how do you truly forgive someone who did amazeingly terrible evil things to me,?

Answer 1

what a phenominal question. i, too, would like to know the correct answer. back in 2003, my world came crumbling down because of an unjust act by one man who became carried away with his power. it caused me to sink into a deep depression which almost led me to committing suicide. i made three unsuccessful attempts. to this day i blame him for all the misery that has occurred since that day.
i'm searching my heart and mind for a way to forgive this person. i know my religion teaches to forgive. as of yet, i'm unable to.
i see a psychiatrist on a monthly basis and he assures me that i won't be able to heal until i forgive.
as i examine my heart, i'm not sure i can ever forgive this guy. i don't believe he deserves forgiveness and that he's worthy of it.
i don't even think he knows how bitter and hateful i feel towards him.
on the other hand i know i must forgive. but how do i convince my heart it is the right thing to do? i sometimes worry that if i don't forgive him, and die suddenly without having done so, i'll suffer all over again. thus, he's won two times.
there ARE evil people in this world. i didn't believe that until 2003. until then, i believed that goodness could be found in each individual. was i ever wrong. this whole episode has led me to distrust people and to be very weary of people i don't know or i don't trust.
i pray each day to be enlightened as to how to handle this problem. as of yet, i'm still uncertain. maybe i have been given the answer and have just failed to recognize it. it really is a difficult burden to carry around. i wonder if i forgive, will the burden be lessened.
in my heart, i want this person to suffer; suffer to an extent greater than what i was forced to endure. i want him to feel misery, despair, and rejection. i, also know this is wrong and i work at changing my feelings every day. i pray that someday soon this whole episode can be brought to closure so that it is no longer such a vital part of my life.
i'm not sure i answered your question, but be assured that there are other innocent people in society that are trying to cope with the same feelings you deal with daily.
best of luck, friend.

Answer 2

Step 1. Choose a quiet place, sit down and get comfortable. Close your eyes and concentrate on every creepy thing that this person has done to you. Cry if you need to.

Step 2. When you are done, make a conscious decision that you forgive this person. Say aloud, "As of this moment, I forgive _______ for every bad and hateful thing that they have ever done to me."

Step 3. Ask God for some help. Forgiving someone is a hard job.

Step 4. Stand up, smile, and go on with your life. Treat your resentment towards this person the same way that a person who is quitting smoking cigarettes would. Every time a negative thought about this person pops into your mind, tell yourself "No. I used to think about this stuff and this person but I don't anymore. I have forgiven this person." and then force yourself to think about something else.

After a while your pain, anger and resentment will go away...just like the craving for nicotine will eventually leave a smoker. The first few days and weeks are the hardest but after that it becomes much easier.

Answer 3

You can forgive ANYthing! because forgiveness is something you do for YOU. In the book, Urban Shaman, by Sergi Kahili King (or a similar name), it is explained that forgiveness is just Deciding that it is Not Important, ("it" being the "bad things") or that it doesn't matter anymore. I believe that is what I read. When you Forgive, you Let Go of a big bag of germs you have been carrying on YOUR back! When you forgive, it is a private affair For JUST YOU. Best not to say: "I forgive you" to anyone. Just DO it, Let Go, so that YOU can Now Go Forward into your Great and Beautiful New Life. Sure, you can Forgive ANY thing! when the Dalai Lama was asked how he could speak so gently about China, after all the Tibetans had suffered, he said: "They took everything... Why would I give them my mind?" Start with your own self, forgiving your Self, as most of us with anger have blamed our own Selves. Just say to your Self: I love you. I forgive you. You can also address others by name, events, places, businesses. It made me cry a lot at first. But I say: "I love you. I forgive you." to myself and others. And then heavy, dark places in my mind drop away, and Life is Vibrant. All Kinds of Beautiful Things will Quickly begin to happen. Holding grudges keeps away the good, but forgiveness Attracts the Good. You Can and WILL forgive because deep down, you do Love your Self, which is Great!

Answer 4

Well, it is very hard. I had that happen. I chose, finally, to decide he was a very damaged person to behave that way. I was able to forgive because NOT forgiving was harming me. Will we ever go back to the same way things were before? No, we really won't. To be honest (and because no one on here knows me anyway) it was my brother, so I chose to continue the brother and sister relationship. Our parents are gone so it is really just us left. We are older (he is 43) so it is not like we had constant contact anyway. I enjoyed his family (three children) but the way he and his wife behaved was really not forgiveable. I probably will take a while before being able to forgive her, but, I did not have the sibling love for her of course. Too many things were said for me to go back to feeling open and loving towards them. I decided that part was my problem not theirs. I could have chosen to end the relationship. Believe me, I considered that and I considered telling them very hurtful things. I decided I was better than that.

If you are speaking of a romantic type relationship, only you can decide if the relationship is worth continuing. If you can trust him again that is.

I do not want to be one of those people who sound religious and preachy on here, but I was able to forgive for religious reasons. I figured if God was able to forgive me for anything that I was sorry for, then I should forgive too. I really am not over it yet, but life goes on.

One thing someone told me that I tried to think about was: Did what was said and done come from a reaction or a response? If was a reaction to something that I did or said (even unjustly so) it is a little more understandable than if it was done through a thought out response. To put it in a very simple scenerio: Someone asks me about an outfit she tries on and I say, "it makes you look heavier." A bad reaction might be, "well, you are fat too." That wouldn't be a nice thing to say, but it is a reaction rather than a response. A bad response might be for her to wait a while then later tell me that she thinks I am very fat and didn't have a right to say that to her. Both are rude and unecessary. But the reaction was just that; a reaction because she was hurt by my comment. The response was well thought out and meant to hurt me. Do you see the difference?

I hope this helps you a little. I could have used help when it happened to me.

Ignore the spelling errors. Spell check locked up when I tried to run it (I guess because it was so long).

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

By finally figuring out that the feelings you have against that person is hurting only you. Probably, if you think about forgiving them, you believe they'll get off with no punishment or justice. You cannot think that way and live a happy, full life. It's over, you can't change it, go make a good life for yourself and those you love and who love you.

Answer 6

You need to forgive. by forgiving you let go of the hurt and anger. forgiving helps YOU not the person who hurt you. forgiving creates a breakthrough
in that you will not be hurt and angry and you will feel free. forgiving is really a selfish thing to do. because it gives you power over the person that violated you.

Answer 7

Work with a therapist. Some things are too traumatizing to work through on your own. It's not about forgiving the other, it's about releasing yourself from the hold those events have on you.

Answer 8

Well, you don't have to. I mean how horrible were they? If it was killing your best friend and ripping your arms off, then don't forgive them, but if it was just emotional pain, you should cope with the pain first. If they didn't mean t odo the things, it'll be easier, but if they did, it'll be harder. Try to imagine that maybe things in their life was going far worse,and perhaps being mean to you, made them feel better. There is always something in the background to look for.

Answer 9

They say time is the best thing to fix a broken heart. I guess when it comes to forgiveness, that is the best thing for it as well. That's just my opinion, you may agree or disagree with me.

Answer 10

From a distance. The greater the distance, the easier to forgive.