Has anyone else denounced their parents? Forget inheritance, I can't stand them anymore. Am I terrible?

Question

I'm almost 50, but those two are sooo obtrusive, can't deal anymore. I'm looking for pros & cons.

Answer 1

Have you read Toxic Parents? It's by Dr. Susan Forward, it is really an amazing book. You need to do what you have to do for yourself. Some people are so awful to their own children that they have no redeeming value - serious!

Answer 2

You're 50 and doing this? And I thought I was bad disowning my father at 30 something. You aren't terrible. I just don't see why you've waited so long. And now that you are near the end, why not just stick it out...they aren't going to live forever ya know. Get the inheritance and consider it compensation for having to deal with them. If I was at your age, I would. But my father is only in his 50's and he's one of those that can never be pleased. Plus he's healthy as an ox, and will probably live well into his 90's. I couldn't stand 40 more years of not being good enough. It wears on you after awhile. But for you? You only have a few years of them left. Stick it out honey....visit on holidays and come up with really good excuses for the rest of the time they want to visit.

Answer 3

Its a great pity you have not learned at 50,to have a relationship
with them...without them affecting you.
Your Parents can have 2xheads....and it is still workable....
Try not to re-late to them, as most adults do!.....as if you were still their child of years gone by....
Parents are no way perfect, but by 50 one has had enough time...to work out,how to prevent a great deal of the problems...they may cause.Get info for how to handle parents,
in their years..Plus, I think it would be wonderful! if you can find some peace in all those yrs of unhappyness..with them.I understand they are hard work..I too have had the same, but once they are gone, you can't really heal...untill you face up to all the wrong..from both sides...You need that peace of mind..

Answer 4

You're an adult now. Why are you even asking this question? I ask as a parent who is younger than you - why haven't you cut the apron strings, if they're that obnoxious?

If it's because you really love them and you're just expressing your frustrations here, fine - I can understand that. However, if you are really at your wits' end, you need to sever the ties or at least set some boundaries and expect your parents to deal with you as an adult. Or, as I once said to my mom, "You'll always be my mother; it's your right - maybe even your duty - to let me know what you think, and offer your advice. ONCE. But I'm an adult now, with a family of my own. I'm obligated to listen, but it's MY right to ignore your wise advice and do what I damned well please."

Sometimes we treat strangers better than our own families. Treat your parents with courtesy and love, but be firm - set limits on their interactions with you, so that you can live your own life.

Answer 5

No, but you can limit contact to being cordial or honorable at least.
Some personality clashes cant be dealt with on a regular basis. Parents and their children move on to different thoughts, ideals, experiences, environment, etc., in many cases.
Just try to understand who/how they are and deal with it appropriately, as best you can.

Answer 6

You don't need to denounce your parents. You need to establish some clearer boundaries around yourself. Read the book called "Boundaries". It could change your life.

Answer 7

I did feel hateful towards my mother,when I put my brother in prison,she would tell my daughter and I that we should be ashamed of ourselves for putting him in prison!, my anger is still here me today from years ago,and my son, and my NEW husband he is just as angry as we are.But listen to me ok ?
Then January of 1993 my mother died of bone and brain cancer,to get over my anger and learn forgiveness when I got married I learned that forgiving her for her ignorance was a must.
Why ? Because I forgave my kids for things.
and I forgave my husband, and I forgave myself for ignorant things that they said, or done to me, or that I done, or said to them all.
God never promised us a rose garden if you have gone threw the same thing as me, forgive your mom,but if you are going threw the same thing as me right now,and your mom expects you to make you and your daughter or son spend dinner days and christmas with a child molestor, then NO DON'T FORGIVE HER.KEEP IN MIND KIDS COME 1ST,they ARE ONLY LITTLE ONE TIME,THATS IT. OK ? Read the bible every nite,pray,and hug your kids, or who ever she hurt love them,be there for them and don't let them down,grown or not grown,be all that you can be.
We only Live ONE TIME.LOVE HER IF SHE'S NOT BADGERING YOU ABOUT FORGIVING A CHILD MOLESTER IN THE FAMILY,THAT IS IF THIS IS YOUR CASE.
TRUST ME I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.I HAD A NERVOUSE BREAKDOWN.MY HUSBAND & SON BROUGHT ME OUT OF IT.I NEARLY DIED OF A BROKEN HEART.LIKE THE DOG THAT LAID DOWN IN THE STREET AND DIED BY THE OTHER DOG,TITLE OF MOVIE ?>"Where The Red Fern Grows".
I have had 3 nervouse breakdowns in my life time and 2 surgerys having two non cancerouse cyts removed !.
My 1st nervouse breakdown is when my daughter was abused by my brother just two weeks before her 6th birthday.I also had axiety attacks where it felt like all the sudden a rug was pulled out from uder my feet from thinking about the terrible thing that happened to my daughter.
My 2nd nervouse breakdown is when my mother died and my dad and my sister tricked me out of the house my mother gave to me,and then my sister told me we would be homeless !
My 3rd nervouse breakdown is when my daughter at age 16 decided to go live with her biological father,I kept reading her notes and she became a mansonite,it tore me in two,I collapsed on the floor crying,hanging onto her bed posts,Right there on the floor I thought I thought I was going to die of a broken heart,I could feel myself melting into a deep deep hard
cold pain I had never known before.
Then I met my husband and he bathed me and fed me and cuddled into me every day and nite.
I didn't want to wash even though I knew it was healthy.
I'm ok now,I have my husband and son and we have two cats,and I'm doing alot better,but if I lost my husband I would melt all over agin only much deeper.
As I said above we only live >"One Time' so pay attention make your life worth living,love alot.

Debbie

Answer 8

"Obtrusive"? Did they do something immoral or unethical, or do you just not like them? What would you denounce them for? Please clarify this.

Answer 9

I think it is you with the problem not them being one.