I'm 16 & I would like to graduate from highschool,go to college, get a career established & be financially stable, & by the time I am 25-26, if i am not married I would like to adopt a child. Preferrably Domestically but it really doesn't matter. I just love kids so much & have always wanted them & I know I am way to young to have children now but when i get older i would like to have children, either biologically or through adoption. Is that wrong at all to purposely be a single parent? I mean it would be much better if I were married, both finacnially & emotionally, but if that doesn't happen, I just really want to have kids so I would then adopt. I know it would be exspensive but I would sacrfice my wants & needs for my kids in a heart beat. I already kind of know what method of parenting i want to use &I love names & have a list of names tha ti love the most.Also when I get a job or maybe sooner i will put money back for the kids college exc. But I would liek more than 1 kid.
2006-09-23 17:15:19 · 21 answers · asked by Carly 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Ok, let my verify incase it was alittle confusing, I dont want to purposely be a single parent but if i do not get a husband i would want kids anyways, and i wont have sex until marriage so i will adopt.
2006-09-23 17:18:22 · update #1
Well I guess the reason i am so 'well rounded' is because I have kind of had to grow up fast, I had to make decesions that my parents should fo made not me and I had to deal with alot of yelling & drinking. But now i live w/ my dad and its alot better. Its just my mom & her side of the family are horrible!Believe me, its just there is so much hate over there and bad mouthing. But my dad & his side of the family are great. If I told you my life you probably wouldnt believe it lol, there was no abuse or anything but it wasnt normal lol.
2006-09-23 17:42:25 · update #2
No, ofcourse not, I would never bring a child into the world purposely out of wedlock and without the consent of the father because that would like totally ruin a relationship or atleast strain it and it wouldn't be fair to the child or the father. Plus I'm not going to have sex until i am married, that is a promise, and I would never purposely get pregnant without my husband's consent either. Thanks for your comments so far. I liked all but one of them..hmmmmm.. wonder who that could be?! lol. Its fine if you disagree with me because we all have freedom of speech and have different views adn opinions.Thanks fo royur comments so far, hopfeully more people comment so I can see what even more people think. You all seem very nice.
2006-09-24 05:58:09 · update #3
sweetie, i see nothing wrong at all!!! in this day and age, most married couples end up single, anyway! the financial aspect would be easier, but not necessarily the emotional. i ALWAYS think that adoption is an awesome option! if i could afford to do it, i'd adopt now and give my own 4 children another sibling! you seem mature and "well rounded" for your goals and outlook on life, i'm certain that things will fall perfectly into place when the time comes! best of luck for your future!
2006-09-23 17:28:41 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A child needs a positive male and female role in their lives. I think it's great if you want to adopt a child who otherwise would not get a loving family.
However, it is morally wrong to purposefully bring a child into the world who would not have a MOM and DAD. It is selfish on the part of the single parent. You would be putting your own wants above the needs of a new life. Irresponsible, selfish and wrong.
I think you're a sweetheart! You will likely marry some great guy and have wonderful kids with him, but if you don't, adopt as many as you can afford (money, time, and emotionally wise).
Sounds like the guy above has a lot of hurt. Even his picture looks unhappy!! He is wrong about adoption being a terrible thing. He's using it as crutch, and I know MANY people who were adopted, some later in their childhood, and are now happy, adjusted, and have normal, happy, families of their own.
2006-09-24 01:31:08 · answer #2 · answered by Margie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It wouldn't kill you to wait a few more years, like say till age 30, to find a compatible mate than worrying about adopting out of some sort of biological clock ticking, especially since a lot can change from 16 to 30.
Instead of focusing on being a single parents, why not focus your passion for children into becoming a teacher, or child psychologist? Then you'll make a difference in hundreds of children's lives, instead of just your own. And you'll learn to be the best parent you could be when you do have kids.
I also want you to consider that your interest in children may be due to your fear of growing up yourself, and the overwhelming desire to have children is sometimes an effort to return to being a child and avoiding responsibility.
Also, giving a child up for adoption is a terrible thing, and the child you adopt will have terrible life long problems associated with being separated from their mother. Nothing you can do as an adoptive parent can make up for that loss. You'll have to selflessly accept that your adoptee will never trust you 100%, may not know what love is, and will someday seek his mother in order to ease his mind, though even that is too little too late. I know, because I was given up for adoption. The book, "Primal Wound" talks more about the effects of adoption.
2006-09-24 00:38:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I also have a dream of adopting, we are currently in process of a foster adopt. I wish there were more youths like you who don't put a lick into blood. A child is such a blessings, weather from you or someone else. You make us proud to think there are more young adults out there with a good head on your shoulders. I would only advise that you wait until you meet a man with your same dreams and goals (it will happen!) A two parent family is the best case scenario for a child.
By the way, domestic adoption, and over seas adoption can be very expensive. But if you adopt from your county, it's very reasonable.
Best of luck to you
2006-09-24 12:30:47 · answer #4 · answered by outdoor man 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing to remember about kids is that it lasts for life. You can't get rid of them when you don't want them and they are a full time commitment. I'm glad to hear that you are planning to wait. I had my son at 18, and though I don't regret any moment of his life, I do regret not having stabilized myself in life (being FRESH out of school) so that I could provide him with anything his heart desired.
As far as adoption or biological, either is good. Adoption is great because you have a chance to be someone important to a child who has been left to feel he isn't, and show them that they are the center of your universe. It may be hard to adopt as a single parent, but I don't feel being a single parent would be wrong. All that matters is the love that you give the child, and that you vow to care for them and protect them while they grow.
In the words of bush, stay the course, and when the time is right for your children, be it biologic or adopted, they will be brought into your life. Have patience and things will occur in time.
2006-09-24 00:27:12 · answer #5 · answered by juliett 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen, you're not necessarily in the wrong, I can understand your point of view. But girl, you are getting over your head. You have a long time to go before you need to be thinking this far down the road. You're thinking way to much about this. Get through school & find a good job first, than just wait and see what happens. As you grow older things & ideas change, just play it by ear. Save the children planning for later. Don't be in such a hurry, enjoy life in the now.
2006-09-24 00:26:03 · answer #6 · answered by tanner 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have big ideas now, but you're technically still a kid. You're talking about 10 years from now. You never know what will happen in 10 years. You could have 2 or 3 kids of your own.
To answer your question, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a single parent as long as you love the child and can provide for it.
2006-09-24 00:19:58 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a single Mom by choice of 3 great kids (one adopted and two biological) I chose to adopt first and have never regretted it for a second. My son who is chosen (adopted) is a special needs child and the type of parenting challenge that makes you realize that you can handle just about anything! He has been such a blessing that I decided to biologically have a child (just wanted the experience). My friend obliged and I had two bio-kids with him. I receive no child support from him and he is a part of their lives in a very small way (a decision we both came to prior to their births). I am in the process of looking to adopt another special needs child and I am hoping that we should have another member of the family within a year. I will tell you this, make sure that you have a secure income before starting a family since kids are expensive (but totally worth every penny). Best of luck and I do hope that you realize your Mom dreams!!!
2006-09-24 00:22:06 · answer #8 · answered by hippiemommy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well I honestly think that at 16 you are a bit young to be thinking about having children HOWEVER I understand your love for children. I think that your plan is great, finishing school, starting a career, and hopefully getting married before you start a family. If you don't decide to marry, I think adoption is a great option, there are so many children that NEED a home. I don't think it is necessary to be a couple to adopt, especially if you have your life in order. I say go for it!!
Good Luck!
2006-09-24 00:16:27 · answer #9 · answered by poetic princess 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong; it is not strange. It is wonderful and noble and lots of children in this world live happily with a single parent. And you dont have to be rich but you do have to be settled and secure in yourself. You don't want to put a child through chaotic insecurity. It's hard enough being a kid as it is. But you have to have a decent home to bring a child into to adopt. Social services will do a home study. Being a single person is not a problem but will you be able to afford a two bedroom home for your family? Will you be able to pay your rent, utilities, groceries, medical insurance, transportation, education accessories, clothing, and on and on and on? Taking on a child is a very intense and extreme commitment. You have to be ready.
2006-09-24 00:21:37 · answer #10 · answered by cmpbush 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋