my ex-boyfriend is about to have a baby and it's making me feel very jealous because i was the one planning to have a baby with him just not now we are both 20 yrs but he wanted to have it a.s.a.p. so he left me and found himself anohter girl or should i say his prior girlfriend before me to inpreganate and now the baby is only weeks away. he is now in a realtionship with her becuse of the baby. i never planned to have a baby this young so i asked him to wait for me to finish college and start my career ( i plan to be a police officer) but he didn't now i feel like maybe i made a mistake and am missing out. it really has hurt my self-esteem becuse now i have that feeling of wanting a baby and becoming a mom. i just want to know what people out there think about this?
2006-09-23 11:09:52 · 16 answers · asked by alizenena 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
One day you will see that you were the lucky one. He has proven that he does not have the maturity to be a good dad. It seems like he treats having a baby the same as getting a new puppy after his mom said no. Would you really want to be tied to someone for the rest of your life that didn't love you enough to wait? One of the reasons couples decide to have a baby together is because it is the greatest gift you can give someone. A baby is a part of someone you love. Having a baby is not a walk in the park. A baby is the most precious treasure but if someone is not ready, mentally, emotionally or financially, it can be very trying. You seem to be a sensible young woman. You made the right decision for you and any children you will have in the future. I hope I am wrong but my instincts tell me she is going to be rearing this child alone one day. With no emotional or financial support from him unless he does allot of growing up in the near future.
2006-09-23 11:30:06 · answer #1 · answered by buckking_99 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The truth is, most likely, if you were to have a baby, you wouldn't change it for the world. However, what you wouldn't realize is that you would be missing out much more if you had a baby too young. You are going to school to provide a better life for your future children, if you had a baby, it would me very difficult to continue your education.
I am also in school to be a teacher. I absolutely love children and have wanted one for some time now. I am just like you, I want one, but I know it would be better for my child if I waited.
You didn't make a mistake about not having a baby when you weren't ready. If you even have to think about it, you're not ready. And, if you had the baby just to keep your boyfriend, then the relationship would have suffered greatly because it would have been based on something other than yourselves.
Hang in there and you'll be much happier when you find the right man who is willing to put you and your future children before himself. Keep up the good work in school!
2006-09-23 23:14:06 · answer #2 · answered by Sera B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may want a baby now but in the long run I think it was a blessing u didn't get pregnant with your ex. Your relationship was obviously not strong enough to handle the stresses of having a baby. He should have wanted to stay with u because of u not just because you could produce a child for him. Finish school and find someone that you can have a loving strong relationship with and then having a baby at the right time will be a much more rewarding experience.
2006-09-23 18:21:42 · answer #3 · answered by montanagal2108 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what I always feel like I want to have a baby when I hear someone I know is pregnant. I can't imagine how much worse it would be to be in your situation. I found that I'm a nanny now for an infant, and it's really a great baby fix. I get to go shopping, to the beach, to swimming and gym classes, etc. So I get to play mommy for a couple hours a day. It's really helped me to realize that I don't want my own kid right now. This is the first time in literally YEARS I haven't wanted to have my own baby, secretly hoping that I would get pregnant. Try to play with babies to help you get your baby fix, and only time will help you to heal. Sorry, I can't imagine how hard it must be for you! Focus on you and how you're doing in school and your career, it's not easy, and the feelings won't miraculously go away, but with time I'm sure you'll be happy that you were able to get your career underway before you become a mom.
2006-09-23 18:18:23 · answer #4 · answered by Melissa, That's me! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing. 20 is too young to start having a family, you need money to raise children and believe me they cost a lot. You have your whole life ahead of you so enjoy yourself. You will find a man that is supportive of your career and will have your family when it is time.
p.s. Just to try to make you feel better...... your ex went back to his ex-gf, he left her once and statistically he will leave her again and she will be left not only single but with a baby. And him being the dog he is probably wont pay any child support. Having children to make relationships work is wrong and never works anyway.
Good luck in College and your career.
2006-09-23 18:47:59 · answer #5 · answered by wickedly_funny66 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to focus on school and your future career. Boyfriends come last. Having a baby now, you are not ready. There is a lot of responsibilities care for a child and takes a lot of patience. Enjoy life with your friends, school, and other positive things out there. Sure, you will come around with another guy, but don't have a child yet and forget your ex-boyfriend. He acts like a child himself I sure. Never Ever, wait around for a guy. Do not depend on them because you never know what is going to happen. Focus on yourself. That is the most important right now.
2006-09-23 18:17:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex-boyfriend is a control freak who is insecure that you are going to college and have a career plan, don't let him prevent you from completing your education and following your desire to go into law enforcement. It might be hard to see now, but there will be many MEN who will find you desireable. Being a mom is a life change that is all encompassing and it's very difficult to raise a child and go to college. Get your degree, start your career, and then think about starting a family. Good Luck!
2006-09-23 19:56:18 · answer #7 · answered by who's it 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were not ready for a baby and had life goals in mind. You did the right thing. Just disappointed it will not be with him. He is at a different life stage than you are. Him wanting one asap and leaving you shows he isn't father nor boyfriend/marriage material.
Have a baby and become a mom when you are ready. Focus on yourself, getting your life in order so you can provide a good life to your child. You are not missing out. You are just not at that stage in your life and nothing is wrong with that. You will have your chance.
2006-09-23 21:30:09 · answer #8 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl you are way to young. I'm 29 and my son will be 4 in January. I dated my highshool sweetheart for six years after we graduated high school. I thought he was "the one". We broke up for a couple of months and he got another girl pregnant. Me and him actually got back together while she was still pregnant. We were going to get married and I was going to help him raise their child. Then I woke up. Girl you better forget about him, finish college and start your career. Having a baby changes EVERYTHING. Good luck to you. Good luck with becoming a police officer.
2006-09-23 21:14:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was smart of you not to have the baby now. i am 21 years old and i have 5 year old boy its hard because the father its not around. He is an ***.... because he left you. He didnt leave because of the baby thing, if he really loved you enough to form a family with you he would have waited until you were ready. He just didnt love you enough and im sorry to say it. Anyways you made a good decision because its your body and you make decisions about it, not a stupid jerk. ok? be happy hun dont worry there are plenty of guys who will love to have a kid with you and wait until you are ready.
2006-09-23 19:30:30 · answer #10 · answered by susyandhensy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋