I'm not talking about "I broke up with my bf/gf 3months ago" type solitude, I mean true depressing isolation. I'm 35 years old and to be honest I have had a grand total of 4 months worth of true companionship in my life, and it's NOT by choice. I go out to bars, movies, fairs, etc. so I'm not a hermit or anything. It just seems no matter what I do, say, or try, I end up being alone. The worst thing is everyone who's ever met me thinks I'm an actual honest to god gentleman, but even that doesn't help. The solitude I feel can't be cured by friends, after this amount of time, it's not enough, no matter where I am, or who I'm with I feel alone. And after this much time the loneliness is like a manifestation chewing on my soul, and NO shrinks aren't the answer either. I feel the only thing that will cure this is actual companionship. So, if you've been alone as long as I have, how do you deal with it?, Do you feel like death is the only true release.
2006-09-23 15:18:33 · 14 answers · asked by Sentinel 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds to me like you may have depression which is truly an illness which can be cured with either medication or therapy or both.
If you are loathe to visit a "shrink," though you don't say whether or not you've tried---f you haven't, you should at least give it a try--but the other thing you could try is doing something for others.
It sounds so simple, but it works. When you are concentrating on others, you'll forget your lonliness. And, you may find, in the course of your service, a real companion that will fill your life with joy.
Try to join up with a group service. Habitat for Humanity, a church service project, something to help the environment, whatever. That way, you'll meet like minded people.
2006-09-23 15:27:24 · answer #1 · answered by brer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You think shrinks aren't the answer but they are. They dont have to be shrinks they can be counselors. You need to talk. Depression needs a release. An understanding and experienced ear. That truly is what you need. There is a core reason why this is happening in your life and you have to get to the bottom of it. If you cant keep anybody longer than 4 months and feel lonely even when around people that means you need counseling to work your way out of it.
2006-09-23 15:23:03 · answer #2 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Babe, have you ever whatched a pot? Ok, how cliche that you will never find love until you aren't looking for it but it is true. Try this, find friends. Go out! The simple things like to the park with your dog, get one, your local cyber cafe. Try places where other people are doing things besides grocery shopping and just be around them. Relax. Relax. Take a deep breath and relax. I have been alone for my entire life and yes, it's depressing and yes I have thought about suicide but then I would be depriving people of knowing me and loving me and I would be depriving myself the opportunity to learn new things and see new things. Open the windows, let the sunshine in and the cool fall air breeze thru and relax. Close your eyes and think about how great you are not for anyone else but for yourself. You are a good and decent person that is worthy of love. Think baby steps, not giant steps. Think friends, lots of them.
2006-09-23 15:26:31 · answer #3 · answered by buttons799 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I got to be honest I'm nowhere's near 35 but I understand on a smaller scale, obviously. 4months... that's it? I'm sorry that it's only been that much, but is it them, or you that's the problem? And I don't mean like if your ugly or dumb. I mean like do you put yourself out there to them? Or do you want them to come to you. Because You can't always count on them and obviously in your situation you definetely can't. I think you should be more forward but not like in a creepy way. Also you might wanna try online dating. Just don't give up, keep trying I promise you'll find true companionship eventually. And for your last question, I do sometimes feel like death is my only release... Just don't resort to that.
2006-09-23 15:27:31 · answer #4 · answered by PB&J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i so wish i can answer this one for you, but in a way im going thru the same exact thing. except , im actually dating someone, but ive never felt more alone. Dont get me wrong, i love him, and we fight but its not over major things to break up over. He works so much and he fell behind, he's been trying to catch up for a few weeks and i dont even get a simple touch anymore. Its hard for me to deal with because i have feeling such emptyness while in a realationship and he is so stressed out that i cant even talk to him about it or how i feel without him getting all defensive and just yelling at me over how he needs to do this. But i also feel that if your so stressed out , isnt it good to talk about it? Sometimes i feel like im just not good enough and ill never end up happy.
Sorry, i guess i needed to vent also.
Good luck with your search for happiness.
2006-09-23 15:29:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you cannot depend on anyone else to "make you happy". You need to go to a counselor....plain and simple. You hang in and go faithfully. You need to find out who you are and figure out what changes that you need to make on the inside as well as the outside. No, finding a companion is not the answer. Nothing worth anything is easy, pal. Ya gotta do the work!
2006-09-23 15:25:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suicide is a permanent solution, to a temporary problem.
Don't look for companionship, it will find you. However if someone does pique your interest, take control and be aggresive.
A lot of times it will fail - or you will be rejected, but if you bat a 250 in base ball your doing good, so if one out of four girls will go out with you, your doing great!
Keep your chin up and keep taking care of yourself - its a market out there, you have to be desirable on some level. : )
2006-09-23 15:22:39 · answer #7 · answered by steven m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey, What you could probably use is a challenging hobby, that grows and evolves and requires research and net working or clubs. That's what keeps me going along with doing a lot of volunteering in several different organizations.
good luck and peace be with you.
2006-09-23 15:39:13 · answer #8 · answered by roland v 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I could've written this word for word myself. As to how to deal with it... I don't know. I think some people don't meet their mate until later in life, which might be a good thing because you know what will work better than when you're young.
2006-09-23 15:23:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
true loneliness is a blessing, not every one can accomplish to be accompanied by no one at all. it is a persnal time for production, a time where the tru essence shines and cries outloud. write, paint, or kill if it must be so, but this is the right time
2006-09-23 15:24:01 · answer #10 · answered by nans77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋