I know that my boyfriend loves me, but when he gets angry with me or irritated he runs away, says mean things, and will not answer my texts or calls. He is very immature at times. When he is hurt and upset, he reacts with anger and immature behavior. He knows it hurts me when he ignores me, so that is what he uses. I always have to go to him. He has even admitted to me that he "needs" for me come to him because he does not think he would be able to come to me. He has been burned by all of the women in his life, including his mother. He thinks that I will ultimately leave him or hurt him, so he becomes angry and mean when hurt. He knows I will always give in and be the one to come to him. But I do not want to do that anymore. It is not healthy and it gives him the impression that he can treat met that way, and I will always be there. It is so hard for me not to contact him. But if I ever want anything to come of this relationship I must stand my ground. Right?
2006-09-23 15:07:03 · 31 answers · asked by Don't like Games. 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That sounds like way too much hard work - a good relationship is not supposed to be so angst ridden - you want a best friend, not someone who is going to constantly drag you down and make you keep questioning his motives
2006-09-23 15:09:08 · answer #1 · answered by LadyRebecca 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honey, my man is almost 31 and he pulls this crap once in a while too. I don't think age has much to do with it. I also know he loves me very much, wants to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. But, when he gets upset he goes to this very immature place inside and he sometimes will just leave the house for a while - one time he went for a 6 hour bike ride in the rain over a stupid little argument.
This is how I handle it. I let him go. I don't call him. I don't try to contact him at all or ask him to come back. I know he will. I don't coddle to him at all. And slowly he is getting better at handling his emotions. We will be together 2 yrs soon. Don't worry about him. The LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS BECOME HIS MOTHER!!!!!! Trust me on this. Do not ever be a mother to him - be his lover - but not his mother. Don't try to fix him or change him. Just let him be... The only thing I ever say to him is 'oh, my god you are sooooo immature!'
When he does come home I usually act like nothing happened and just pick up where we left off. Don't coddle him. Let him learn how to be a man. I also let my man know that he can leave any time he wants. I am not trying to trap him or keep him or what ever... He also knows that I will leave him if he gives me too much crap. Anyway, I know it sounds harsh. But we love each other a lot and that's how I deal with him. It is working great. He has a lot less episodes of immaturity and he has stayed when he is angry and dealt with the situation instead of running away. He'll get better at this eventually if you don't baby him.
2006-09-23 15:19:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely - stand your ground. If you keep giving in to him, he will never change.
A relationship is never always a 50-50 proposition, where each person does exactly half of the work or lets the other person have their way every other time. Sometimes it's 60-40, sometimes it's 30-70. Sometimes, it feels like it's 80-80. Yours sounds like it's 95-5, or worse. When you're both in a calm mood, explain to him in a calm, rational way that what he's doing is hurtful. Tell him that if he loves you, this has to change.
Then you have to be strong enough to not call him next time he has a snit, or he'll know that he can walk all over you for the rest of the relationship. And that will be entirely up to you to decide how long that will be.
2006-09-23 15:15:39 · answer #3 · answered by Ralfcoder 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See that's what happens when stupid people just hurt others. Leave all the problems up to others later.
I think it is an understandable reason for why he acts the way he does, but also for why you don't want it to be a given that you'll always come to him.
Try making your stand, lay down some rules, I don't know. Just tell him he need to trust you are not like the others, make him feel like you won't hurt him. Tell him that next time he reacts that way again he will have to come to you.
2006-09-23 15:16:01 · answer #4 · answered by Magnuna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop chasing the loser, if he cant come to you, why in the world would you put yourself out there for him? It is that simple, he loves you he has to come to you once. You are playing right into his mature little game. How far are you going to let this go? He has all the control and you are his little slave (emotionally). How many times does he need to be assured that you are not his MOMMY? It is not your job to pity your man. It is not your job to make up for all the relationships he has had in th past and it is not you job to fall for this crap. Maybe that is exactly why he has had everyone walk away form him. Maybe he burns them out emotionally until they give up and let the sad little puppy come to them and if he does not, they don't have to play his game anymore. What kind of story did this guy lay on you, so you would feel all the guilt form all of his screw ups?
2006-09-23 15:14:58 · answer #5 · answered by Angie A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wrong!!! you have already answered your own question he does this because he loves you. because he has been burned by all the women in his life he is trying to keep you at a distance by doing these stupid idiotic things what you need to if you really love him is just keep trying to get through to him right now he is just very insecure when it comes to being loved by a woman. what you should do is sit him down and talk to him, i mean really talk and even though it may seem like he isnt listening believe me he is he just needs to be reassured that it is possible to be loved and not just hurt by a woman. i hope you choose to stick it out
2006-09-23 15:16:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear, a better question, is: Why do you LET HIM, treat you that way? Where is your own value of who you are? NEVER let another person devalue who you are.
Many people "let" someone treat them in a worthless manner, because for some reason, they feel it is "deserved."
Immediately DUMP the creep, and start a new life. You are not ready for a relationship. Try to discover who YOU are before you get another boyfriend.
2006-09-23 15:11:23 · answer #7 · answered by . 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are right, he will never grow up if you do not take a firm stand and make him realize that he has to took responsibilty for his actions. IF you keep bending to his will, you will always be doing so, even when his will is wrong. Suggest counseling for his control issues, if he loves you enough he will want to work it out.
2006-09-23 15:09:29 · answer #8 · answered by babydoll121070 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you really want to be with an abusive, emotional basket case? Don't you deserve someone who will treat you nice, and not do immature things. You do not have to fix all the problems in his life...you have your own life to worry about, and if he wants to be self destructive and drive people away...then, let him go.
2006-09-23 15:13:41 · answer #9 · answered by Joe 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A little professional help might be needed here. He seems to have a deep seated paranoia, not always so easy to cure and can lead to serious "clinical" depression.
2006-09-23 15:13:15 · answer #10 · answered by phomsanuk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋