Should I feel sad?

Question

When I was 11, My grandma was sick with lung cancer. One night my family went to visit her, and I didn't want to go because I was doing stupid things at home. So I stayed home and the rest of my family went. The next day, I realized I didn't have a lot of time with her left so I went and asked my dad, "Daddy, can we visit Grammy today?". He told my little sister who was 8 and me that she'd died. And I never got to see her. The last time I saw her, I never even got to say goodbye because she was sleeping.......My little sister burst into tears.....and I didn't cry...I couldn't cry......so I just sat there........

Answer 1

People morn in different ways. And what is done is done so you can't go back and change things. Do not beat yourself up for not going to visit your Grandma. Remember the good times with her and keep her memories alive. Go to her grave and visit her. I am sure she would like that.

Good luck!

Answer 2

You're certainly carrying an awfully big burden and I sense that the weight of this burden is taking quite a toll on you emotionally.

You know, when you're 11 years old, I'm not sure if you do stupid things; you just do things that eleven year-old children all do. Your grandmother is in a much better place now and she's looking down on you praying that you will forgive yourself and forget all about this. She loved you very much and she certainly knew how much you loved her and doesn't want you beating yourself up over this thing anymore. She wants you to remember her with happy and fond memories.

I'm not sure how old you are now, but you demonstrate a remarkable trait in character and sensitivity by owning up to your feelings about the unfortunate timing of this event.

I think it might help if sometime when your entire family is gathered together that you do go ahead and share these feelings with them and let them know honestly, just like you're doing here, about this burden of sadness and guilt that you've been carrying around for some time now. I'm sure they'll want to comfort you and probably already would have, had they known the effect that this unavoidable event was having on you and how you are blaming yourself.

By the way, you express yourself quite well. God bless you and may He give you and the rest of your family peace and comfort as you grieve the loss of your wonderful grandmother.

Answer 3

Sometimes it takes awhile for the emotions to surface. Talk to her tonight. Let her know how you really felt. I am sure she loved you and if she was so sick she may not have realized that you weren't even there.
Just sit in a quiet place think of her and share your feelings with her. As long as you can get it out of your system, you will feel better and whatever you do don't feel guilty about anything. We never know when things will happen and it will happen whether we are there are not.
Make sure you tell your parents that your are sorry for their loss and be there for them, being that it was their parent that died they are going to need your support, so make up for not being with your Grandma by being their for her child. That will make your Grandma happy.

Answer 4

You were 11. We all have regrets. Things like this happens to everyone in one way or another during their lives, even your grammy. You need closure, so why don't you take a day by yourself and visit grammy's grave and tell her how sad it makes you that you didn't see her on her last day here. She will understand.

Answer 5

Sadness will come in time, you are in shock or disbelief that it actually happened. Grieving takes different forms and has different stages. The same thing happened to my grama, she died and I did not spend a lot of time with her. I regret it, but I can't change it. Just keep remembering the good times you had together. I am sure she is in heaven and she understands you and does not hold it against you,

Answer 6

You can tell her in your mind that you are sorry. You were a child then, no one can blame you for what you did. I just hope this taught you a lesson that the time to tell people you love them and care for them, is when they are alive and well. That way if something happens (someone dies) and you don't get there on time, at least you know that they know you loved them.
Maybe a good cry now, will release you from your guilt. Again, I must repeat to you, you were just a child, don't blame yourself. Release it, let it go.

Answer 7

Doesn't it help, that your memories of her are fond, happy memories? I know for a fact, that your Grammy, would want you to remember the good times that you shared! There are so many decisions we make throughout our lives, that we look back and wish we could do over. But, we can't live in the past. Just keep loving thoughts of your Grammy in your heart,and keep on keeping on, as she would have wanted you to.

Answer 8

Don’t let it get to you, OK…
You were young and having fun…
You weren’t to know that your grandma was going to die before you had the chance to see her again.
Perhaps the reason you couldn’t ‘cry’ was because you were still in shock !

Make sure you understand that the fact you didn’t go to see her, had nothing to do with her dying…
Don’t ever think that it was your fault that she died !!!

Do yourself a favour…
Before you crawl into bed tonight…
Get on your knees, and say a little prayer… Tell your grandma you love her !!!

Answer 9

You feel how you feel. Don't make yourself try to feel something that you don't. Don't feel guilty that you don't feel sad. Everyone feels things at differant times. Your feelings may be delayed or you may have just accepted that death is a normal part of life and there really is no point in being sad. Just go with how you feel and don't worry about how others think you should feel. Good luck with the sitution.

Answer 10

Don't look backwards, it's only going to torture you and it serves no good. I'm sure your grandma knew you loved her and I'm sure she took no offense that you weren't there to say goodbye.

I myself never went to the hospital to say goodbye to my grandmother because I didn't want that to be my last memory of her. I preferred to remember her sitting at her kitchen table eating lunch with me then remember her delirious on pain meds in a hospital bed. It sounds selfish, but I'm glad I did it. I'm sure my grandmother's glad too because she never wanted to be seen without her hair and makeup done :)

You may be sad, but don't regret it. I'm sure that if you knew that was going to be her last night, then you would have gone. But you didn't know, nobody ever really knows, so don't beat yourself up over it. Just remember her being happy and healthy, that's how all of us wish to be remembered.