I just got engaged this July. I am almost 30 and this is my first wedding. It is also my fiances first wedding, we have been dating 2 1/2 yrs. Our wedding is one year away. My sister has been married 2 times and just got divorced again about a month ago. She has been dating a guy for 5 months and right after I annouced my engagement she came forth and annouced she and her boyfriend were getting married in a month and a half. I don't mean to be selfish but it seems unfair because all of the family rounded around her to help her plan and get ready and pretty much put me and my fiance off. Now all I hear is about how her dress shopping is going, where they picked to marry etc. I feel her timing is tacky as it is her third wedding and I feel like she is stealing our thunder with this. She has always been mean towards me and I feel that this is a purposeful stab at my happiness. Am I just hypersensitive or is it really rude that she do this to me on the brink of my first wedding?
2006-09-23 12:09:14 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You poor thing. This reminds me of what happened to my mother..who was engaged for two years and getting married on the 15th..her sister didn't even get engaged she just said she wanted to get married a few weeks before her wedding date of the 19th on the month that was before the month my mother got married on.
Well she might have upstaged my mother but my aunt's marriage lasted only a week or two and then she went back to this other guy she was seeing (they are still together unmarried). My mother is still married to my father after 40 years of marriage.
So don't worry about her honey, as she will fall flat on her face. She just wants the spotlight but she won't get the happiness I'm sure you will in your marriage. Congrats to you and keep your chin up. I'm sure what she is doing will escape no one.
2006-09-23 14:20:05 · answer #1 · answered by xanadu88 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if you're being hypersensitive or not, and I certainly understand sister issues like this...I've got a sister that drives me nuts too. But what I'd do is chill for the month and a half that she throws together her wedding, and then after her wedding is over, your family will really rally around you and help you out. And, not to be mean spirited or anything, but if your sister just got divorced for the 2nd time, and is marrying within 2 months a guy she's known for 5 months, she may be 3 times divorced by the time your wedding rolls around. Look at the positives you have in your life, as opposed to your sisters, and you'll probably be glad you're not in her shoes. Good luck and congratulations on your engagement!!!
2006-09-23 13:56:21 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She probably wasn't meaning to be rude or selfish, but it is none the less. This is just stupid on her part to get married so quick. 6 months is not long enough to know for sure that a marriage will work. If she got married this quick on her previous two, no wonder they ended in divorce!
My advice to you is to sigh and get on with your life (and planning your own wedding.) Hers will be over long before the serious planning stage of your wedding. The first couple of months are about you and your fiance making decisions, i.e. guest list, location, attendants, formality, theme and/or colors, etc... So there isn't that much that your family would be doing anyway. By the time you need their input, her wedding day will have past, and you will have the same level of undivided attention from them. Your family isn't being rude or mean, they are trying to be supportative to both of you. Her wedding is sooner, and it will be hard to throw one together at the last minute like this. They know that for right now, she needs them more than you do. They know that you have plenty of time, and they in turn have plenty of time to help after her day is over.
Good Luck!
2006-09-23 19:33:30 · answer #3 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I do agree with it is tacky and extremly backstabing to you.
Sadly, your family isn't fazed by it. That is what is bothering me about your situation.
However, she said she is getting married in month and half. Don't sweat it out. Keep on with your planning and your special day. Once her's pass, it shouldn't be a big deal. Unless she is extremly tacky enough to announce divorce before or on your wedding day.
My mom's sister is like that. When my mom got pregnant, my aunt got pregnant and did the same thing. When my mom got married, she got married. The bad part is, it is the same with my sister and our cousin (aunt's daughter). My sister got married, our cousin ran off with this guy and got married. All three of their kids are only a few months part in the year each one was born. Mother like daughter I guess.......but the fact is, my sister nor mom would allow it to bother them. They want to be that way, fine. But my mom and sister restricted their attendance at extremly important events due to their behavior. That is all up to you on that.
In that case, I really suggest you have a big discussion with the family. I don't think there is much else to do but continue with your special day. Get people involved though and see if they want to carry on some tasks, which will help shine away some of her spot light. After all, have you discussed this with individual people of why they are so into her third wedding with a guy she barley knows after just finalizing her 2nd divorce?
2006-09-23 15:00:26 · answer #4 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has only been dating for five months? Yeah I would like to know how long this marriage is going to last. Maybe your sister felt left out over all the attention you were getting so she decided to get engaged to a man she barely knows. I feel that her timing is very tacky also. She don't let her interfere with you having the wedding of your dream because she will probably be divorced soon anyway.
2006-09-23 12:14:20 · answer #5 · answered by confused 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok, stop right there. Read what you wrote..."this is a purposeful stab at my happiness". C'mon...really, you don't actually believe that do you? And if it is (doubtful) are you really going to give her the satisfaction of you pissing and moaning about it?
First off, it isn't the "brink" of your "first" wedding. (btw, do you really think it is wise to label it your "first" wedding? Sounds as if you plan on having a 2nd or 3rd yourself talking that way) You are getting married in a year. It is going to be a HUGE event since it is both of your "firsts"...Your engagement is between you and your husband to be...it's to be "celebrated" by your family for about 24 hours then life goes back to normal...which includes OTHER people getting on with their lives. There is going to be a whole heck of a lot of hoopla when it comes to your wedding when the time comes for it...and that is in about 6 months or so.
Let me explain what it would really be if she was "stealing your thunder"....#1 she would have waited until you were in the thick of your plans. #2 She would have her wedding the week before yours #3 she wouldn't be attending your wedding because she was going to be on her honeymoon #4 allsorts of family commotion would occur because of her choice.
By the time "your" time comes for planning and everything, her wedding/marriage will be a blip in history no one talks about anymore. She actually is being quite courteous. Wham bam get it over with, since she knows it is her 3rd...
So, now is when I tell you to grow up, and start acting like a mature woman who is about to get married and not a spoiled kid who wants the next year to be all about YOU. Trust me, you will become bridezilla with that attitude and just bring on a lot of problems for yourself.
Be happy for your sister, wish her well, buy her a nice small gift and hope that three is a charm. You are the one being tacky by trying to make her experience miserable just because you want the attention.
2006-09-23 12:56:34 · answer #6 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ok so clearly you have a thrivingly healthy sibling rivalry with your sister.
But what you don't tell us is when your sister announced her engagement. You just say right after.
Was this 15 minutes later or two months?
If it is a month or two months - you are being hypersensitive.
If it was 15 minutes or even 1 week, she was being a real pip.
Either way, yes she is stealing some of your thunder.
But the silver lining is that after she is married everyone will be focusing on you.
2006-09-23 12:17:22 · answer #7 · answered by special-chemical-x 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand while you are upset, but I doubt her decisions have anything to do with you. In fact, maybe she is getting married so quickly bc she wants you to have your time. It sounds like you will have over six months of it being all about your wedding planning. Did you really expect your family to give you all their attention for over a year?
Vent to your fiance, but I can't think of anything you could say to your sister that would make the situation better.
2006-09-23 14:39:09 · answer #8 · answered by Katherine 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You would not believe how common this is. And you are right to feel the way you do. I think that these women who do this are selfish and inconsiderate. I think they do want to take away the special time from their sisters. I just cant figure out why other than cattiness. Sorry try to ignore her and enjoy yourself. You can always remind yourself that this wedding of hers probably will last as long as the rest and yours will probably be more permanent as you did not just jump in.
2006-09-23 12:17:03 · answer #9 · answered by lisapj 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being hypersensitive. Just because you are engaged does not mean that no one you know can get married between your engagement date and your wedding date. You get a wedding DAY, not a wedding YEAR.
2006-09-23 12:39:50 · answer #10 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋