Annoying stares and questions at my biracial kids . . .what do I do without being extra rude?

Question

I am the mom of two children a 6mo boy and 9yo girl who just happen to be biracial(I am African American, hubby is Caucausian from Denmark). When I am out with my kids people of all races continually stare or make ridiculous remarks or even ask if they are actually my kids. Now being in an interracial relationship I am used to some people being ignorant but its really out of control now. With my 9yo it wasnt that bad becuase even though she is biracial she is fairly tan and you can tell she is mixed, but my son is completely ivory colored and blue eyed, and we look nothing alike right now even though he may get darker as he gets older. Some elderly woman even asked if I was his nany when I in midtown Manhattan last week(!)How do I get people to back off without seeming rude or belligerent?

Answer 1

"Never engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent", ignore them.

Answer 2

Hmmm...This is may be hard for you to read but hear me out. You knew that being in a bi-racial relationship was going to be difficult and I am sure that you thought about it when you had children but you know , maybe more than most, that you can't control other people. Story: I work in retail management and I have a manager that is bi-racial. Her mother was black and her father was white. Her mother died when she was young and her dad is not around so she was raised by one of her "full" black sisters. She has in only dated black men and she has had to deal with some amazingly stupid comments because she looks white. I mean if you took a long hard look at her you still wouldn't be able to figure out she was black unless she told you. this is why she makes sure to point out to new people at work or her personal life that she is bi-racial because she has heard so much and been hurt by the things people say. She knows that there is nothing she can say or do about what other people think. Does it hurt her? Hell yes! Does it affect her? Hell NO! Why? because she takes the ignorance of others with a grain of salt. This girl is 21 years old!

To answer your question mirror them. If they ask you a stupid question, make 'em feel stupid when you answer them. Like they have any right to your personal information anyway. We are all taught to be polite so the most simple thing I can tell you is to call them out in a very controlled manner. I hope this helps.

Answer 3

Im mixed as well (my dads black/indian and my moms mexican/white) growing up, on my moms side of the family me and my brothers were not excepted at all. Its no secret in my family my moms parents didnt like my dad cause he was black, and it took my grandparents years to except me and my brothers, well my brothers longer cause they dont look mixed, im the only light skinned one. Growing up in the late 80's and going to high school in the 90's every day i was ridiculude cause i was mixed...i wasnt black enought for the black kids or mexican enough for the mexican and wasnt white enough for the white kids so everyone thought i was confussed. now being grown up in my late 20's i still get stares not so much remarks thu but every once in a while someone will ask the stupid questions "what are u" or "whats it like being mixed" like im some alian.

so unfortunitaly u can;t do anything about the stares and remarks cause people are people, some will change, some never will. Teach your kids skin color DOES NOT MATTER!! dont make them feel like they have to choose cause beleive me sometime in there life they will feel like that from stangers. Let them know that people stare cause they are beutiful!! if it was me and someone asked me if i was the nanny i would be like "yes i had affair with my boss" and walk away laughing at there ignorance. cause if u take everything seriously youlll miss the funny parts.

Answer 4

i'm sorry you have had this take place!! My son is biracial (a million/2 Asian, dad is from Taiwan) and we've never gotten nasty comments, in trouble-free terms useful. i think of area of that's what area of the country you reside im in step with risk-we live in the South yet in an city area the place there is dissimilar variety. I even have had people ask approximately his history earlier whilst dad wasn't with us, that doesn't offend me, yet something of it is unfavourable. My son is two and a nil.5 and my daughter is due in October. i'm uncertain how i could deal, actual i could in all probability be so a great deal bowled over i does no longer think of of the comeback till later. i could merely tell them i replaced into happy with my young little ones and my husband and in the event that they choose a international without variety attempt moving to Iceland!

Answer 5

First of all I would talk to your kids and explain it to them to why people stare. And if they understand that, then the thing you need to do when you're walking down the street is to remind yourself that you love your kids and that you would protect them at any cost. If people are staring then let them cause they don;t know any different.
If they're verbally abusing you and your kids then for you as a mother you would have to stand up for your kids. But make sure you tell your kids that no matter what anybody says or does you will always love them. Good luck to you and I hope for the best for you and your children.

Answer 6

Well that's some ignorant stuff there. I didn't think people still looky who over bi racial kids. Bi racial is one pretty race. If the girl I fell in love w/ was white or any other race I wouldn't think about what others think. There will be people like that in this world but you make sure you teach them kids right from wrong.

Answer 7

It must be the area your in, i see and have a nephew who is BlackxItaliian, he is light skinned. But its funny you say the nanny thing, my sisters husband is filipino and her kids do not look Italian and people ask her is she is babysitting, she lives in a uppity snobby area. Personally i dont notice these things in people, its everywhere here and i cant understand why this would bother folks, its non of there business and really who the heck cares what they think...I understand you angry tho and there has to be some witty response that would just make them say oh, or be embarrassed for even asking...Dont let them get to you, your babies are beautiful no matter what skin tone they have and they have a great mama that cares...Now to get others to mind their own d@mn business....

Answer 8

Well, it is just how it is. It's normal like it or not. Would you automatically see a light kid and think they had a black parent?

Have you ever been to Denmark? You'd meet even more "ignorant" people there and here as well. It's normal. Deal with it.

There's no problem but to smile and say "yes they are." Then they learnt something new as well, no problem.

Answer 9

You can't control how other think or act. You are their mother. If they have questions, just remind them that the sight of a white woman with an asian child doesn't even raise a eyebrom anymore, international adoption is so common. Be confident in who you are and your roll in your chirdren's lives.

And withering stares when people are totally out of line are perfectly acceptable.

Answer 10

You do not owe strangers an explanation. Most do not even realize they are being rude. I think it would be acceptable to smile at them & say sweetly, "Why yes, these ARE my children." Then you could either change the subject or move along.

Answer 11

That is a shame that this is happening to you. Unfortunately, I don't know if there is a cure for people's rudeness. I would very innocently look into there eyes and say "why do you ask?" It will make them very uncomfortable and hopefully cure them of being insensitive again. Good luck.