps to get him in the kitchen now i cant get him out.

Answer 8

She's soo young. She may have picked up at the time that there was something wrong with her mom BUT--you have to realize that babies- toddlers there attention span is the size of a pea. She's growing and moving own with her life just like you are now that things are smoothing out. You breast fed her, massaged her, read to her. Youre a GREATmom. Please dont down yourself. I was already on an anti-depressant when I got pregnant with my son, I stayed on it my whole pregn. And i had your worries. Yall are going to have a strong bond. just be patient and let be a 1 yr old. shes discovering so much and still will in the next few years. relax and keep on nurturing her the way you have.

Answer 9

sounds like you did everything right u stayed with her you gave her confidence by giving her time with you breastfeeding walks massages etc it sounds like she is just confident and doesn't need constant reassurance that you are there for her and constant attention she just has high self esteem bc you have stayed home with her and not left her she has no insecurities i stayed home with my son and gave him all my attention loved him more than n e thing in the world breast fed him until a month ago (only stopped cuzz i am pregnant again) and he is 17 months now i have always been there for him and he has no worries that i will ever leave and is constantly trying to figure things out or on his own little missions they don't need constant entertainment these days lol but you know what moms are just not as exciting as dads lol we are tired and don't run around with them like maniacs lol or act super silly if you try acting super silly i am sure she'll love that put on music dance around all crazy get on all fours and chase her growling "eat her all up" lol then you'll see the big smiles

Answer 10

Dont be so hard on yourself. At her age she has alot on her plate. She has so much to learn and so little time. The next couple of years are very important ones. All you can do is show your love for her and see what happens. Children are very smart they can see and feel things adults cant. So be yourself and dont try to hard. She will know if you are being truthful. In time she will come around. My son had colic when he was born and was a very unhappy baby. I went through a divorce,moved, started college and started a full time job all before he turned one. It was alot to handle for him. Little ones can feel overwelmed too. Your daughter will see that you love her and care that is what matters.