We are both seventeen, and we have been dating seriously for 8 months. We have had our ups and downs but we have over come everything. But just last week he told me his father is dying and only has 2 years left to live. I have only met his father a few times because he is embarassed of his fathers drinking problem. But thats beside the point. I'm the only one he as talked to and i want to help to the fullest. His father is, to say the least, not totally able to keep up with the cost for the naturopath treatment. Do you think it would be a good idea to help out in the financial area (raise money)? or would that be crossing the line? I love him very much, and i want to do everything in my power to get him though this.
Thank you for your help....
2006-09-23 09:51:21 · 14 answers · asked by jvana_theo_love 1 in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Cancer
You are a very worthwhile person and I hope God blesses you. What can you do? Avoid tension creating situations. Remain peaceful and avoid rows and criticism. Try to think of interesting things you can contribute to this sad home. They need not be expensive--do small jobs around their home. Often people who are sad are also too depressed or in pain to keep the place clean and comfortable. Cook the things they like: men who are ill don't always look after themselves and don't eat right--but they do appreciate it if there is a few of their favorite dishes around for them. Buy an inexpensive present--something that will interest them such as a magazine about his favorite sport. Learn to distract: play a game of cards or chess with your boyfriend, his Dad and their buddies: often the friends begin to break away and stop coming if there is no joy in the place--but if you rent a movie, bake some goodies and then get out the cards and a beer--life doesn't seem so bad. They may not say much but when illness comes---sick people LONG for their friends and happy times. As the Beatles used to sing `Love Is All You Need'. By the way, don't criticize me for saying `get out the cards and beer'... Yes, giving up drink is the best thing when you have a life, and a future and health to look forward to. But (if his doctor isn't against it) I am not one to deprive a dying person of things he might find comfort in. Just love them both.
2006-09-28 15:27:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have already taken an important first step and that is simply caring about the situation. Be there. If you know that he has two more years to live, see if you can find ways for you and your boyfriend to spend some time with his dad. I don't mean every day or anything, but more than most 17 year olds are likely to do. Just spend an evening watching TV and talking. Maybe if you were there for a visit, he'd drink less while you were there. In spite of many other things about the relationship, your boyfriend may find that his dad has things to tell him that nobody else can. At least you can try to see that they go out on good terms.
As far as fund raising, I'm mixed. If it would make a difference in the course of the cancer, it might be worthwhile. If not, it would be an exercise in frustration and futility. You'd be "doing something," but not anything actually helpful. I'd say your time would bebetter spent just allowing and helping your boyfriend spend a little more time with his dad.
2006-09-23 10:00:06 · answer #2 · answered by Picture Taker 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is be there for your boyfriend.Listen to him when he feels like talking,hug him when he is feeling down,being there for him in times when he doesn't understand what is happening with his father.Let him spend as much time with his dad alone and with you is good.Raising money is an excellent idea to help with cost of hospital and medical bills.Also it would take stress off of the dad knowing you are there for his son,and helping with medical finances.You sound like an angel.Keep up the good ideas.You are a good person.I will pray for the father and take care.Hope this helps.
2006-09-23 09:58:34 · answer #3 · answered by countrykarebare 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may help them by raising money if he agrees, but talk to him first about this. Working for raising money, besides the money itself, may have several positive side-effects such as keeping both focused in something else and showing your boyfriend's father that people care about him.
This is nevertheless a very subjective issue in which you should assess the situation carefully (both with your brain and your heart).
2006-09-23 09:56:36 · answer #4 · answered by ChaTo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
JESUS !!!
tell him im sorry
my wife last year lost her mum
in completely unexpected circumstances
she was run over and died later in hospital
be there for him he WILL appreciate it
TALK to him
YOU are the only 1 he will talk to.
As for the financial side of things
ask him what would be the best way to help his dad
you seem to love your boyfriend very much
i wish his dad a fast recovery
2006-09-23 10:11:49 · answer #5 · answered by wobber 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your BF hasn't told anyone else about this, he might not feel good about all the publicity of a big money-raising campaign. Talk to him, ask him how he feels. There is a book called "On Death and Dying" by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross that might help give you some perspective on all this.
2006-09-23 10:09:49 · answer #6 · answered by WildOtter 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hello
well best thing is to offer support by let him talk about his feelings and sadness and you should be good listener all the time and show sympathy do not offer money until u are sure he will except it from you because the human begin be sensitive on these situation and he may be miss understand you .
Ali
2006-09-23 10:24:03 · answer #7 · answered by Ronin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
have faith it or no longer, purely being there for her while she desires you is adequate. enable her to cry on your shoulder. enable her to tell you the events of daily. do no longer attempt to interject something that could cut back the gravity of the region. If the relatives is non secular in any respect, propose or help dialogue approximately God. Pray together with her and for her. And, think of approximately this. by way of each and all the "heavy" stuff occurring together with her relatives, she would go with you to be comedian alleviation. She would go with you to furnish as lots regularly occurring life as achieveable. do no longer rigidity it on her yet see if she is receptive to going to the movies, out to lunch or dinner, strolling in the process the mall etc... extra desirable than something, do no longer freakin' destroy up together with her suitable now!
2016-10-01 07:08:42 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not easy to deal with this -- we have to come to terms with subject matter and life experiences we do not want to deal with. It makes us very uncomfortable and it is very emotional and can be very draining. Check out the following web site. Look in the left hand column -- I think you will find it very helpful for yourself and your boy friend -- even his father if he is willing.
http://dying.about.com/?once=true&
2006-09-23 10:03:29 · answer #9 · answered by joyann 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes the best thing is to just be there when he needs you. Talk to him about the money issues, but always be there if he needs a shoulder
2006-09-23 09:53:53 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋