Do you feel its okay to have a pity party?

Question

This might be kinda long and I might have to add to it, but I wanted some input

My son is 2.5 yrs old, he's mildly autistic and all his friends parents know and so forth. Today we had to go to my sons little girlfriends birthday party. I got myself ready emotionally cause I know all the other kids will be playing with one another and talking it up but not my son, he'll run with them and or chase after them and then do his own thing.
Well my son and I were over at these monkey bar type climbing things, my son acted like he wanted to climb on them. So I helped him up and he was climbing it, I was behind him helping him and his little heart was just a racing! I was so proud of him and gave him lots of praise~
To us that is like climbing a mountain due to sensory issues. Well the birthday girls dad ( Who I dont like anyway ) was taking pictures of us and I was like that was great! He was like yeah " CINDY" ( his daughter ) she was doing that at one yrs old and now shes bored with

it.
I was like great and under my breath ( I was saying you stupid ahole ) In that moment the glory I felt for my son was shot down and again I was reminded
that this was always be a challenge to a certain degree. I felt like saying yeah your kid is adventurous that just means shes dumb and doesnt understand danger and or yeah your kid can talk like a 5 yr old but she doesnt know all her shapes and colors and word recognition, doesnt know how to add or even count backward at 3 yrs old, what does that say about your kid.
BUT I NEVER DO cause that's not the right thing to do.
Im sorry this is so long but writing makes me feel better. When I got home and everyone was napping, I just sat on the bathroom floor crying for my son. I hope he can do all those things that others can do but then again It really doesnt matter.
Sorry Ill just get to the point, IS it okay to have a pity party for yourself once in a while, especially when you cannot change the circumstances?

OLD? then why the hell answer, douche bag

we belong to several support groups

Answer 1

Do yourself a favor, dont sweat it! Your child is YOUR pride and joy! Everything your child does will stick with you and you will always praise them for it. Just like with the, how was it put, (lol) "ahole", he took pride in the fact that his daughter could do that. Just realize, every parent brags about their children. Most of them dont do it to knock you down, it's because they are proud. As you were proud of your son! My daughter just turned 3, my best friends daughter was born a month after my daughter. Danielle doesnt talk very well and has a serious problem (medical) with potty training so I dont really push the issue with her. My best friends daughter speaks like a five year old and has been potty trained for some time now. Fact is, it use to bother me, but it doesnt anymore. Its alright to have a self pity party, but just dont let it consume you! Your baby and his accomplishments should be all you care about. Let him know you are proud as you did at the party, and continue it. That mans daughter wont be close to you, but your son will always be there! Best of luck.

Answer 2

Sometimes people feel pity, but try not to have a pity party over it. Does that guy know your son is autistic? If so, he is an ahole, if not, next time he (or someone else) makes a comment like that, explain to them that your child is autistic & what it means - some people just don't know much about it. Don't let that comment dampen your parade, you have a right to feel so excited & happy about your sons achievement, he did a good job, no matter what someone else thinks. Don't let your son see you get upset, give him willpower, he's going to deal with stuff like that through is life (don't feel pity, these experiences will make him stronger), show him how to handle it by being strong & not caring what other people think. As long as he knows & feels like he did well, that's what matters. It's unfair to compare him to "Cindy" they learn differently and are smart at different things. Other people might not relize that, but you do, so you should compare how much he's improving from the past to now.

Answer 3

Yes it is just fine. You just go ahead! I do have them on the way home from work or in the shower. As long as you don't have them all the time and in front of others is what I think. If you have them all the time, you will be down all the time and you don't need that. Under your circumstances, you deserve to have them every now and then. Your son is special and don't let other people shoot down the special feelings you have when he hits a milestone. Those people don't matter. Just you being there for your son and praising him is what matters!!! Keep up the good work!!

Answer 4

ya know, sweetie, as a parent, there are MANY times that you find yourself in some sort of an emotional mess. you cant always put up a front and grin and bear it all, so yes, a self pity party is expected. the important thing is to keep it from the kiddos, who do not need to feel that way EVER! it's frustrating, and so emotional to raise children when others are forcing negative thoughts at you. way to go for your son! and, yes, cindy's dad does sound like a "T" Total "ahole"!

Answer 5

"pity party' is a ridiculous word. Stop evaluating yourself based on buzz words from other people's shallow perceptions. To cry is human. Your situation is difficult, and at times it washes over you. You cry. Then you get up and get on with things. There are days when your on top of the world as well. It works both ways. But, if you don't cry now and then, you're letting your son down, because not only are you repressing yourself, but you are going to project your fears of others onto him, making it harder for him to mount his social challenges. You need to be honest, strong and real and then you are his rock.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I know it is frustrating and you just want to throttle them, but good for you for not sinking to his level. My son was a preemie, and jsut turned 2 and people will ask me jow old he is and when I tell them they will make some kind of remark about how small he is, or what their kid is/was doing at the same age, and I ask them if their child was born 3 months early. Although he is catching up people are just basically ignorant and really need to watch what they say, especially to the parents of a child with challenges.

Answer 7

Of course it is all right, as long as you know how to throw one, Love. Some times you just got to let yourself go. Get it all out and recharge to come back stronger. There's a song I like about just exactly that by Chely Wright on her "Never Love You Enough" album. It's called "Deep Down Low" and it's about those times when you just have to cry and cry and cry to feel better. My favorite line is the chorus where she sings: "because the deep down low makes level feel so high...." I'll see if I can find the lyrics and add them here.

On another note, don't even let that thoughtless idiot (the other parent) ruin your victory. So God blessed him with a *normal* child? Great... God blessed YOU with a SPECIAL child and gave you the heart and strength and wisdom to be his mommy. You will feel things more deeply because they will sometimes be harder won victories than others have. But they ARE victories and no one can take that from you or your son. I would be willing to bet that man could not cope with the emotions or comprehend the information you have had to take in to best guide your son and understand autism. As my southern grandmother used to say, "Consider the source, Dahlin."

Now... go have your pity party (don't forget the kleenex and the chocolate!)... and keep being the special mom you are!!!

Here are the lyrics:

Artist: Chely Wright
Album: Never Love You Enough
Title: Deep Down Low

Everybody says don't lose your head
You gotta keep that pretty smile upon your face
Well i did that for awhile but it just was not my style
I kept endin' up in that forbidden place
I'm a happy woman but when i get knocked to the ground
I invite the blues to come around

So don't be afraid to cry get down as far as you can go
Let the river rage on by and the wind blow
If you pay your dues in darkness
You'll appreciate the light
'cause a deep down low makes level feel so high

I put on the saddest song ignore the telephone
I go ahead and cry the make-up from my eyes
I let my mind play tricks and then
I let it fool me once again
Into thinkin' that i'll never be alright

Then when i'm no longer crazy and i'm back to my old self
I realize how good i've always felt

So don't be afraid to cry get down as far as you can go
Let the river rage on by and the wind blow
If you pay your dues in darkness
You'll appreciate the light
'cause a deep down low makes level feel so high

Let yourself go under
Touch the bottom of the pool
Ain't it strange and don't you wonder
How you always come back up and it's so cool

So don't be afraid to cry get down as far as you can go
Let the river rage on by and the wind blow
If you pay your dues in darkness
You'll appreciate the light
'cause a deep down low makes level feel so high

Answer 8

I always say it is important to throw a pity party once in a while, as long as you don't impose it on anyone else.
You just have to remember that some parents are always obnoxious about their kids' "accomplishments" and he probably makes the same jerky comparisons with all other children he sees at the playground. He is obviously very insecure about his low level of human decency.

Answer 9

Of course it's okay as long as you don't do it often. The fact is, people are often unaware, or just plain insensitive to what parents of special needs kids have to endure. Chalk it up to ignorance and for goodness sake, don't take it personally. When reading your post, I was delighted to see that your son had friends and was included in their social activities. You are so blessed. Many parents have children who don't even have one friend and are never included in anything. Have a good cry, and then go on about your day. It's okay. :)

Answer 10

It is really hard not to compare you child to another child, but stop.
I have been where you are, and now he is in Gr.4. You will be amazed as he gets older what his special gift is. Really the last thing your child needs is your pity. If someone is insensitive to him...talk to your child about it, there will be lots of time when this will happen. Place no limits on your child and encourage him and be his biggest advocate. Good Luck, God will not throw anything at you that you can't handle.