Rebel Daughter insists on dancing?

Question

My sixteen year daughter has gotten caught up with some girls that are strippers, they have gotten into her head and now she wants to become a dancer. I'm a single father and I am at a loss I've tried to explain to her that being an exotic dancer is not a glamorious thing, that exotic dancers are look upon as sex objects, but she is being stubborn. I'm afraid that in two years she will become an exotic dancer. Help!! As for how she got mixed up with those girls, they are my Ex's friends and they talk to her when she goes for visits at her mothers.

Answer 1

First of all, I have to ask:
1. How much older than her are you?
2. Where do you live (what country and state)?
3. Are you close with your daughter, enough to connect with her or to speak seriously with her in such a way that neither flips out or flips off the other?
4. What is your living/domestic situation?
5. Where is her mother/what happened to her mother?

The reason I'm asking these questions is that I'm trying to get a feel for your situation and what you are going through, other than the question you posted.
Now, being that I have to answer this without that information and based on what I have before me, let me say the following:

Apparently, you've tried to reach out to your daughter and it didn't work or she gave you reason enough to believe she might do otherwise. Please remember that for most people in this world, two years' time is a lot of time to go from teenage schoolgirl to college age stripper. Are you sure she was serious and not being sarcastic or playing with you, messing with your head a little? A lot of times, we say and do things contrary to our normal behavior to rile up the parents a little bit, without much intent behind it to follow through. If I'm wrong and assuming too much, forgive me.
Another thing I'd have to ask is whether or not you're aware of your resources and whether you've exhausted them completely. The reason I am asking this is to find out what you've done beyond talking to her, if you've appealed to some sort of outside help or authority. If you're in the United States, which I am assuming, you might want to speak to an adolescent psychologist or social worker. A youth pastor would also be of help; someone who can be neutral and objective enough to give you your options and to put it quite plainly, if you want someone else to explain to your daughter what she could be facing if she was/is seriously considering becoming an exotic dancer as a career move.
If you don't connect well, then maybe now would be the time to sit down with someone and to explain to your daughter your concern and anxiety over this issue of her future, her safety, her happiness, and her life.
Another question I have is how did she become associated with these girls, not to say that they're automatically evil and destructive, but not necessarily the best influences for her, especially at this age?
If you speak with her again, voice your concern over her choice of friends, but try not to judge them or her decision. Give her what she needs as your daughter: the guidance and direction and support that everyone needs innately from their parents.
Again, allow her to understand your concern; question her judgement if you're feeling like something is amiss or is lacking, like she might be in danger. Respect her mind and her decisions, but be the parent and be assertive if she oversteps her bounds on issues of parental authority. Please feel free to email me for further discussion and help. [e-mail]

Answer 2

Tell her to strip! That you are okay with it and you think that she would be a very good at it, and you are so excited about her new professional that you and the family are going to come every night to cheer her on! Heck, bring Uncle Tome and Aunt Mary too. I bet Grandma and Grandpa would love to see some pictures if they can't make it. What a great idea for the Christmas cards this year.

Single Dad in the mist of teenage girl drama. First of all a 16 year old doesn't need to be hang with strippers. But the damage is done, so now you got to deal with the possiblity that she starts taking her cloths off in front of a bunch of perverts. If there is no way you can talk her out of this, then Daddy, I got to say this, tell her you don't like what she is doing, that you are very disappointed that she thinks that is acceptable, but that you are still going to love her. You have got to let her make her own mistakes, the chore for you is to be there to pick up the peices.

I have a couple of friends that are strippers, one does it for the money pure and simple and the thrill of it....the other is a single mom of 2 small kids, she goes to college during the day and strips on the weekends, she makes enough to take care of her family and get an education so she doesn't have to do this much longer. She's at a nice club with security, no drugs, no pimping, and the owner is a very nice man who is concerned about his girls. The one that does it for thrills is in a dive, she's caught up in stuff I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy. She can't compete in the nicer clubs because of her lifestyle and bad habits.

Stand by her Daddy, and watch because she's going to make bad mistakes and bad choices but you have got to let her know that no matter what you are there. You don't have to like it or support it, but you have got to be her backbone. I am so sorry that you are going through this, it's got to be a nightmare. I apologize for the smart remarks at the beginning but a man friend did this to his daughter but he didn't tell her he was going to show up. She walked out on stage and there sat Pops...she couldn't do it. They had a big fight going for awhile, but she know realizes that she could not face just anybody that she knew with taking her cloths off, and that was a chance she wasn't willing to take. Works at a clothing store now, and goes to school at night....I pray that you find the right words, and if she continues anyway, that you have the strength to live with it....

God bless us all..............

Answer 3

I dont think that you are going to make your daughter budge on this. I think the tactics you need to use should be to contact your ex and explain the situation and that you want better for you daughter. Ask her to talk to her friends and get them to put your daughter off of this idea. If your ex wont do this, approach the women yourselves and ask them to talk your daughter out of this. It may work, or may not but I think it is most likely your best option as your daughter is just going to see you as over protective and not knowing what you are talking about. After all she is a 16 year old girl. And everyone knows that 16 year olds know everything and their parents nothing!!!!!!!!

Answer 4

Tell your daughter that your a guy and you know how guys think and you are looking out for her safety and she should be viewed as someone that can respect her and not take advantage of her in clubs for in clubs guys can get out of hand and try to hurt her and that you are looking out for her well being and love her and I would tell your ex that her daughter wants to strip now and maybe get the friends to not be there to be a poor influence for your daughter maybe the mom doesn;t care either but good thing you care good luck

Answer 5

Call her bluff. This is going to sound rediculous but tell her to show you her moves. Cloths on of course. If she won't then ask her how she plans to dance for strangers and the possiblity of having to dance in front of someone she actually knows . If you totally embarass her she will think twice about the thought. Then ask her how she thinks you will feel if one of your co-workers were to see her and then blab it to everone. Let her know that no decent husband will want even a remote chance of marrying her because of her exotic past.

Answer 6

Too wide of a range of age for a relationship. Is incest against the law in Australia. If it is then that should be taken into consideration. Even if they hadn't seen each other for 30 years they are still too closely related to have children. It causes lots of deformities and probably that heart defect in the last baby that died.

Answer 7

Well let her know of the downside to working in those places. Like some clubowners getting some of their girls hooked on drugs, owners pimping the girls at private parties, girls getting pregnant by guys they barely know. One of my co-workers has told me some of the horror stories of her days as a dancer. Let her know that it is not a glamourous life they lead and that you love her. That is most important.

Answer 8

well there is little you can do if you dont have full time with her. but you can say to her that if money is all she is after she can go to college and make much more than those girls ever could plus healthcare and vison and dental. heck even OTR truck drivers make 100k if they do it right. but its really important for you to understand why she wants to be a dancer is it for the attention the money what is drawing her to it? then you can talk with her about it. dont get defensive but really listen and talk about it. it is her life but there is something to be said about a parent taking the time to really get into the conversation.

Answer 9

Tough spot Dad!!!! Dancing is not glamorous but can make some GOOD money. I would imagine if you did let her do it it would likely be a short time before she wasn't all that hyped about it anymore. Unfortunately this life is FULL of decisions and she has to make her own too. Sit down and talk to her, tell your interested and not going to judge her but find out WHY she wants to do it......she MAY talk herself right out of it AND have some good communication with you!

Answer 10

Talk to the mother and tell her you don't want these people around your daughter. Doesn't law protect your rights as a father in this case? Ask a lawyer.